kelleyt

This morning once again I was crazy in my head I was thinking if I let him go What if he forgets about me what if he dies what if he finds someone else what if ???? Then it hits me god already knows what's going to happen why do I need to know ?? I just need to keep praying for strength and wisdom to get to more meetings both Aa/alnon stay busy with my life !! I need to let this go I can't even talk to him when he is high cause I want to punch him in the face !! Would god do that ??No I can't talk to someone who is not in there right mind !! But I still try its insanity and I know it ?? I don't know what will happen to him or me but I know today that he is not mr right for me !! We are on to different street here I need to stay in my lane !! I want to let go !!! Tell me how u guys did it !! I need to keep hearing it thanks

shinebright7

Letting go and Letting God can be a process...

The other day I was reading in Pathways to Recovery (an Al Anon book) and in the section about Step 3, this person was telling a story about her God is patient.

Without looking at the exact page again, she said something about how He lets her make the same mistakes over and over and take back what she had already given Him, and He lets her wrestle with it again until she's ready to let go again. Her God is a kind and loving and understanding God.

I found this passage when I was in a Step 3 meeting and had just felt like I had made a mistake again by being in contact with my husband after kicking him out of the house and then spending the night at his hotel room and hanging out there all the next day in bed with him.

Did it mess with my heart and my head? Absolutely.

I had "taken back" what I had previously given to my Higher Power.

But like the person in the story shared, my Higher Power is patient and loving and kind too, and will be there when I'm ready to hand my husband over again.

There is a page in one of the daily readers for Al Anon that talks about envisioning that we wrap our addict up in a blanket they would like (something from grandma, a sleeping bag, a quilt, an army blanket etc.) and then picture ourselves handing over our loved one to our Higher Power (or their Higher Power.)

When I have done this, it has been extremely powerful. And now that I'm writing about this and see how I spent the night in his hotel room a few days ago, I realized that I had stopped doing that visual prayer for some time.

Sharing this all with you is a reminder to work the aspect of turning things over to my Higher Power more proactively and consciously. So, thank you for posting your question!

Do you go to Al Anon, hun? There are so many good readings in the materials on letting go.

We sometimes have our own addiction to the addict, the drama, our desire, forcing solutions that don't work, trying to fix, manage, and control, etc...

It helps to see that we are powerless over those things (step 1) and that we need to be restored to sanity by a power greater than ourselves (step 2) and then turn our will and our lives over to the care of God (step 3.)

These, to me, are sort of a lather, rinse, repeat set of steps.

They were the first steps that I memorized and set to repeating to myself often during the day...

But knowing of the steps is not enough...

My job now is to take some action toward them to LIVE them.

My Higher Power is going to grant me these insights, but I need to show up and be ready to receive them, ya know?

You sound clear that he is not Mr. Right for you and that you can't continue to engage with an active addict. That's a big awareness to have.

Check out an Al Anon meeting if you can or go to Half.com and check out Al Anon books. There is also a book by Beattie called: The Language of Letting God. LMN posts readings from that book here on the forum sometimes.

You're doing a great thing for yourself by being here and reaching out for help. Keep reading and posting. I'm sure others will chime in with great things to think about in terms of letting go. I'll definitely be checking back to see what they say too.

hugs --

ShineBright7

lilyB2013

Shinebright really made some excellent and amazing points in her response. For myself, I'm definitely still in the process of letting go-- but it's also all that codependence trying to make me hang onto something, to control the future of the relationship, struggling to hold onto the cracks in the foundation.

I'd say, I'm 60-40 in terms of letting to. I remember when I was 10-90... Then 30-70, etc. I remember when it all started, it physically made me sick to even THINK of leaving him, it made me feel wretched the thought of being intimate with anyone else. I felt guilty, isolated, alone, and like I was the one who had caused all of it; it was hell.

But write in your journal, go to your meetings, buy some books, read everyone's posts, and focus on what you physically have to do to get through the day. The more preoccupied you become with your needs, the easier it is to get perspective, and now when it hurts, it's not as bad. I used to cry for hours and hours--- now I only cry for a few minutes at a time- and only when I think too hard on it and dwell on what we used to have. It hurts, it's just not as cutting anymore.