Hi
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 19
Hi
My husband of a little over a year has a pain killer addiction. He takes methadone because of pain for his knee and two herniated discs, however when he gets his prescription he takes the whole month's worth in about ten days. I started keeping the pills in a safe and we would get down to maybe only 9 days where he had no medicine. This month he outdid himself and took the whole months worth in ten days and now he is in withdrawl.
I love him but this is too much of a burden to carry. I don't know what to do.
I love him but this is too much of a burden to carry. I don't know what to do.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 625
Originally Posted by jkooba 
The only way this is going to change is by me leaving, isn't it.
Good luck.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Over here.
Posts: 369
i went through this very same thing with my boyfriend of almost two years. it started pretty much at the beginning of our relationship...likely had been going on before. in fact, i know it had. first there were excuses--they were stolen by the TSA in security checkpoint, he lost some, whatever. he would run out early. always someone or something else's fault, go into withdrawal, get the pills back, take too many, get sick from that and throw up for days. then i found a needle in the house and a pill cap with residue... then came the promises and crying and how things will change and how this time will be different and i can hold the pills and i can count the pills and he'll be open with me and then the pills were hidden again and disappearing again and it wasn't his fault and i didn't know what i was talking about... and on and on and on and on. it got worse and worse. none of the promises were kept. i was lied to so many times i could not quantify it. he blamed me for anything and everything he could. any talk i tried to have eventually just became turned around on me and my issues. almost a year ago, he started running away from the house and staying with a married couple because the wife was on a pile of pills and gave them out like candy. he showed back up at home half-dead at the end of december, ran out of pain meds and was opiate replacement medication, then left for rehab a month later. has been in sober living since. i still don't believe him and for good reason.
what's the point? you are not alone. it sucks. it's seriously the hardest thing i've ever had to deal with in a relationship and, unfortunately, i've dealt with a lot. i told myself more lies than he told me in order to stay with him through all of this. if you aren't ready to put it down, and i can totally relate to that, then at least get some support in the meantime. coming on here has been a huge help to me and i go to therapy. if your husband is taking a month's worth of pills in ten days, he will need help to stop and he will need to want it. one question i often asked my boyfriend was why on earth it was okay with him to spend more of his time sick in one way or another than well...how can a person want to live that way??? umm...addiction. it makes no sense. it doesn't listen to reason. at all.
take care of you...i'm still working on me-what i came into this relationship with as well as what i've been through since. i would not go through it again.
what's the point? you are not alone. it sucks. it's seriously the hardest thing i've ever had to deal with in a relationship and, unfortunately, i've dealt with a lot. i told myself more lies than he told me in order to stay with him through all of this. if you aren't ready to put it down, and i can totally relate to that, then at least get some support in the meantime. coming on here has been a huge help to me and i go to therapy. if your husband is taking a month's worth of pills in ten days, he will need help to stop and he will need to want it. one question i often asked my boyfriend was why on earth it was okay with him to spend more of his time sick in one way or another than well...how can a person want to live that way??? umm...addiction. it makes no sense. it doesn't listen to reason. at all.
take care of you...i'm still working on me-what i came into this relationship with as well as what i've been through since. i would not go through it again.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
No the only way he is going to change is when he is ready to change. Sadly there is no guarantee when that will be….
And supervising his pills, is not helping. If he chooses to take them all and doesn’t make it the month than he has to deal with the consequences, and they aren’t yours, nor are they about you. He is an addict, this is what addicts do, and they can learn from doing it over and over and over again, although I have watched this learning, it can take a long, long time to get it. I remember my husband saying I am not a slow learner, I understood the consequences, I know better now because it just isn’t worth what is coming if I go to try to learn that lesson again.
There is all the hope in the world for you, even for him.
It is so simple, but we all have over complicated it, work on you, get a support for you. Educate yourself on codependency, enabling, even addiction. But I can’t stress enough that every answer you need is in you, and the work you do on you, the time to give to yourself is so very important.
You can opt out at any time, and that doesn’t have anything to do with staying or leaving.
And supervising his pills, is not helping. If he chooses to take them all and doesn’t make it the month than he has to deal with the consequences, and they aren’t yours, nor are they about you. He is an addict, this is what addicts do, and they can learn from doing it over and over and over again, although I have watched this learning, it can take a long, long time to get it. I remember my husband saying I am not a slow learner, I understood the consequences, I know better now because it just isn’t worth what is coming if I go to try to learn that lesson again.
There is all the hope in the world for you, even for him.
It is so simple, but we all have over complicated it, work on you, get a support for you. Educate yourself on codependency, enabling, even addiction. But I can’t stress enough that every answer you need is in you, and the work you do on you, the time to give to yourself is so very important.
You can opt out at any time, and that doesn’t have anything to do with staying or leaving.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
If you decide to stay, I would suggest you seek out help by a therapist and/or a support group such as alanon or naranon. I needed both.
