Letting Go - The Journey of Your Life
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Letting Go - The Journey of Your Life
I found this in my "treasures" today and thought it was a good time to share it again. Nobody had more difficulty letting go than I did, but once I let go of my son's addiction I could begin working on my recovery and healing. Enjoy.
Letting Go: The Journey for your Life
Letting Go
By Barry Elwin-Jones
WHAT IS LETTING GO?
Letting go can be the most terrifying experience we can have. Letting go means having no support mechanism for our egos. Put simply, when we let go, we trust that everything is going to work out in our best interest even when we are in the middle of an experience that screams out to us to hang on.
Our life flows from within. Life is not a series of unrelated cosmic accidents waiting to happen. The holes we fall into were dug by us at an earlier time, we just did not realize we were digging them. Our thoughts, words and actions were creating our future experiences while we were thinking, speaking, and doing them. You created your current experience.
WHAT IS THERE TO LET GO OF?
We can let go of all the judgment, of fixing other people's problems, of manipulating and controlling people's lives close to us, and forcing our lives to go in directions that our logical minds tells us they must go. We can let go of the need to keep arranging things in our physical world so that we can be happy. We can stop reacting to thoughts and emotions with fear.
Fear alone is responsible for us not wanting to let go of what we term "our lives." We infuriate our teenagers by constantly checking about their homework and other items in their lives that they are more than capable to deal with. The biggest package to let go of is our concepts about everything. We hold concepts about the way things are, and then have expectations around those concepts--talk about a recipe for disaster. We do not know what is going on, and we have little or no knowledge of the best result for everyone, yet we base our happiness on an expected outcome. These things and more are involved in "hanging on."
FEAR OF LETTING GO
To let go is to let go of our fear. Fear is the mother of anger, intolerance, greed, arrogance, selfishness, egotistical behavior, self-centeredness and a host of other undesirable traits. We don't want these traits in our lives because the behavior that springs from these traits separates us from our light. As we involve ourselves in these fearful behavior patterns, we know that we are dishonoring ourselves and the other person, and this hurts us greatly. When we allow fear to take hold, we will lash out even more in our defense to hide our pain and dishonoring of self. Courage and strength are needed to let go, and you can do it. It is not necessary to do it in one go, you can take away pieces of who you are not, and let them go gradually. You're in charge.
WE NEED TO BE A VICTIM FIRST
In early stages of personal growth we are not open to other ideas or concepts. We are generally resistant to ideas such as "Why did you bring this into your life?" Or friends who say, "You will be fine, stop worrying about it." We find it infuriating and it appears to us as if they don't care or really understand the way we feel.
Chronic body pain represents a part of us that is screaming out for attention. Pain, frustration and anger are common. "People just don't understand what I am going through" is a common remark. We come back and visit this victim stage regularly. We are totally absorbed in our misery, and anyone who tries to shake us out of it is in for a tough time. At this stage we want sympathy, not helpful suggestions. We are busy dumping blame on others for our pain and suffering. "Oh me, oh my, poor little me. No matter what I do or how I organize my life, someone always screws it up," we say. The tighter we hang, the greater the pain. The more we organize others' lives, the greater the frustration from unfulfilled expectations. Do you think God is trying to tell us something?
GIVING UP AND LETTING GO
Letting go conjures up images of lack of control, being lost, getting left behind, loneliness, financial ruin. This free fall state appears to offer nothing but fear and disaster. The ego has always instructed us that striving and achievement is everything. Letting go can only result in a fall with devastating results. After all, no self-responsible human being does that sort of thing. So we need to hang on, white knuckled and teeth clenched, in order to appear normal, while we smile through our frozen faces and staring eyes to make others feel comfortable as we conform to their expectations. This insanity is perpetuated each generation until we just let go.
