So frustrating!
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 26
So frustrating!
Hey everyone,
So I posted here yesterday, basically explaining my xabf's story. He is a cocaine user. He has been on a binge all weekend, didn't even call his mother to wish her a happy mother's day. We were together up until Saturday morning when I left him due to the drugs, and being ignored.
So today is day 2 of no contact. I was doing very well up until the point that I checked his Twitter account (don't ask me why I did it, I guess I like to torture myself). I know he was on this coke binge with a girl from our town, she's younger than him, they hang out together and it really bothers me. I saw them exchanging messages on Twitter about how she doesn't want to be at work right now and how he would save her. These messages included little hearts and all this BS. It's so frustrating to me! How could he go from telling me he loves me to moving on in 2 days?!?!?! I am the most insecure person, I am co-dependent and I feel like he loves playing off my insecurities. I need some advice, someone to talk to, I'm desperate and I can't turn to anyone. If anybody could give me some insight on this it would be must appreciated.
So I posted here yesterday, basically explaining my xabf's story. He is a cocaine user. He has been on a binge all weekend, didn't even call his mother to wish her a happy mother's day. We were together up until Saturday morning when I left him due to the drugs, and being ignored.
So today is day 2 of no contact. I was doing very well up until the point that I checked his Twitter account (don't ask me why I did it, I guess I like to torture myself). I know he was on this coke binge with a girl from our town, she's younger than him, they hang out together and it really bothers me. I saw them exchanging messages on Twitter about how she doesn't want to be at work right now and how he would save her. These messages included little hearts and all this BS. It's so frustrating to me! How could he go from telling me he loves me to moving on in 2 days?!?!?! I am the most insecure person, I am co-dependent and I feel like he loves playing off my insecurities. I need some advice, someone to talk to, I'm desperate and I can't turn to anyone. If anybody could give me some insight on this it would be must appreciated.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
sometimes it is time
Originally Posted by SicknTired8 
He has been on a binge all weekend
didn't even call his mother to wish her a happy mother's day
I know he was on this coke binge with a girl from our town
sometimes it is time
to call it quits
if we add all of this up that you have shared
I don't usually say this
but
at this time there seems to be no (healthy hope) for your relationship
to call it quits
if we add all of this up that you have shared
I don't usually say this
but
at this time there seems to be no (healthy hope) for your relationship
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 26
I totally agree. I just feel like messaging this girl and saying "you do know what we were dating up until 2 days ago, right?" because she's totally clueless... but then I feel like I would look like a pure psycho. Should I just let it go and move on? Why does he never suffer any consequences?
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by SicknTired8
I just feel like messaging this girl and saying "you do know what we were dating up until 2 days ago, right?"
Should I just let it go and move on?
sure you could let her know that
but
will there just be more drama for you ??
drama in our lives is what we don't want
I would just move on without saying a word to either him or her
please
concentrate on taking care of yourself
somebody out there will show you true love in time
it seems to happen for most when we are not in a hurry
but
will there just be more drama for you ??
drama in our lives is what we don't want
I would just move on without saying a word to either him or her
please
concentrate on taking care of yourself
somebody out there will show you true love in time
it seems to happen for most when we are not in a hurry
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i'd move on, for sure! the coke addiction is good enough reason, the other stuff just adds to the strength of the decision. you really don't need this BS. so......YOU get to put a stop to it. you start standing up for yourself. you start valuing your own self worth. and this is exactly how you do that!!!
ps - just cuz someone SAYS the words i love you does not in any way shape or form indicate they really MEAN that. parrots can be taught to say it too! a lotta guys will USE words like that because the gals take them so seriously!
