What do you do when the addict is under age?
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: West Milford WV
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What do you do when the addict is under age?
My AS is underage he's been using pot and/or spice for two years off and on. It got so bad a few months ago we had o file a juvenile petition to get help for him. He is now enrolled in drug court with random drug tests and weekly group and individual counseling. He's managed to pass all his drug tests.
You would think that this would all be good news. I did but he still doesn't act sober. I know that he's not clean. He still comes in with eyes blood shot and spacey, sleeps constantly when he's not in school. His anger and rage are off the charts.
I think he's using something that they aren't testing for now. He thinks he's smarter than the system. My husband and I have spoken with his probation Officier twice now. I feel like we are trying to be proactive. But dealing with him at home is like walking through a mine field.
You would think that this would all be good news. I did but he still doesn't act sober. I know that he's not clean. He still comes in with eyes blood shot and spacey, sleeps constantly when he's not in school. His anger and rage are off the charts.
I think he's using something that they aren't testing for now. He thinks he's smarter than the system. My husband and I have spoken with his probation Officier twice now. I feel like we are trying to be proactive. But dealing with him at home is like walking through a mine field.
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
My sympathies. What is Spice? Is that a "Bath Salt"? I know a lot of the Bath Salt stuff does not show up on regular drug tests and they are verrrry dangerous. Any way to call him out on it? Grounding, doing chores etc.?
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: West Milford WV
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Balt Salts from my understanding is a synthetic cocaine. Spice is also known as k2 potpourri or a myriad of other names. It is a synthetic pot. They have testing for it now because our state has made it illegal to sell, possess, distribute it in any form.
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Location: Waterford MI
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I remember when my daughter was in a court program.
When I thought she was using, I called her PO.
The PO then called her in for a test which showed THC, and other assortment of stuff she had been getting away with.
Other than getting him caught, and putting him in residential treatment I do not have any ideas.
The only good thing about when they are underage is being able to force some consequences. I was lucky with my daughter, so far she has straightened out and is maxing out school and work.
At that age their ability to care about consequences is very low and impulsive behavior is at the highest. That is why a lock down was the only way my daughter could get away from those decisions. She could not just make a call and get her drug. She was two hours away, and her "friends" would not make that trip.
Just what I was doing at the time, guessing and hand wringing the whole time.
I will keep you in my thoughts and hope your son hangs in or gets caught soon enough to get some real help (well away, far away from home) before more stuff happens.
Beth
When I thought she was using, I called her PO.
The PO then called her in for a test which showed THC, and other assortment of stuff she had been getting away with.
Other than getting him caught, and putting him in residential treatment I do not have any ideas.
The only good thing about when they are underage is being able to force some consequences. I was lucky with my daughter, so far she has straightened out and is maxing out school and work.
At that age their ability to care about consequences is very low and impulsive behavior is at the highest. That is why a lock down was the only way my daughter could get away from those decisions. She could not just make a call and get her drug. She was two hours away, and her "friends" would not make that trip.
Just what I was doing at the time, guessing and hand wringing the whole time.
I will keep you in my thoughts and hope your son hangs in or gets caught soon enough to get some real help (well away, far away from home) before more stuff happens.
Beth
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Carolina
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I can so understand what you are going through. My AD-16yrs old-was doing so good before we started giving her a little space. She came home last night smelling to high heaven-she had sprayed something all over her. Her eyes were blood shot and she couldn't explain where she had spent her money even though she tried her hardest to convince me that I was the crazy one. My gut tells me that she was smoking spice but there is no test to prove it. We've been through rehab twice in the past 12 months. It's beyond frustrating.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: West Milford WV
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I'm doing everything I know to do. I've don't want to send him away but if that's what it takes that's what I will do. If we give him any space at all right now he goes out to score. He blames us for everything takes no responsibility for himself or his decisions anymore.
He's always had issues with anger and behavior in school but we learned that was because he has ADD and a very high IQ with a processing speed deficit. Basically he learns easier through hearing or visually. He doesn't deal well with quiet times or testing. He was prescribed medication for it (a non stimulant) and his behavior problems have straightened out but then the drug use started. So we traded so set of problems for a more serious set.
I know that until he decides that he wants help there isn't much we can do. I love him with all my heart but I can't make him stop as much as I wish I could. So I guess I wait.
He's always had issues with anger and behavior in school but we learned that was because he has ADD and a very high IQ with a processing speed deficit. Basically he learns easier through hearing or visually. He doesn't deal well with quiet times or testing. He was prescribed medication for it (a non stimulant) and his behavior problems have straightened out but then the drug use started. So we traded so set of problems for a more serious set.
