kay11

The only reason I am writing this is because I just have so much anger pent up in me and I don't know what to do about it.... I just feel like screaming at someone but there's no one to scream at anymore. This is definitely a rant so feel free to leave anytime haha.

I broke it off with my ex of 2+ years because he relapsed for a 4th time... I was just done, so done. My life has been pretty good since breaking it off, up until his photo along with a paragraph explaining he robbed a couple over 5,000 dollars worth started circulating facebook. Then to top it off in the photos he is with a girl. Now I don't care that he's moved on to other girls what gets me going is not only is he a thief he is now a pedophile! The girl is 14 years old and he is almost 20... Like really what is that! The worst part is her mom is okay with it and he appears to be living with them. And to top it off this girl and the mom are also former addicts and the 14 year old just got out of a mental institution for suicide attempts, has PTSD, and is bi polar with depression.

I know all this because I messaged her on facebook. Even though I know it's not my business, I felt that I had to tell her to be careful because my ex is the type of person who is so deceiving. He will give you a whole concocted story that is all fake to get his way... I just wanted to warn her that he is not well and has issues with addiction and what not. She was grateful but I guess she doesn't care.... idk. Did it make me feel better? No but at least she knows what shes getting herself into.

It's just so hard for me to think I tried so hard for so long to help him and I had high hopes that breaking it off with him and him being homeless would get him to his bottom point to get clean and it didn't. It's been 4 months since I broke it off and I haven't had any anger or sadness till now... It's like I put it off because I didn't want to feel hurt 3 days before Christmas when I had to break it off with him because he had finally pushed me over the edge by stealing the family wii. All these feelings are now emerging and I just want them gone, and I have no clue how to get rid of them. All I know is that I don't want to make my friends suffer in my misery because now 4 months later I want to rip his head off and cry.... Seriously Sometimes having feelings can suck!

Yogagurl

Hey Kay! Sorry that you are going through the motions of anger right now. I totally get that you are frustrated with the energy that you put forth into this relationship. You feel unappreciated and that you wasted time. I feel the same about my relationship.

The thing about your guy is that no one else is going to take him. You become that which you associate with. So, any young and respectable lady isn't going to be abusing drugs. Of course he is living with them. He is an addict and can't provide for himself, so he wil and he is going to take what he can get, living with them for as long as they provide for him. He doesn't care that she is 14 - she is some one to support him who he may be able to use with and she has a mother who is willing to take him in. He isn't looking for a deep emotional connection - if he is actively using, he is looking for dope.

I would not be angry - I would take this a lesson. Birds of a feather flock together. He chooses to associate with these people, but you do NOT choose to associate with these people, therefore, the common ground for socializing with him isn't there anymore. Block him and the chick on facebook, change your number, and thank GOD that you AREN'T THAT girl. He WILL use her and that is ALL he will do.

Best of luck and much love your way!
YG

MiSoberbio

Thanks for this, Yogagurl. It's been a month since I went no contact with my ex-partner and it's been quite a ride in my mind... I feel so much better and I don't ever want that insanity in my life again (although I still have plenty of my own stuff to deal with), but I get hit occasionally with feelings of guilt, remorse and doubt... What you wrote helps me keep things in perspective, whether or not there was love involved, at least on my end. [However, I'm now beginning to touch one of the sharpest thorns that's been waiting for me to deal with: was that really love that I felt? I think I'm ready to drop my head in humility and work on that question...]

peacedove

sorry you are going through this. it is extremely difficult. i would delete the whole FB thing. i know, i know, people here may think me silly for how often i advise that one single thing. but i must tell you--it did wonders for me. not only was my ex there but so were all the mutual friends/aquaintances/family on both sides...on and on. even with the "block" or "unfriend" options things could just creep in from a place unexpected. whatever crept in was no good for me to move on in a good, solid way. there is life outside of FB, after all. just a suggestion. doesn't work for all.
other thing is, warning others generally backfires. we aren't with them anymore and have to let it go. remember they are manipulative so anything you say, do or attempt to do--no matter how or why you do it--it will be turned on you. you don't need that. it keeps you in it when you do not want to be. also makes it look like you are still hanging on.
prayers

zoso77

Here's a question for you. What sort of reply did you expect from a 14 year old girl that's Bipolar? It's not your place, Kay.

The good news is that you can feel. What's even better is feelings, though they can suck, won't kill us. Feelings are just God's way of letting us know we're alive.

You deserve a lot of credit by dumping him when you (correctly) deduced he wasn't on a path to recovery. Just keep going, working on you. You've got some strength in you...

ZoSo

broken101

So very true I tried to reach out to my Goddaughters mother who is my exbf "close friend/brother" about a health issue that can affect the child and well boy was i the bad crazy insane one for trying to do what I taught was morally right. They made it seem like I waas being vindictive due to the breakup...I should have listen to advice and leave it alone....no contact period with him or his new girlfriend

Hanna

The brother of the addict I briefly dated got in touch with me to ask if I was willing to speak with his latest girlfriend. She was having doubts and questions. I initially said yes, but then thought better of it.

I do not need any connection with him, and being in touch with his people is a connection. I decided that she is a grown woman with eyes and ears of her own and if she has doubts then using her brain she should be able to figure it out herself. Just seemed like looking for drama to me. I also let his brother know I didn't want to continue communicating with him.

That chapter in my life is closed. Trying to rescue others from this addicts bad deeds would only serve to re-open it.