ps - just cuz someone SAYS the words i love you does not in any way shape or form indicate they really MEAN that. parrots can be taught to say it too! a lotta guys will USE words like that because the gals take them so seriously!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Exitville
Posts: 214
you are in a hurtful situation. and it does hurt. but you are seeing first hand what addiction is and what it does. the pictures popping up, the girls, the out there and "in your face" things are all part of it. selfish, non caring, unemotional and the list could go on and on. i have been where you are. i am not there now. you mentioned being insecure but i can also tell you even if you are not or were not things will happen to break you down and make you insecure over time. you will start behaving, thinking and acting in ways out of character for you if you continue if for no other reason than you are human and it hurts. then there is the codependent topic you can read up on here.
right now you have everything you need to sit there and ask yourself out loud
"is this the life i want?" the things you are seeing right now and experiencing will continue unless he decides to enter treatment. then you have to ask yourself "am i willing to live with him forever knowing this could happen again?" only you can answer.
everyone here knows i shut down my FB account and anything related to seeing or hearing anything about my ex. cocaine was one of his substances. did i like FB? sure i did! my nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews, college friends were there for me to connect with BUT there is no guarantee my ex would have no knowledge of me unless i shut the account down completely. quite frankly, after all that happened, he used FB as a tool to get himself out there for all to see on purpose. i can live without FB. i can live without him. i can live without knowledge of him. so try not to do the "lets take a look" thing because it causes pain. twitter or whatever is the same. best not to set yourself up if you can keep from doing it.
after this weekend and seeing it in front of you just ask yourself if this is what you want.
you deserve to be happy and content with someone who can give you a complete relationship. cocaine does not give that. and it gets worse.
prayers
right now you have everything you need to sit there and ask yourself out loud
"is this the life i want?" the things you are seeing right now and experiencing will continue unless he decides to enter treatment. then you have to ask yourself "am i willing to live with him forever knowing this could happen again?" only you can answer.
everyone here knows i shut down my FB account and anything related to seeing or hearing anything about my ex. cocaine was one of his substances. did i like FB? sure i did! my nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews, college friends were there for me to connect with BUT there is no guarantee my ex would have no knowledge of me unless i shut the account down completely. quite frankly, after all that happened, he used FB as a tool to get himself out there for all to see on purpose. i can live without FB. i can live without him. i can live without knowledge of him. so try not to do the "lets take a look" thing because it causes pain. twitter or whatever is the same. best not to set yourself up if you can keep from doing it.
after this weekend and seeing it in front of you just ask yourself if this is what you want.
you deserve to be happy and content with someone who can give you a complete relationship. cocaine does not give that. and it gets worse.
prayers
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
ps - just cuz someone SAYS the words i love you does not in any way shape or form indicate they really MEAN that. parrots can be taught to say it too! a lotta guys will USE words like that because the gals take them so seriously!
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Originally Posted by peacedove
right now you have everything you need to sit there and ask yourself out loud
"is this the life i want?" the things you are seeing right now and experiencing will continue unless he decides to enter treatment. then you have to ask yourself "am i willing to live with him forever knowing this could happen again?" only you can answer.
"is this the life i want?" the things you are seeing right now and experiencing will continue unless he decides to enter treatment. then you have to ask yourself "am i willing to live with him forever knowing this could happen again?" only you can answer.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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as far as the other girl knowing or not knowing about your relationship with him...i can tell you this from my experience with my ex. he was wayyyyyy more crafty than i knew and everything i was confused about or things i did not understand when happening(i.e. pics of him w/younger women, pics of him in what looked like compromising situations--all the while i knew the people but they were only friends but it alllllllllll didn't make sense--and they knew me)in the end and in hindsight it is totally clear he actively set it up exactly as i saw it. let me tell you, if he is doing coke then i can pretty much tell you whoever he is hanging with male or female is doing it, too. i wasn't in to it, still am not, never will be but it all makes sense to me now. got my education.
the girls didn't know the whole story or even anything close to the truth about he and i--they didn't care either--it was all about partying not meaningful anything. not only is it what he liked it is what they liked. males or females it doesn't matter. their world is different than ours. their brains are different than ours. when people are in to these things it doesn't matter to them if they are married, divorced for 5 seconds, have a baby with no diapers at home, got in an argument with their boss or left their gf/bf out of the loop for a weekend, a month or two months.
