Hanna

???

Impurrfect

I know that I spent oh...a couple of decades believing what XABF#1 told me. I even told him "I trust you to give me every reason NOT to trust you" and stayed with him.

Dummy that I am, I turned to drugs to "cope" with my failure to fix him. Not only didn't it work, it led me to a really low bottom on drugs.

When I finally decided to get clean and checked out SR, I was drawn to this forum. FINALLY! I accepted that I was a codie and it made sense?

However, seeing my part in the dysfunction of now THREE XABFs, wasn't fast nor easy. I had a lot of bitterness, blame, and other feelings to work through. A dear friend had told me, about 30 years ago, "we get what we tolerate". It took me until about 6 years ago to "get" what she was saying.

We get where we need to be when we're ready, IMO. Yes, I can now find humor in my past behavior, but there was time there was nothing funny about it. It was too raw.

Kudos to all who are walking this path, and those who are walking with you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Hanna

Yeah, making fun of ourselves is something To which I can relate.

But when I make fun of the addict I brought home it's just a way of working on that situation for me.

This is a helpful topic for me, actually.

madisonblake

You brought back a memory of two years ago when my ex lied to me. Told me he had to go becaues he was having dinner with his parents. I knew it was B.S. because of how late it was. Later I found out of course he was going out to drink and do drugs with his friends. The excuse for lying "you don't like my friends and you don't want me to go out with anyone so I lied to you!!!" Of course, trying to turn the table on me. of course, he went out and got plastered and went on a drug bender with them that lasted for days.

peacedove

madisonblake, your post made me chuckle to myself--not because of your situation but because of the topic of "you don't like...blah/blah/blah and you don't blah/blah/blah..." you say your ex made. one, lawdamercy they always blame something or someone almost always. the couple of times i remember mine actually taking ownership was rare and not genuine in hindsight. Then two is what made me laugh...guess what?? i really didn't like his friends, honestly. when i say friends--i mean the ones he associated with the most--there were others i truly did like and wanted to see more often but it never happened. his "friends" were depressing, had issues, were "stuck" somewhere other than the present time and never, ever did any of them want to just go to dinner or an outing and go friggin' home. EVER! nope--eating was not what was important. now i get why. this girl(me)--i have to eat, go home, get to bed and sleep then get up early in the AM. and this is what i am doing and it feels sooooooooo good! and to my ex--now i would say but wont' due to NC and being in another world as well---buddy--your friends suck. hate it for ya!

Evey

Tomorrow will be two weeks no contact!!! hooray!! finally getting over the "hump" and I have no desire to contact him at all! Ive been going out with friends and enjoying myself these last few days! feels pretty AMAZING!