THE LETTING GO EXPERIENCE
Sooner or later, we become so tired of hanging on to our misery that we just give up. Asking around, we find many offers of help come to us from varied sources. We have opened the door. Hanging on takes inordinate amounts of energy; we become very tired propping up the image we wish to portray. We simultaneously suppress our emotions, and eventually the load just gets too heavy to carry. Sooner or later we must put our burden down.
The letting go experience becomes like a free fall, like trust exercises of falling backwards into other people's waiting arms. Momentarily there is fear and total lack of control, but then helpful and safe hands support us as we land, dispelling our unwarranted fears. We pass through this door many times on our healing journey as our egos struggle for control through fear.
As the fear and stress of hanging on subsides after letting go, the pain and misery also abates as we see we are not alone. There is an improvement in outlook immediately.
AN EXAMPLE
Some years ago when I decided to let go, I left to go around Australia in a 20-year-old car and a tent with just enough money to reach my first destination. For the next two years I traveled continuously, giving workshops and living in my tent. At 54 years of age, the experience was filled with fear. As I let go, my life became magical. So can yours, and you don't have to live in a tent.
WHY HANG ON?
We have so much difficulty hanging on and it causes us so much pain and disappointment that you would think we would be anxious to change, but we steadfastly refuse to see the common sense in letting go. Instead we see the fear and let it block our path to freedom. We resist letting go of our concepts about the way things are or should be, just to keep our egos happy. We push our children to perform and excel just to please our egos. We insist that our partners walk, talk and act in ways to please us, so we can be happy. The expectations we put on our partners and children are ours alone and we reap the consequences. We expect them to act, speak and think the way we do for our own sakes. If we really loved them, we would accept everything they say and do as necessary for them and honor their pathways home as we expect them to honor ours.
The greatest gift we can give our partners is to cut them free of our expectations. In this single action, we free ourselves to experience happiness in our relationships.
Everything we see in this creation needs changing, according to us. If we see a forest, we believe that a car park would be more useful. Then after a few years, we believe we should grow trees on the car park, forgetting that there were trees there in the first place. After we get our family under control, we then have the arrogance to tell our older and wiser parents how to live out the rest of their lives. By the time we start on our friends' behavior, our children have rebelled, our partner has left us and our worlds start to wobble.
Stand by for the stress, pain, nervous breakdowns, physical illnesses and all of the other symptoms hanging on and perceived failure brings. Our fingernails start to splinter and break as control slips through them. We blame everyone else for our unhappiness, when all we need to do is LET GO.
REACTIONS TO LETTING GO
When we eventually let go, sometimes all hell breaks loose, sometimes we become sicker than ever before. Deeply hidden issues surface like dragons from the past, threatening to eat us alive. Our "normal" life activities are turned on their heads and unreal feelings of panic spread through us, telling us we should have left well enough alone. Friends judge us and walk out of our lives. Guilt raises its head and blames us for upsetting and destroying others' lives.
The day-to-day comfort zone has been shattered and the winds of change are blowing. The winds blow into corners that have not seen light for many lifetimes, and the pain can be almost unbearable. We find our greatest fears are unfounded as we let go to the Light. Hanging on causes our distress; freedom is already ours, we just need to let it be there.
The Universe is shifting to meet our newly embraced reality. We still have the same body, the same soul, but our thinking has changed, and therefore so must our reality change. The Universe must accommodate us with every change of mind, that is universal law.
THE RIVER OF LIFE
During all of these crazy activities that we think are essential to our happiness, we block the flow of life from our God center. Our future experiences vibrate to the same confusion that we are creating in our fearful hanging on state in the now. We just do not allow what is best for us to come into our lives. By continuing to create confusing karma with our minds, we ensure our future will be the same.
There is a divine energy that flows from within. This is the river of life that flows from our hearts. The river is gold and silver, pure and radiant, a light vibration of the highest frequency. This light is the Christ, the highest vibration possible that we can radiate on this plane of existence. When this river of life flows uninterrupted, our lives become perfect and in harmony with the Creator's intention.
