I think my dad is using heroin again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 23
I think my dad is using heroin again
So a quick back story. I'm 20, my dad is in his 40's. My family and I held an intervention for him almost a year ago because we suspected he was using drugs. We were right. He had been a heroin addict for 4 years. It started off with an addiction to painkillers the hospital had given him and took off from there.
Anyway, he got clean, and along the way my family lost our home, he lost his job for stealing/his boss found needles etc. and my parents are splitting up.
He claims he's been clean for almost a year now, and up until today I believed him. He goes to NA meetings 3-4 times a week, went to a recovery house, and speaks to counselors.
I'm so proud of him for his accomplishments, and he found a job that pays a lot out of province, so he traveled there and took his drug test today. Tonight he calls making up some excuse as to why he won't be working there and has to come back home. Basically we all think he failed his drug test.
It's easy to believe his lie, but he's been lying to me for years and I don't trust him anymore.
I don't know if I or my family should confront him? How do we help him? I'm really close with my dad and I can't handle just letting him go down this path again. He spent almost 300$ a day on heroin and came really close to dying he admitted. I can't lose my dad to this drug and I really need help.
Thanks.
Anyway, he got clean, and along the way my family lost our home, he lost his job for stealing/his boss found needles etc. and my parents are splitting up.
He claims he's been clean for almost a year now, and up until today I believed him. He goes to NA meetings 3-4 times a week, went to a recovery house, and speaks to counselors.
I'm so proud of him for his accomplishments, and he found a job that pays a lot out of province, so he traveled there and took his drug test today. Tonight he calls making up some excuse as to why he won't be working there and has to come back home. Basically we all think he failed his drug test.
It's easy to believe his lie, but he's been lying to me for years and I don't trust him anymore.
I don't know if I or my family should confront him? How do we help him? I'm really close with my dad and I can't handle just letting him go down this path again. He spent almost 300$ a day on heroin and came really close to dying he admitted. I can't lose my dad to this drug and I really need help.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Racine, WI
Posts: 35
illiga,
first and foremost sorry to hear about the rollercoaster you have been on with your father's addiction. next,and this will be a harsh dose of reality, but your father will not quit unless he wants to. i am a recovering addict with 7 months of sobriety, granted the first time i went to rehab was dec 2011 and it was for everyone else and not myself. i went into rehab for the sake of my family and not for myself, because even in the back of my mind i knew i was not personally ready for that. in regards to treatment and getting clean, your father will have success only when he seeks help and sobriety on his own terms, and the time it may take will tax not only your emotion, stress and thought but also those of the rest of the family.
addiction to drugs is the most selfish act any adult or child can partake in, as sad as it is to say this the only thing he truly cares about right now is heroin. it is time for you to show him tough love! i dont know your current living situation, but hoping its not under the same roof as your father, if so my apologies for what stress each day must bring upon you. however, you being 20 years of age should just go on livng your life, the time and resources you spend on worrying about your dad is not benefiting your growth as a person or goals you may have set out for yourself? if your father doesnt care about you and cares about drugs in the meantime, you should be selfish as well.
ensure at the same time no one in your family is enabling him either, tell your siblings, mother and other members of the family to cut him off from money or objects he may use to pawn/trade for drugs as well. that is the one thing your family can do to shut down a channel for his drug money. that is one reason why i stopped taking pain pills after 5-years you eventually run out of resources money, stuff to pawn, and family as well shut off the borrowing of money etc.
i cannot imagine what you have gone through in your short time on this earth! honestly, unless your father is sitting in a inpatient rehab dont believe a single word out of his mouth. i am some what reluctant to have cleaned up while my kids were both 7 and 3 years old so they will hopefully forget all the bs i told them in the years i was addicted. one more personal note man, i am lucky to not have graduated to heroin, there is a huge problem in wisconsin where i am at with it. i think it was somewhat serendipidous that i lost two friends to that ****** drug in my lifetime that detered me from ever touching heroin. it taught me how dangerous that drug can be, but honestly pain pills arent muchbetter they are manufactured from the same poppy plant that is used to make heroin. its just legal quote unquote since a dr can prescribe it. what a crock!
in closing, you have to let him hit bottom, and only he will know when that will be, but you and the rest of the family cannot help him unless he is willing to get HELP himself. interventions rarely work because youre telling the addict what to do and honestly, the only thing that tells that person what to do is either their dealer or the drug itself.
i hope at least one iota of my reply sticks with you, feel free to PM me if you got any other questions ok.
take care-
pk-
first and foremost sorry to hear about the rollercoaster you have been on with your father's addiction. next,and this will be a harsh dose of reality, but your father will not quit unless he wants to. i am a recovering addict with 7 months of sobriety, granted the first time i went to rehab was dec 2011 and it was for everyone else and not myself. i went into rehab for the sake of my family and not for myself, because even in the back of my mind i knew i was not personally ready for that. in regards to treatment and getting clean, your father will have success only when he seeks help and sobriety on his own terms, and the time it may take will tax not only your emotion, stress and thought but also those of the rest of the family.
