Words versus actions
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Massachusetts (south shore)
Posts: 125
Words versus actions
HIS WORDS
"Just let the past go and see who I am and becoming, and see the person you fell in love with" "Till death do us part, in sickness and in health"
"I guess you just want to continue to pay me back"
"My life is so sad without you", and I am doing everything I supposed to be doing" "I love you so much, we are soul mates" "It is Gods will that we be together". "I am not lazy, you just don't want to believe that I have changed in four months" "I have been going to NA and group and have been thinking a lot" "Do the right thing and call me" "I have not taken pills in 10 months and I have not gambled" "That was my cologne you smelled, not alcohol" "You said we would always be best friends, but you won't let me be yours...so you lied" You shouldn't think of yourself as an enabler, i made all the bad choices" "Yeah, right I didn't spend over 2800 per month on myself" "Just look at the whole truth, it's not all my fault" "Have HOPE cause we were meant to be together" "You win and now I am pissed...now not a feaking dime till you get me into court" "I am not an addict, I am a recovering addict" "Sorry, can I call you to say Sorry" "I will man up, it's what you want"I accepted total responsibility tonight at a meeting, do you want me to call you" "there is nothing left for me to lie about" "I can't let myself get upset, not good for my health, and i don't want to have a nervous breakdown" why don't you talk to me, I would never not talk to you" "I miss you not living here with me" I love you so much you are my soulmate" God says we will be together, it will happen. I will make it happen cause we are meant to be together" "how could you do this to me" "Will you please stop the divorce" ...BLAH>>>BLAH>>>BLAH>>>
HIS ACTIONS
Has supposedly continues to attend NA and Group meetings
Has no accountability to where his money is going
Hasn't paid the mortgage since I lift four months ago - even with acquiring a new paying tenant in the home.
Had a "second tenant" move into the home from NA "who needed help"
Harasses me with an enormous amount of texting
Forgets to write me the monthly check we agreed on (needs reminding)
Primps up his physically appearance when I swing by to pick up check
Disheveled and unshaven at his "office" when I surprise visit to see how he is doing all whilst looking suspicious.
Still too much idle time - not working enough - appears lazy
...not much else...
WHEN I WRITE IT DOWN IT BECOMES MORE AND MORE CLEAR!!
I would still appreciate any reinforcing thoughts my SR friends would like to share with me.
You all help and you all
"Just let the past go and see who I am and becoming, and see the person you fell in love with" "Till death do us part, in sickness and in health"
"I guess you just want to continue to pay me back"
"My life is so sad without you", and I am doing everything I supposed to be doing" "I love you so much, we are soul mates" "It is Gods will that we be together". "I am not lazy, you just don't want to believe that I have changed in four months" "I have been going to NA and group and have been thinking a lot" "Do the right thing and call me" "I have not taken pills in 10 months and I have not gambled" "That was my cologne you smelled, not alcohol" "You said we would always be best friends, but you won't let me be yours...so you lied" You shouldn't think of yourself as an enabler, i made all the bad choices" "Yeah, right I didn't spend over 2800 per month on myself" "Just look at the whole truth, it's not all my fault" "Have HOPE cause we were meant to be together" "You win and now I am pissed...now not a feaking dime till you get me into court" "I am not an addict, I am a recovering addict" "Sorry, can I call you to say Sorry" "I will man up, it's what you want"I accepted total responsibility tonight at a meeting, do you want me to call you" "there is nothing left for me to lie about" "I can't let myself get upset, not good for my health, and i don't want to have a nervous breakdown" why don't you talk to me, I would never not talk to you" "I miss you not living here with me" I love you so much you are my soulmate" God says we will be together, it will happen. I will make it happen cause we are meant to be together" "how could you do this to me" "Will you please stop the divorce" ...BLAH>>>BLAH>>>BLAH>>>
HIS ACTIONS
Has supposedly continues to attend NA and Group meetings
Has no accountability to where his money is going
Hasn't paid the mortgage since I lift four months ago - even with acquiring a new paying tenant in the home.
Had a "second tenant" move into the home from NA "who needed help"
Harasses me with an enormous amount of texting
Forgets to write me the monthly check we agreed on (needs reminding)
Primps up his physically appearance when I swing by to pick up check
Disheveled and unshaven at his "office" when I surprise visit to see how he is doing all whilst looking suspicious.
Still too much idle time - not working enough - appears lazy
...not much else...
WHEN I WRITE IT DOWN IT BECOMES MORE AND MORE CLEAR!!
I would still appreciate any reinforcing thoughts my SR friends would like to share with me.
You all help and you all
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I say this with sincere understanding and compassion....
I spent a long time watching, judging, analyzing my husband's behavior as I sat on the fence conflicted as what to do. Once again, it became a distraction from seeing my own behaviors and changing, healing me. I found when I started looking at my own behaviors, I was shocked.
I was flattered by my husbands words and professed undying love because I still seeking fulfillment though him and others. I ate up his attention because I thought I deserved it, for all the hurt and betrayal he had caused. I wanted him to fix the pain I felt. But in reality, I still was not whole (still am not). I needed him to make feel better about myself. But along with that power I gave him, came the times when I was still devastated by his words and actions. The roller coaster of emotions was still in motion.
Do you think it is normal to make surprise inspections at his work?? Is that really the kind of relationship you want?
Take time to look at your behaviors, find your true motive and figure out what you want and who you are without compromising your core values. That's where the answers were for me. Also, embracing that I had the right to change my mind whenever I wanted to, guilt free, took a lot of pressure off and cleared my thinking.
I spent a long time watching, judging, analyzing my husband's behavior as I sat on the fence conflicted as what to do. Once again, it became a distraction from seeing my own behaviors and changing, healing me. I found when I started looking at my own behaviors, I was shocked.
I was flattered by my husbands words and professed undying love because I still seeking fulfillment though him and others. I ate up his attention because I thought I deserved it, for all the hurt and betrayal he had caused. I wanted him to fix the pain I felt. But in reality, I still was not whole (still am not). I needed him to make feel better about myself. But along with that power I gave him, came the times when I was still devastated by his words and actions. The roller coaster of emotions was still in motion.
Do you think it is normal to make surprise inspections at his work?? Is that really the kind of relationship you want?
Take time to look at your behaviors, find your true motive and figure out what you want and who you are without compromising your core values. That's where the answers were for me. Also, embracing that I had the right to change my mind whenever I wanted to, guilt free, took a lot of pressure off and cleared my thinking.
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