Letting go is plunging into this flow without thoughts of a fearful nature and trusting that lifetimes of fear will be reversed and perfection manifested our lives. However, this does not happen to our timetable, but to the Creator's timing. First we must deal with the self-made creations already in our lives before we feel the major effects of the divine. Letting go has to happen first in order that the Greater can come in. Depending on our past experiences and reactions to those situations, we may have created such beautiful karma that life is a continuous blissful state. Then again, it may not be.
NOT RESISTING
Letting go is acknowledging that there is a greater power that flows through us that has our best interest at heart. Without any effort on our parts, we can let go to this power and allow. By not resisting, we can let our lives flow like a river from our hearts, making room in our lives for everything that needs to be there and allowing other things to pass by and move on. The joy of life is in the standing still and allowing. We discover that peace comes in when we cease to struggle. When we know we are in a dream, everything can be released.
Barry Elwin-Jones
Lightpaths
Letting Go: The Journey for your Life
Letting Go
By Barry Elwin-Jones
WHAT IS LETTING GO?
Letting go can be the most terrifying experience we can have. Letting go means having no support mechanism for our egos. Put simply, when we let go, we trust that everything is going to work out in our best interest even when we are in the middle of an experience that screams out to us to hang on.
Our life flows from within. Life is not a series of unrelated cosmic accidents waiting to happen. The holes we fall into were dug by us at an earlier time, we just did not realize we were digging them. Our thoughts, words and actions were creating our future experiences while we were thinking, speaking, and doing them. You created your current experience.
WHAT IS THERE TO LET GO OF?
We can let go of all the judgment, of fixing other people's problems, of manipulating and controlling people's lives close to us, and forcing our lives to go in directions that our logical minds tells us they must go. We can let go of the need to keep arranging things in our physical world so that we can be happy. We can stop reacting to thoughts and emotions with fear.
Fear alone is responsible for us not wanting to let go of what we term "our lives." We infuriate our teenagers by constantly checking about their homework and other items in their lives that they are more than capable to deal with. The biggest package to let go of is our concepts about everything. We hold concepts about the way things are, and then have expectations around those concepts--talk about a recipe for disaster. We do not know what is going on, and we have little or no knowledge of the best result for everyone, yet we base our happiness on an expected outcome. These things and more are involved in "hanging on."
FEAR OF LETTING GO
To let go is to let go of our fear. Fear is the mother of anger, intolerance, greed, arrogance, selfishness, egotistical behavior, self-centeredness and a host of other undesirable traits. We don't want these traits in our lives because the behavior that springs from these traits separates us from our light. As we involve ourselves in these fearful behavior patterns, we know that we are dishonoring ourselves and the other person, and this hurts us greatly. When we allow fear to take hold, we will lash out even more in our defense to hide our pain and dishonoring of self. Courage and strength are needed to let go, and you can do it. It is not necessary to do it in one go, you can take away pieces of who you are not, and let them go gradually. You're in charge.
WE NEED TO BE A VICTIM FIRST
In early stages of personal growth we are not open to other ideas or concepts. We are generally resistant to ideas such as "Why did you bring this into your life?" Or friends who say, "You will be fine, stop worrying about it." We find it infuriating and it appears to us as if they don't care or really understand the way we feel.
Chronic body pain represents a part of us that is screaming out for attention. Pain, frustration and anger are common. "People just don't understand what I am going through" is a common remark. We come back and visit this victim stage regularly. We are totally absorbed in our misery, and anyone who tries to shake us out of it is in for a tough time. At this stage we want sympathy, not helpful suggestions. We are busy dumping blame on others for our pain and suffering. "Oh me, oh my, poor little me. No matter what I do or how I organize my life, someone always screws it up," we say. The tighter we hang, the greater the pain. The more we organize others' lives, the greater the frustration from unfulfilled expectations. Do you think God is trying to tell us something?