I know that until he decides that he wants help there isn't much we can do. I love him with all my heart but I can't make him stop as much as I wish I could. So I guess I wait.
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
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Willsmama, I am so sorry you are going through all of this with your son. My AS started at 13 and he is still going strong at 27. We both went to outpatient rehab for 6 weeks, but it only helped for a short while. I tried to get him into other rehabs, but he convinced them it was only weed and all under control.
If I could do things over I would have insisted on inpatient rehab at the time. I believe if you can catch the addiction before it has moved to something more serious, you have a better chance of success. It does not mean that he will stop, but at least he will get a fighting chance.
If I could do things over I would have insisted on inpatient rehab at the time. I believe if you can catch the addiction before it has moved to something more serious, you have a better chance of success. It does not mean that he will stop, but at least he will get a fighting chance.
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Hi, Willsmama. I don't envy you and was in a similar position when my son was a teen.
I understand how it can be especially difficult, since when our children are minors, the law considers parents responsible for the minor's actions (at least that's what happened with us).
It's helpful to seek support for yourself. That has helped me tremendously.
That's a tough place to be. I don't think I would have made it through days like those without outside support and finally moving him out when he was over 18 and in trouble with the law.
Hugs. We're here for you!
I understand how it can be especially difficult, since when our children are minors, the law considers parents responsible for the minor's actions (at least that's what happened with us).
It's helpful to seek support for yourself. That has helped me tremendously.
Originally Posted by Willsmama 
. But dealing with him at home is like walking through a mine field.
Hugs. We're here for you!
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
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These are the toughest stories to read: the parents of children who are addicts.
I have to qualify my opinion with I do not have children of my own, so you may take it for what it's worth.
So long as he's living under your roof, I'm of the opinion he needs to follow the rules of the house. And part of those rules is while he's living under your roof, he abstains from using. If he doesn't like it, he can find another place to live.
Now, is this harsh? Certainly. But the only reason why dealing with children is more difficult than adults is, simply, because they're children. But your son's not playing fair, and what he's banking on is you and your husband caving in to him. And this is when you establishing boundaries is important. And if he chooses to use, that's his choice, but the price he pays for his choice is he doesn't live with you anymore.
I encourage you to read as many of the stories from mothers of sick children as you can here, because you're not alone. Some of the decisions these women have made to stay sane are quite difficult and painful, but necessary.
He may be your son. But while he's using, he will attempt to manipulate anyone to get his way, and do it without conscience. So you have to be strong, and that means doing things that you may not want to do.
Hang in there.
ZoSo
I have to qualify my opinion with I do not have children of my own, so you may take it for what it's worth.
So long as he's living under your roof, I'm of the opinion he needs to follow the rules of the house. And part of those rules is while he's living under your roof, he abstains from using. If he doesn't like it, he can find another place to live.
Now, is this harsh? Certainly. But the only reason why dealing with children is more difficult than adults is, simply, because they're children. But your son's not playing fair, and what he's banking on is you and your husband caving in to him. And this is when you establishing boundaries is important. And if he chooses to use, that's his choice, but the price he pays for his choice is he doesn't live with you anymore.
I encourage you to read as many of the stories from mothers of sick children as you can here, because you're not alone. Some of the decisions these women have made to stay sane are quite difficult and painful, but necessary.
He may be your son. But while he's using, he will attempt to manipulate anyone to get his way, and do it without conscience. So you have to be strong, and that means doing things that you may not want to do.
Hang in there.
ZoSo
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: West Milford WV
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Thank you all so much! I'm hoping that the program he's in now is going to work but it only will if he wants it to. It's a serious program the judge doesn't play around. He doesn't want to go to jail. The thought of having to leave home scares him. The judge has been known to through kids in the program in jail, put them on home confinement, whatever it takes.
We've had a good couple days, he seems to be sober for the last two days but that can change at any time I feel like the other shoe will drop soon. He doesn't have any money that I know of and I don't give him money we take him to the gas station sand put gas in the truck and pay for it. We don't give him more than a dollar at a time to get a snack or drink at school. We're trying.
We've had a good couple days, he seems to be sober for the last two days but that can change at any time I feel like the other shoe will drop soon. He doesn't have any money that I know of and I don't give him money we take him to the gas station sand put gas in the truck and pay for it. We don't give him more than a dollar at a time to get a snack or drink at school. We're trying.
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