ruthhoney

So this guy and I have been knowing each other for over 6 years. He became interested in me about 3.5 years ago and has since been treating me very well. I knew about his drug addiction past the first day we met and was very cautious about progressing the relationship. Anyhow, I went through some issues and during the process he offered a lot of help without asking for any return. I grew to care about him more and more after this incidence. Since we were living in different cities at the time, I didn't really get to know him on a regular, day-to-day basis. During one of his business trip to where I lived, he confessed his feeling towards me and wanted to get to know me (quote: I wanted to fall in love, I want kids and I want wife, and I want to get to know you). So I agreed to keep in touch but then he disappeared. Later I knew that he relapsed during this time. Then after he went back from rehab, we reconnected (our companies did business together) and I went on a business trip to his city. He expressed his feelings again and wanted to get to know me more. We talked about some of his struggles battling addiction and I showed support as a friend.

Since I was going to relocate to where he lives in a few months at the time, we made plans to keep in touch. Then he disappeared again. Two weeks later, he called me and told me he relapsed again and checked himself into rehab. He asked me could we hang out after he comes out of treatment and we can meet and continue what's between us then.

Then I waited about 7 months only learned that he relapsed again after being clean for about 6 months. He then cut off all communications and changed his number. I also lost contact with him.

8 months later, as I basically moved on and thought I would never heard from him again, he suddenly contacted me and gave me his new number. He told me he went through a lot and almost died during an overdose. He said he's doing much better now and wants to reconnect with me. However, he doesn't seem to recall a lot of things he said to me especially about our relationship. He said he wanted to keep in touch and keeps it casual for now.

We met and he still treated me well (I've never seen him high). However, I have a lot of doubts about his secretive behavior. And it's difficult for me after so many years of on and off romantic interests to have no expectations at all. My ability to trush him was at a low level.

He said I have his number, if I wanted to contact him, I can always reach him. If I choose not too, then it's not a big deal. And he told me he's always found me an interesting person but he wants to keep things casual for now.

My question is I'm not sure whether he truly cares about me or he's just playing with my feelings. I'm confused about the status and grow angry at his emotional unavailability.

Should I run away or should I give him a chance? Anyone knows about addiction can help out? He used all kinds of drugs plus alcohol.

deeker

Run for the hills. Nah Just kidding. But think carefully, you could be bringing on a world of trouble to yourself if this man is an addict. A world of Pain. You are not even with him and it is already stealing your peace some. This person is living a secretive life, that is what we addicts do. I am an addict and an alkie.

He is unwell and no one can change him unless he wants help for himself. I think you should save yourself from a world of Chaos and let him go. You are a nice lady and you will find the right one, don't sell yourself short! If you get with him he will bleed your pockets, and your heart, He's not a bad person I am sure, but he has a serious addiction and it will only get worse.

crazybabie

Read the stickies at the top of this forum and the posts, if I understand correctly at this point your not in a serious relationship with him you have typed out his patterns which =BIG RED FLAGS.

Addiction is very selfish and progressive an if one is recovering they also have to be selfish what are you hoping to gain out of a relationship with him? If you take the addiction of of the equation are you OK with being in a relationship when the person disappears for weeks? Are you OK with someone coming in and out of your life whenever they choose?

Addiction is a demon and it takes everyone who is close to the addict down with it if your going to consider this at least educate yourself about addiction first make no decision before that is my suggestion also know that you can't save him.

I wish you the best of luck.

peacedove

Maybe turn the question around a bit. Like this. Imagine you had already entered a relationship with him before now based upon his earlier statement of "I want a,b,c...". How well do you think you would be feeling right now? Right now you are at a distance and it has been chaos. Not even basic, steady friendship exists. Calls, no calls, months of no communication then communication with explanations.
See it for what it is and also what he has told you. He is an addict. What do you want for your life long term?
Read here all you can. Story after story will educate you what life is like before, during, after and on and on.
If you are happy with your life, independent, goal oriented and peaceful then I believe the stories here will show and/or tell you what can happen when addiction enters your life.
You have been given a gift by him telling you he is an addict before anything even happens between the two of you.
When I look back now on my ex AB, I do not know of one previous female "romantic" partner he had before me who was/is still a friend with him. He has children with an ex wife but that does not count because law and children stipulate a relationship between them.
My ex AB had females who were not ever romantic with him as pals or "hi how are you" females but not one female who had been romantically close with him was ever seen, heard from---just nothing. In hindsight, I do not doubt this. I know without asking or without wondering "WHY?"
Don't interpret this wrong---I don't have ex's all up in my life--but I can say for sure we are all good and have occasionally called or seen each other and said "HI HOW ARE YOU!! WHAT'S NEW WIITH YOU??" then life continued on as usual. My previous relationships did not involve addictions, either. And we have all moved on throughout the years in good, positive ways. Like it should be.
His ex's have hard feelings. Right or wrong, I can understand why.
Make your decision to allow this in to your life very carefully.
Prayers

ruthhoney

Thanks Deeker. I do care about him as a person. I don't want to see him die of an overdose at a young age. Are there addicts out there that do recover. I mean with similiar severity as his condition? Is treatment going to help?

Anyway, he's being scretive again over the weekend. Being distant. That's different from how he behaved when he reconnected with me just a fews day earlier. I suspect he might relapse again.

How big is the threat of overdose? How long can a drug addict live on average?

AnvilheadII

Should I run away or should I give him a chance?

give him a chance to do WHAT exactly? you have six years of behaviors to review. is that not enough? you knew he was an addict the DAY you met....he's not doing anything different now.

be careful - the come here/go away dance can be quite intoxicating.

crazybabie

Yes, there are addicts that do recover the stats are not good, recovery is a lifelong process they can slip at anytime those who recover and stay recovered have worked hard and continue to do so, something as simple as getting dental work can start the process all over if they let it.

You asked is treatment going to help well I believe each time one goes for treatment they have an opportunity to learn new tools but it is up to them to use them.

None of us here want anyone overdosing, hard reality is that a approx: every hour 3 people overdose and die. That could have increased because the documentary I watched was viewed about 6 months ago.