GIVING UP AND LETTING GO
Letting go conjures up images of lack of control, being lost, getting left behind, loneliness, financial ruin. This free fall state appears to offer nothing but fear and disaster. The ego has always instructed us that striving and achievement is everything. Letting go can only result in a fall with devastating results. After all, no self-responsible human being does that sort of thing. So we need to hang on, white knuckled and teeth clenched, in order to appear normal, while we smile through our frozen faces and staring eyes to make others feel comfortable as we conform to their expectations. This insanity is perpetuated each generation until we just let go.
THE LETTING GO EXPERIENCE
Sooner or later, we become so tired of hanging on to our misery that we just give up. Asking around, we find many offers of help come to us from varied sources. We have opened the door. Hanging on takes inordinate amounts of energy; we become very tired propping up the image we wish to portray. We simultaneously suppress our emotions, and eventually the load just gets too heavy to carry. Sooner or later we must put our burden down.
The letting go experience becomes like a free fall, like trust exercises of falling backwards into other people's waiting arms. Momentarily there is fear and total lack of control, but then helpful and safe hands support us as we land, dispelling our unwarranted fears. We pass through this door many times on our healing journey as our egos struggle for control through fear.
As the fear and stress of hanging on subsides after letting go, the pain and misery also abates as we see we are not alone. There is an improvement in outlook immediately.
AN EXAMPLE
Some years ago when I decided to let go, I left to go around Australia in a 20-year-old car and a tent with just enough money to reach my first destination. For the next two years I traveled continuously, giving workshops and living in my tent. At 54 years of age, the experience was filled with fear. As I let go, my life became magical. So can yours, and you don't have to live in a tent.
WHY HANG ON?
We have so much difficulty hanging on and it causes us so much pain and disappointment that you would think we would be anxious to change, but we steadfastly refuse to see the common sense in letting go. Instead we see the fear and let it block our path to freedom. We resist letting go of our concepts about the way things are or should be, just to keep our egos happy. We push our children to perform and excel just to please our egos. We insist that our partners walk, talk and act in ways to please us, so we can be happy. The expectations we put on our partners and children are ours alone and we reap the consequences. We expect them to act, speak and think the way we do for our own sakes. If we really loved them, we would accept everything they say and do as necessary for them and honor their pathways home as we expect them to honor ours.
The greatest gift we can give our partners is to cut them free of our expectations. In this single action, we free ourselves to experience happiness in our relationships.
Everything we see in this creation needs changing, according to us. If we see a forest, we believe that a car park would be more useful. Then after a few years, we believe we should grow trees on the car park, forgetting that there were trees there in the first place. After we get our family under control, we then have the arrogance to tell our older and wiser parents how to live out the rest of their lives. By the time we start on our friends' behavior, our children have rebelled, our partner has left us and our worlds start to wobble.
Stand by for the stress, pain, nervous breakdowns, physical illnesses and all of the other symptoms hanging on and perceived failure brings. Our fingernails start to splinter and break as control slips through them. We blame everyone else for our unhappiness, when all we need to do is LET GO.
REACTIONS TO LETTING GO
When we eventually let go, sometimes all hell breaks loose, sometimes we become sicker than ever before. Deeply hidden issues surface like dragons from the past, threatening to eat us alive. Our "normal" life activities are turned on their heads and unreal feelings of panic spread through us, telling us we should have left well enough alone. Friends judge us and walk out of our lives. Guilt raises its head and blames us for upsetting and destroying others' lives.
The day-to-day comfort zone has been shattered and the winds of change are blowing. The winds blow into corners that have not seen light for many lifetimes, and the pain can be almost unbearable. We find our greatest fears are unfounded as we let go to the Light. Hanging on causes our distress; freedom is already ours, we just need to let it be there.
The Universe is shifting to meet our newly embraced reality. We still have the same body, the same soul, but our thinking has changed, and therefore so must our reality change. The Universe must accommodate us with every change of mind, that is universal law.
THE RIVER OF LIFE
During all of these crazy activities that we think are essential to our happiness, we block the flow of life from our God center. Our future experiences vibrate to the same confusion that we are creating in our fearful hanging on state in the now. We just do not allow what is best for us to come into our lives. By continuing to create confusing karma with our minds, we ensure our future will be the same.