addiction to drugs is the most selfish act any adult or child can partake in, as sad as it is to say this the only thing he truly cares about right now is heroin. it is time for you to show him tough love! i dont know your current living situation, but hoping its not under the same roof as your father, if so my apologies for what stress each day must bring upon you. however, you being 20 years of age should just go on livng your life, the time and resources you spend on worrying about your dad is not benefiting your growth as a person or goals you may have set out for yourself? if your father doesnt care about you and cares about drugs in the meantime, you should be selfish as well.
ensure at the same time no one in your family is enabling him either, tell your siblings, mother and other members of the family to cut him off from money or objects he may use to pawn/trade for drugs as well. that is the one thing your family can do to shut down a channel for his drug money. that is one reason why i stopped taking pain pills after 5-years you eventually run out of resources money, stuff to pawn, and family as well shut off the borrowing of money etc.
i cannot imagine what you have gone through in your short time on this earth! honestly, unless your father is sitting in a inpatient rehab dont believe a single word out of his mouth. i am some what reluctant to have cleaned up while my kids were both 7 and 3 years old so they will hopefully forget all the bs i told them in the years i was addicted. one more personal note man, i am lucky to not have graduated to heroin, there is a huge problem in wisconsin where i am at with it. i think it was somewhat serendipidous that i lost two friends to that ****** drug in my lifetime that detered me from ever touching heroin. it taught me how dangerous that drug can be, but honestly pain pills arent muchbetter they are manufactured from the same poppy plant that is used to make heroin. its just legal quote unquote since a dr can prescribe it. what a crock!
in closing, you have to let him hit bottom, and only he will know when that will be, but you and the rest of the family cannot help him unless he is willing to get HELP himself. interventions rarely work because youre telling the addict what to do and honestly, the only thing that tells that person what to do is either their dealer or the drug itself.
i hope at least one iota of my reply sticks with you, feel free to PM me if you got any other questions ok.
take care-
pk-
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Sweetie, you don't let him go down that path...he chooses to go down that path and sadly, nothing you say or do can stop him.
You don't have to pretend you believe his lies, you don't have to pretend that there is any reason/excuse on earth why he should continue, so please just take care of you.
It hurts deeply to watch someone we love destroy themselves with drugs, I know. I will keep your dad in my prayers, that he finds help soon.
Hugs
You don't have to pretend you believe his lies, you don't have to pretend that there is any reason/excuse on earth why he should continue, so please just take care of you.
It hurts deeply to watch someone we love destroy themselves with drugs, I know. I will keep your dad in my prayers, that he finds help soon.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Hi Sweetie,
I remember when you posted a few months ago. I think it's important to recognize that you didn't actually believe him all this time, but have been in and out of denial.
Are you doing anything for yourself? I cannot tell you how much Al-Anon is helping me. It's one way to get on a path back to sanity.
You didn't cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this
You are not responsible for your Dad, and even if you were, you can't do anything about his addiction. You have to save you. It's the hardest thing in the world to do - realize you must let go of the illusion of control here and get out of the path. But once you do it, you will begin slowly feeling better.
Peace and Prayers,
Hanna
I remember when you posted a few months ago. I think it's important to recognize that you didn't actually believe him all this time, but have been in and out of denial.
Are you doing anything for yourself? I cannot tell you how much Al-Anon is helping me. It's one way to get on a path back to sanity.
You didn't cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this
You are not responsible for your Dad, and even if you were, you can't do anything about his addiction. You have to save you. It's the hardest thing in the world to do - realize you must let go of the illusion of control here and get out of the path. But once you do it, you will begin slowly feeling better.
Peace and Prayers,
Hanna
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Confrontation does not cure addiction.
You can help him by not enabling him.
Your father chooses the path he will travel. Short of kidnapping and bondage, there is nothing you and the family can say or do, or not, that will make a difference. You are not that powerful. None of us are. And for most of us, that's hard to swallow. If love and concern were powerful enough to snap an addict out of it, none of us would be here.
Just as he has a choice, so do you. You can allow your dad's choices to impact your emotional stability or not. Detach with an abundance of love.
You can help him by not enabling him.
Your father chooses the path he will travel. Short of kidnapping and bondage, there is nothing you and the family can say or do, or not, that will make a difference. You are not that powerful. None of us are. And for most of us, that's hard to swallow. If love and concern were powerful enough to snap an addict out of it, none of us would be here.
Just as he has a choice, so do you. You can allow your dad's choices to impact your emotional stability or not. Detach with an abundance of love.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 23
Thanks for taking the time to reply. I guess I'll have to show him tough love. He doesn't live with me and I probably won't see him for a year or so because he found a new job. I'll defiantly keep you in mind if I have any other questions. Thanks again!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Sorry you are going through this. It's something that has impacted every area of my life. Please do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. For me, that means working my own program now. It's not what I thought would happen but only good things have come from it. I'll keep you and your Dad in my thoughts and prayers.
Hanna
Hanna
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