ruthhoney

Difficult part with addict is that I don't get the closure. It's cruel. Tendency is to want to know what's going on? He seems to be still in denial. He doesn't give me the impression that he's competely surrendered. All I was sayingn in my "offensive messages" was that his situation is hopeless in itself and he needs to competely surrender his daily decisions to God and that I worry about him and don't want to distract him from his recovery by reconnecting at this critical point.

I honestly think in terms of treating me, his behavior is much worse than before. Does he sound like a recovering addict or a dry addict?

Or is it more likely that he's seeing someone else coz he never treated me this way before even in his active addiction. He would at least come around and apologize. The funny part is a week ago when he was explaining his previous disapperance he said he would never offended by me.

It's just completely irrational and it's driving me crazy. I'm in my final week at graduate school and I have to deal with th

mstrust

when and if you figure out what's going on, let me know, because my ex is behaving almost exactly the same way. tells me how important i am to him then treats me like nothing and blames me for why he does this. normal people should be able to talk and work things out and even say and hear difficult things. i think you and i both deserve more. i think humans deserve more. i have to remind myself again and again and again that addiction is irrational. you can't make sense of something that makes no sense. my ex is supposedly clean but is also behaving just like he did when he was active. maybe he's just an a**hole. maybe he is lying about his sobriety. but i can't possibly figure it out. there really comes a time when we just have to focus on ourselves and getting healthy and moving forward.

AnvilheadII

All I was sayingn in my "offensive messages" was that his situation is hopeless in itself and he needs to competely surrender his daily decisions to God and that I worry about him and don't want to distract him from his recovery by reconnecting at this critical point.

and that translates to: you're an f'd up mess and I know what you SHOULD do to straighten yourself out.

here's the thing - there is no CLOSURE - it's never wrapped up all neat and tidy with a bow. it's over when you CHOSE it's over. period. you don't like how he treats you? then get away from him. it really is that simple. whether he's using, or not, seeing someone else, or not, just tired of being ragged on about what he should do, or not....he is not doing what you want. you want better treatment? treat yourself better. up your standards. don't settle for crumbs. you can make this all stop any time YOU so desire.

LoveMeNow

No Ruthhoney, you don't have to deal with this at all. You have a choice.

For me, being treated cold or hurtful in anyway, shape or form broke me down.
It would make me try harder to his attention, get a reaction, prove my point, try and discuss it....to no avail. MY weakness had become exposed and exploited. I had fear, fear of rejection and abandonment. It wasn't until I healed that part of me, the games stopped. Tried and true tactics didn't work anymore.

I have talked to many recovery addicts about this, they ALL have shared that they knew most people's, mostly their enablers, weaknesses and exploited it.

Addiction is cunning and so is an active addict. My friend and I often joke about how we were "outsmarted" over and over by someone whose brain was impaired. Talk about taking your self esteem down to new levels. We were not stupid, we just were no match for it.

ruthhoney

Thanks everyone. But it's hard. It's so hard to let go when you care. He could have so much potential. I hate this disease. I hate how it changes people.

I fear the possibility of him dying of this disease at a young age. I can't bear it. I so hope he gets well.

It's the fear of losing him to the disease that drives me crazy. I am helpless and there's nothing I can do to help him.

It's easier said than done to let go. It's sad. I know I shouldn't expect miracle...

cynical one

You're not helpless...you're powerless...huge difference.