There is a divine energy that flows from within. This is the river of life that flows from our hearts. The river is gold and silver, pure and radiant, a light vibration of the highest frequency. This light is the Christ, the highest vibration possible that we can radiate on this plane of existence. When this river of life flows uninterrupted, our lives become perfect and in harmony with the Creator's intention.
Letting go is plunging into this flow without thoughts of a fearful nature and trusting that lifetimes of fear will be reversed and perfection manifested our lives. However, this does not happen to our timetable, but to the Creator's timing. First we must deal with the self-made creations already in our lives before we feel the major effects of the divine. Letting go has to happen first in order that the Greater can come in. Depending on our past experiences and reactions to those situations, we may have created such beautiful karma that life is a continuous blissful state. Then again, it may not be.
NOT RESISTING
Letting go is acknowledging that there is a greater power that flows through us that has our best interest at heart. Without any effort on our parts, we can let go to this power and allow. By not resisting, we can let our lives flow like a river from our hearts, making room in our lives for everything that needs to be there and allowing other things to pass by and move on. The joy of life is in the standing still and allowing. We discover that peace comes in when we cease to struggle. When we know we are in a dream, everything can be released.
Barry Elwin-Jones
Lightpaths
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Letting go is acknowledging that there is a greater power that flows through us that has our best interest at heart. Without any effort on our parts, we can let go to this power and allow. By not resisting, we can let our lives flow like a river from our hearts, making room in our lives for everything that needs to be there and allowing other things to pass by and move on. The joy of life is in the standing still and allowing. We discover that peace comes in when we cease to struggle.
How grateful I am to those who went before me and told me 1,275,321 times to "let go" and grateful that I finally did.
Hugs
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Thank you. You have no idea how much I needed to read this today. Nothing to do with addiction, but I realised today I need to make some major life changes. I thought that I will step back and see what comes from God. Thank you Ann, this message is perfect.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
When we eventually let go, sometimes all hell breaks loose, sometimes we become sicker than ever before. Deeply hidden issues surface like dragons from the past, threatening to eat us alive. Our "normal" life activities are turned on their heads and unreal feelings of panic spread through us, telling us we should have left well enough alone. Friends judge us and walk out of our lives. Guilt raises its head and blames us for upsetting and destroying others' lives.
Our children will never learn how to ride a two wheeler bike, until we stop holding on to keep them upright. they usually have to fall, in order to try harder to balance.
I blame myself when I hang on, and blame myself when I let go. Which is the worst thing? I know which it is.
F.E.A.R. =False Evidence Appearing Real.
Letting go is the hardest thing for me. Trusting that my loved ones survival does not depend on me.
I wonder if this stems from having two alcoholic parents, who were children, for all intents and purposes, and me having to be ever watchful to make sure nothing bad happened to them, my younger sibs and myself. Guess I sort of developed a weird sense of being responsible for everyone's safety and happiness.
Letting go is a tough one for me.
Thank you for sharing this. I need it, especially now.
hugs
chicory
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
The day-to-day comfort zone has been shattered and the winds of change are blowing. The winds blow into corners that have not seen light for many lifetimes, and the pain can be almost unbearable. We find our greatest fears are unfounded as we let go to the Light. Hanging on causes our distress; freedom is already ours, we just need to let it be there.
Change was painful, it felt awkward and many times I asked myself "what now?". The answers always came when I took quiet time and listened.
The winds of change blow through everyone's life now and then, but with me as a codie the smallest breeze felt like a tornado.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
Originally Posted by Ann 
This was how I felt early in recovery as I learned to let go. As dysfunctional as my life had become, it was the life I KNEW and in it's own dark way had become my comfort zone. I knew how to react with adrenaline and I knew how to attempt to do 30 things at once...I KNEW how to be crazy and I had no idea how to be calm or patient or how to trust the process and trust God.