Also, protect yourself financially. No joint credit cards, bank accounts, etc. Untreated addiction is a progressive disease, meaning it will get worse. I was quite naive, gullible and felt my situation was different (terminally unique).
I left myself vulnerable and have been paying a very dear price...emotionally, physically, and financially. It all happened so fast, I never really saw it coming. The titanic went down and I went right down with it. It's not easy picking up the pieces.
Also, protect yourself financially. No joint credit cards, bank accounts, etc. Untreated addiction is a progressive disease, meaning it will get worse. I was quite naive, gullible and felt my situation was different (terminally unique).
I left myself vulnerable and have been paying a very dear price...emotionally, physically, and financially. It all happened so fast, I never really saw it coming. The titanic went down and I went right down with it. It's not easy picking up the pieces.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
The only difference leaving makes is removing yourself from having a front row seat. If you don’t monitor his pills and it gets worse, well that’s a learning lesson. He will run out sooner and be in pain for a longer amount of time every month. It might be a catalyst for him wanting to find a better way…or not.
As for hope, there is always hope. But, it's not something I would make life decisions on.
As for hope, there is always hope. But, it's not something I would make life decisions on.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Originally Posted by legna
It's my belief that this is pretty much going to be the gist of the suggestions you get her. He's an addict, he doesn't care about you, you can't believe anything he says, etc. Read the sticky's above.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
There really is no hope for me is there? The only way this is going to change is by me leaving, isn't it.
The statement quoted above is so interesting. I have been an "all in" or "all out" kind of person all my life. Never seeing the subtleties and shades of gray. I'm trying to change that.....because it is within my power to do so.
There is hope for you when you begin to focus on you. As far as leaving him or staying goes....that's quite a personal decision. It would be quite presumptuous of anyone here to tell you to leave your husband based on the few sentences you have shared about him.
I do believe that nothing changes if nothing changes. We can change our own circumstances by changing our own perceptions, thought processes, attitudes and by taking control of that which we do have control over (ourselves). The laws of physics say that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.....but relationships aren't bound by the laws of physics. We have the choice to react differently....or not react at all.
There is hope for you. And that hope does hinge on change. Your change......not his.
Personally, I left my XAH. But I would never suggest that anyone else do that.....because by doing so....I own the outcome and I don't want to own anyone else's outcome but my own.
Stick around. Read. Ask questions. Keep an open mind.
gentle hugs
ke
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 19
Day two of sitting at work crying. It hurts so much to see him sick and in pain. He takes all responsibility for the condition he is in and is never hurtful to me - except the hurt I feel when he is in pain. He doesn't understand that very well.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by jkooba
Day two of sitting at work crying. It hurts so much to see him sick and in pain. He takes all responsibility for the condition he is in and is never hurtful to me - except the hurt I feel when he is in pain. He doesn't understand that very well.
You can do something about that pain.......when you're ready.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you start by separating out what is yours from what is his.
his back and knee pain is HIS...you can't make that better for him. (you can avoid kicking him directly IN the knee tho!)
his prescription for his pain is HIS. they were given for a purpose with specific instructions on the bottle on how to take them.
yes, methadone and other heavy duty pain meds ARE addictive, no arguing with that.
he had other options when he usage started to increase (talk frankly with his doctor, for example...). locking the pills away didn't fix the problem. taking all the meds in a 10 day period is ON HIM and the w/d's he's in now, while admittedly painful to watch, are ON HIM.
it's not like he got hit by a dump truck while walking the dog - he kept upping his pill intake way exceeding the dosage and THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU DO THAT.
he CAN call his doctor.
he CAN work out other pain management.
he CAN admit this has become a problem.
this is an awful big ISSUE to be having in the first year of marriage. not that it's ever a good time, and maybe it can be resolved and not still be an issue 10, 20, 30 years down the road.
his back and knee pain is HIS...you can't make that better for him. (you can avoid kicking him directly IN the knee tho!)
his prescription for his pain is HIS. they were given for a purpose with specific instructions on the bottle on how to take them.
yes, methadone and other heavy duty pain meds ARE addictive, no arguing with that.
he had other options when he usage started to increase (talk frankly with his doctor, for example...). locking the pills away didn't fix the problem. taking all the meds in a 10 day period is ON HIM and the w/d's he's in now, while admittedly painful to watch, are ON HIM.
it's not like he got hit by a dump truck while walking the dog - he kept upping his pill intake way exceeding the dosage and THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU DO THAT.
he CAN call his doctor.
he CAN work out other pain management.
he CAN admit this has become a problem.
this is an awful big ISSUE to be having in the first year of marriage. not that it's ever a good time, and maybe it can be resolved and not still be an issue 10, 20, 30 years down the road.
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