did he tell me he was this way? no of course not. did he tell me he loved me and were we planning on being married and was i there with his children every available minute and were we remodeling a home? YES! BUT IT WAS AN ACT. Until it was not.
pick up what is left of you(and there is way more to you than you know)and be strong. be real with yourself and feel every ounce of pain you feel after this weekend and walk away. it is the hardest thing i have ever experienced in my entire life but it gets better a little each day.
he can not hurt me again. i won't let it happen. there is no excuse, no i'm sorry, no guilt trip, no explanation, no misunderstanding--no nothing he could ever say to me to make me want to feel what he did to me ever again.
someone here said a good thing "cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him." this sums it up.
be good to yourself for yourself. rebuild your life for you. find your happiness within you. it will take work and dedication and many tears but it is worth it.
the girls didn't know the whole story or even anything close to the truth about he and i--they didn't care either--it was all about partying not meaningful anything. not only is it what he liked it is what they liked. males or females it doesn't matter. their world is different than ours. their brains are different than ours. when people are in to these things it doesn't matter to them if they are married, divorced for 5 seconds, have a baby with no diapers at home, got in an argument with their boss or left their gf/bf out of the loop for a weekend, a month or two months.
did he tell me he was this way? no of course not. did he tell me he loved me and were we planning on being married and was i there with his children every available minute and were we remodeling a home? YES! BUT IT WAS AN ACT. Until it was not.
pick up what is left of you(and there is way more to you than you know)and be strong. be real with yourself and feel every ounce of pain you feel after this weekend and walk away. it is the hardest thing i have ever experienced in my entire life but it gets better a little each day.
he can not hurt me again. i won't let it happen. there is no excuse, no i'm sorry, no guilt trip, no explanation, no misunderstanding--no nothing he could ever say to me to make me want to feel what he did to me ever again.
someone here said a good thing "cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him." this sums it up.
be good to yourself for yourself. rebuild your life for you. find your happiness within you. it will take work and dedication and many tears but it is worth it.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by peacedove
it was all about partying not meaningful anything. not only is it what he liked it is what they liked. males or females it doesn't matter. their world is different than ours. .
yes
many of us find our souls later
only then
do we realize how much we have hurt others
working on some night moves
I used her she used me
neither one cared
many of us find our souls later
only then
do we realize how much we have hurt others
working on some night moves
I used her she used me
neither one cared
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 493
Originally Posted by peacedove
as far as the other girl knowing or not knowing about your relationship with him...i can tell you this from my experience with my ex. he was wayyyyyy more crafty than i knew and everything i was confused about or things i did not understand when happening(i.e. pics of him w/younger women, pics of him in what looked like compromising situations--all the while i knew the people but they were only friends but it alllllllllll didn't make sense--and they knew me)in the end and in hindsight it is totally clear he actively set it up exactly as i saw it. let me tell you, if he is doing coke then i can pretty much tell you whoever he is hanging with male or female is doing it, too. i wasn't in to it, still am not, never will be but it all makes sense to me now. got my education.
the girls didn't know the whole story or even anything close to the truth about he and i--they didn't care either--it was all about partying not meaningful anything. not only is it what he liked it is what they liked. males or females it doesn't matter. their world is different than ours. their brains are different than ours. when people are in to these things it doesn't matter to them if they are married, divorced for 5 seconds, have a baby with no diapers at home, got in an argument with their boss or left their gf/bf out of the loop for a weekend, a month or two months.
did he tell me he was this way? no of course not. did he tell me he loved me and were we planning on being married and was i there with his children every available minute and were we remodeling a home? YES! BUT IT WAS AN ACT. Until it was not.
pick up what is left of you(and there is way more to you than you know)and be strong. be real with yourself and feel every ounce of pain you feel after this weekend and walk away. it is the hardest thing i have ever experienced in my entire life but it gets better a little each day.