Change was painful, it felt awkward and many times I asked myself "what now?". The answers always came when I took quiet time and listened.
The winds of change blow through everyone's life now and then, but with me as a codie the smallest breeze felt like a tornado.
Hugs
Change was painful, it felt awkward and many times I asked myself "what now?". The answers always came when I took quiet time and listened.
The winds of change blow through everyone's life now and then, but with me as a codie the smallest breeze felt like a tornado.
Hugs
The other night in therapy, I was acting stubborn (and probably quite 'bratty,' lol) as I argued with my therapist about why I thought I was 'meant to be' with my XA, and I didn't want to hear or accept the reasons why he was telling me that I wasn't. He told me that the reason my XA was sent back into my life at this time wasn't because we were meant to be together and live happily ever after for the rest of our lives (my completely asinine take on it, lol). He said it was to make me realize that I need to work on ME. And like a petulant child, I crossed my arms, stuck out my chin and said, "Well, I don't WANT to work on me. I just DON'T. It's too much work, it's too hard and I just don't want to do it. I'm fine the way I am." (I stopped short of adding a snotty "So there!!" LOL)
And God bless him, lol, he patiently reiterated how he just does NOT think my XA is the right one for me, that he's a user and just not a nice person on TOP of being a drug addict, and he said he thinks I would have ended up leaving him eventually anyway due to the unhappiness and misery I was bound to experience if I stayed. And I angrily snapped back (Are you ready for this? You're gonna love it....lol), "I made a relationship work with someone I wasn't in love with for 19 YEARS!!! I know I could have DEFINITELY made this one last at LEAST that long!!" And he let out a long-suffering sigh, looked at me over the top of his glasses and gently asked, "And is THAT what you want for the rest of your life?? Having to MAKE a relationship work with someone who makes you unhappy and gives you NOTHING back in return for all you give him??" And when I had no good answer except to lower my chin and look away, he said, "You know what you're doing, don't you? You're resisting. You're on the verge of making some big changes in your life, and you're fighting it." And then he grinned and said, "But that's okay. You know why? Because it's been my experience that the ones who initially resist in the beginning are the ones who, when they finally accept it, take off like a shot and never look back! And that's going to be YOU."
So YES. I know I'm being a brat right now and resisting the change that's making its way into my life....because I'm scared. As you said, I'm USED to the dysfunction and I know how to operate within it. It's familiar to me and it's all I've known for almost as long as I can remember. But I think that change is going to work its way into my life no matter how hard I resist. Because it's what God has planned for me. I keep asking God for help and saying, "Well, I guess this was your plan for me. Here I am, as low as I've ever been. I got knocked down to my knees....NOW WHAT??" And what I've been failing to realize is that God's been trying to tell me, "Now you GET BACK UP."
Thank you so much for this post, Ann. You've really helped me 'see the light' tonight, and I'm grateful.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Everhopeful, your therapist is much better than mine was...all she ever said was "deal with it" and "get over it", lol.
I remember the counselor at my son's first rehab taking me aside and trying to explain addiction and relapse and codependency to me...and I told him that it didn't matter now that my son was in rehab, that in 30 days we'd all be back to normal. Well, we were...back to our dysfunctional normal of addict son and codependent mama. Year later and after a lot of recovery I met this same counselor who was now one of the top executives of a provincial addiction ministry...and I told him I remembered our first meeting and he told me he remembered me too, he said "Oh yes, you were the mother on a mission!".
How long ago that was, but I remember my thinking back then and I was doing a lot of talking and not much listening, which kept me stuck for quite some time.
Today I cherish my peace, my serenity. The moment anything shakes it, I stop in my tracks to figure out what and why and then what I need to do to get my peace back. Peace is now my "normal" and I am grateful for all those who went before me to show me the way.
Hugs
I remember the counselor at my son's first rehab taking me aside and trying to explain addiction and relapse and codependency to me...and I told him that it didn't matter now that my son was in rehab, that in 30 days we'd all be back to normal. Well, we were...back to our dysfunctional normal of addict son and codependent mama. Year later and after a lot of recovery I met this same counselor who was now one of the top executives of a provincial addiction ministry...and I told him I remembered our first meeting and he told me he remembered me too, he said "Oh yes, you were the mother on a mission!".
How long ago that was, but I remember my thinking back then and I was doing a lot of talking and not much listening, which kept me stuck for quite some time.
Today I cherish my peace, my serenity. The moment anything shakes it, I stop in my tracks to figure out what and why and then what I need to do to get my peace back. Peace is now my "normal" and I am grateful for all those who went before me to show me the way.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
"Everhopeful, your therapist is much better than mine was...all she ever said was "deal with it" and "get over it", lol."
Awww, that's awful (and not much help at ALL)!! Yes, I love my therapist, and I know that he is part of the 'help' I keep asking God for. God sent him into my life to aid in my recovery and help get me to where I'm supposed to be.
And I'm so glad that you were able to finally get where YOU are supposed to be - in a place where peace and serenity reign.
(And by the way, "mother on a mission".....love it!!)
Awww, that's awful (and not much help at ALL)!! Yes, I love my therapist, and I know that he is part of the 'help' I keep asking God for. God sent him into my life to aid in my recovery and help get me to where I'm supposed to be.
And I'm so glad that you were able to finally get where YOU are supposed to be - in a place where peace and serenity reign.
(And by the way, "mother on a mission".....love it!!)
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Yes, you never saw such a Mother on a Mission as I was, but even I wasn't fierce enough to control that which was not mine to control.
Today I am part of the Posse of Mamas here, but instead of running our addicted children out of Dodge, we support each other and share our experience, strength and hope. More times than I can recall, the mamas here helped me through my own dark days and it's a small show of gratitude to hold the light for new mamas coming in.
Today I am part of the Posse of Mamas here, but instead of running our addicted children out of Dodge, we support each other and share our experience, strength and hope. More times than I can recall, the mamas here helped me through my own dark days and it's a small show of gratitude to hold the light for new mamas coming in.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I let go of my only child for 5 very long years....her issues were not so much addiction, she was more of a dabbler, but she made horrible financial messes...i would clean them up...until one day i just snapped...i changed locks, blocked her phone number and did not open the door when she banged repeatedly.
There is a better relationship between us today...she is married and in Grad school...
But i find myself being sucked back in when she wants to confide in me...only this time i am sober so i am much more careful.
There is a better relationship between us today...she is married and in Grad school...
But i find myself being sucked back in when she wants to confide in me...only this time i am sober so i am much more careful.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Fandy, I have admired your ability to balance your relationship with your daughter. You have a knack for knowing when to be a helpful mama and share her life and for knowing when to step back and let her manage her own life. I wish I had met you 20 years ago, but we were both not listening much back then I guess, lol.
Hugs
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: In bizarroworld
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by EverHopeful721
"And is THAT what you want for the rest of your life?? Having to MAKE a relationship work with someone who makes you unhappy and gives you NOTHING back in return for all you give him??"
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: California
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by EverHopeful721
And then he grinned and said, "But that's okay. You know why? Because it's been my experience that the ones who initially resist in the beginning are the ones who, when they finally accept it, take off like a shot and never look back! And that's going to be YOU."
It scares me.
It makes me sad.
It gives me anxiety.
It pisses me off.
It makes me doubt the quality of myself.
But it's about time. Excuse me while I go cry.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
Originally Posted by terryr97
It took me a long time to realize that that was what I was settling for. Of course, it did take me a long time to realize that I was living with a chronic relapser who was lying and manipulating me cos he "promised" me he wouldn't play me and thats just what he did. Ah well. We live and we learn, yes?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
Originally Posted by Tleac
I feel like this is about it be me. Very soon.
It scares me.
It makes me sad.
It gives me anxiety.