he can not hurt me again. i won't let it happen. there is no excuse, no i'm sorry, no guilt trip, no explanation, no misunderstanding--no nothing he could ever say to me to make me want to feel what he did to me ever again.
someone here said a good thing "cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him." this sums it up.
be good to yourself for yourself. rebuild your life for you. find your happiness within you. it will take work and dedication and many tears but it is worth it.
the girls didn't know the whole story or even anything close to the truth about he and i--they didn't care either--it was all about partying not meaningful anything. not only is it what he liked it is what they liked. males or females it doesn't matter. their world is different than ours. their brains are different than ours. when people are in to these things it doesn't matter to them if they are married, divorced for 5 seconds, have a baby with no diapers at home, got in an argument with their boss or left their gf/bf out of the loop for a weekend, a month or two months.
did he tell me he was this way? no of course not. did he tell me he loved me and were we planning on being married and was i there with his children every available minute and were we remodeling a home? YES! BUT IT WAS AN ACT. Until it was not.
pick up what is left of you(and there is way more to you than you know)and be strong. be real with yourself and feel every ounce of pain you feel after this weekend and walk away. it is the hardest thing i have ever experienced in my entire life but it gets better a little each day.
he can not hurt me again. i won't let it happen. there is no excuse, no i'm sorry, no guilt trip, no explanation, no misunderstanding--no nothing he could ever say to me to make me want to feel what he did to me ever again.
someone here said a good thing "cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him." this sums it up.
be good to yourself for yourself. rebuild your life for you. find your happiness within you. it will take work and dedication and many tears but it is worth it.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Exitville
Posts: 214
i have the CD. huh. the song is different to me now for sure. thanx. i think. i actually have it rolling around in my head now. this it totally OT. but you are correct about using, using, using in all directions and no one caring. except us. who really cared. lessons learned.
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Originally Posted by peacedove
the girls didn't know the whole story or even anything close to the truth about he and i--they didn't care either--it was all about partying not meaningful anything. not only is it what he liked it is what they liked. males or females it doesn't matter. their world is different than ours. their brains are different than ours. when people are in to these things it doesn't matter to them if they are married, divorced for 5 seconds, have a baby with no diapers at home, got in an argument with their boss or left their gf/bf out of the loop for a weekend, a month or two months.
This just makes way too much sense. Why didn't I see it this way before? I guess since I am not an addict, I didn't realize how addicts think. I guess it's all about the "now".. the quick fix, the cocaine. Who cares about the consequences? They never really have to deal with them anyway. It was always me apologizing for over reacting, for questioning where he was all night, for being "crazy" as he would call me. I love this new perspective I have about the addiction, and I thank you for that.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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read everything you can and continue on the path you choose is best for you.
your head will clear of the "fog" and the confusion, too, in time if you choose to stay away.
you will begin to see you were not/are not crazy and the manipulations played on you or used with you will also reveal themselves.
if you start backtracking, feeling down, thinking you need him, etc...
REMEMBER:
he is the only person he cares about and this is limited at best. his drug of choice or drugs is the only other thing he truly cares about. if their mouths are moving then they are lying in the addiction phase. top priority is what they find top priority at that moment. there is no long haul game plan going on. unless it involves another good time to be had somewhere in the future--they do plan for these things. if you can picture yourself as nothing more than a "prop" in his life he used for all the reasons listed here on this site then maybe it will help you.
prayers
your head will clear of the "fog" and the confusion, too, in time if you choose to stay away.
you will begin to see you were not/are not crazy and the manipulations played on you or used with you will also reveal themselves.
if you start backtracking, feeling down, thinking you need him, etc...
REMEMBER:
he is the only person he cares about and this is limited at best. his drug of choice or drugs is the only other thing he truly cares about. if their mouths are moving then they are lying in the addiction phase. top priority is what they find top priority at that moment. there is no long haul game plan going on. unless it involves another good time to be had somewhere in the future--they do plan for these things. if you can picture yourself as nothing more than a "prop" in his life he used for all the reasons listed here on this site then maybe it will help you.
prayers
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