It pisses me off.
It makes me doubt the quality of myself.
But it's about time. Excuse me while I go cry.
It scares me.
It makes me sad.
It gives me anxiety.
It pisses me off.
It makes me doubt the quality of myself.
But it's about time. Excuse me while I go cry.
Sending (((HUGS))) Tleac.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
The connection this article made between fear....and letting go.....was spot on.
I held on to my son as though he was hanging off a cliff......or perhaps it was me hanging off the cliff....I don't know. But I do know that every fiber of my being eventually became fatigued......I had no choice but to let go. I simply couldn't hang on any longer.
I know that fear is what kept me hanging on for so long. Fear of the unknown. That is why I love the quote that is my current "tag line".
Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty. ~ Brene Brown
I do have faith and it is that faith in a power higher than myself that helps me find the courage to let go of that uncertainty. Letting go has been a mixture of relief, exhilaration, and liberation. There is freedom in letting go.
As always Ann, I love what you have to share here on SR. As another member of the Posse of Mamas here on SR, I agree that the people here with solid recovery who take the time to share their ESH has helped me more than they may ever know.
gentle hugs
ke
I held on to my son as though he was hanging off a cliff......or perhaps it was me hanging off the cliff....I don't know. But I do know that every fiber of my being eventually became fatigued......I had no choice but to let go. I simply couldn't hang on any longer.
I know that fear is what kept me hanging on for so long. Fear of the unknown. That is why I love the quote that is my current "tag line".
Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty. ~ Brene Brown
I do have faith and it is that faith in a power higher than myself that helps me find the courage to let go of that uncertainty. Letting go has been a mixture of relief, exhilaration, and liberation. There is freedom in letting go.
As always Ann, I love what you have to share here on SR. As another member of the Posse of Mamas here on SR, I agree that the people here with solid recovery who take the time to share their ESH has helped me more than they may ever know.
gentle hugs
ke
Orange Lily
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by Ann
The Universe is shifting to meet our newly embraced reality. We still have the same body, the same soul, but our thinking has changed, and therefore so must our reality change. The Universe must accommodate us with every change of mind, that is universal law.
The universe is lining everything up that I need to continue--- it's like a runway being lit up, waiting for my plane to land and for me to arrive.
I'm mourning the collapse of the old world, forgetting to turn around and see that a new world is being built up around me that will fit into my life so beautifully I can't even fathom it.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: California
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by EverHopeful721
I don't EVER want to feel pain like this again, pain that has literally knocked me to my knees, shattered my heart and stolen that last tiny shred of innocence I had left.
And now, I'm left teetering on the very edge, peering down into the unknown mist, wondering if it will be my downfall or my salvation. All that's left for me to do is to JUMP.....and pray that before I hit the ground, I will learn how to FLY.....
And now, I'm left teetering on the very edge, peering down into the unknown mist, wondering if it will be my downfall or my salvation. All that's left for me to do is to JUMP.....and pray that before I hit the ground, I will learn how to FLY.....
I always thought to myself, there's no way anyway has felt as horrible as I am feeling. My husband must be the worst husband ever. I obviously know now that was never the case. It's so strange how I can read all these posts in the forum and could claim most of them as my own story. They're all so much alike.
<3
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I read a saying once, I forget the exact words, but it said that what we see as a sunset, an end, is a sunrise and a beginning to those on the other side of the world.
The pain of letting go may be our sunset, but it may also be the start of our "new beginnings".
Life is ever changing, and we just need to have faith that it all unfolds exactly as it should and that which we don't understand today will be perfectly clear tomorrow.
I love what you all share here, it warms my heart to talk about the good side of change, the faith side.
Hugs
The pain of letting go may be our sunset, but it may also be the start of our "new beginnings".
Life is ever changing, and we just need to have faith that it all unfolds exactly as it should and that which we don't understand today will be perfectly clear tomorrow.
I love what you all share here, it warms my heart to talk about the good side of change, the faith side.
Hugs
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