peacedove

Today is only day 9 for me since split with AEBF but it was a better day. A more like me day. My brother came for a visit for a few hours just to chat and really...it does help to know others care as well as talk about something else, think about something else and DO something else, too. Strange how when things like this happen in life it is awful, it is gutwrenching and everything as you know it stops on a dime. I know I go up and down, back and forth with the way I feel every day. But my brother coming to check in on me and hang out for a while is really quite nice. A side of him I would not have expected. Generally, he can be difficult, opinionated and hard core or everything is black/white with no gray areas type of person. Through this, with me, he has not been that way at all. SO...my rambling is just to say...acknowledge something good and positive when it happens, too. Appreciate the little things people do when they care. Remember to keep in touch with the people who are good and strong and faithful to you and help support you in time of need. He's a busy person, too, like everyone is but he took the time out to be here instead. Just wanted to post a positive is all.

Ann

Peacedove, it sounds like you are finding your own peace. Sharing it with your brother just makes it even better.

I hope the days ahead are healing for you and bring you courage to face the bad days and joy to embrace the good ones.

Hugs

peacedove

Thanks. I have to find peace as we all do. I don't have it just yet--not fully--or I wouldn't feel wobbly like I do. This AM I have already had to tell myself to remember the last few weeks with him and not the sporadic/non lasting what we refer to as "good times". Things creep in and I have to push them back out somehow. It's hard like we all agree. Doing this now, feeling this now and struggling through it now is what I want so I can reach the other side of this. It's hard when the ex partner is still living it up seemingly unphased(this I imagine just from the past and how he is because I do not have any knowledge of him at all since the split)and I feel so empty on some levels. I keep telling myself "girl, no matter what it looks like or looked like or what you think or thought--there is nothing there you want or wanted or ever will want--" and it helps to repeat that over and over to myself. I have no idea if anyone else has to do that but I do. Maybe it's an early stage thing. I don't know. Just doing what I can since I am out of it and I want to stay out of it, too. Fighting the "what i honestly know to be true" versus the "fantasy/belief of what I thought I had." Pretty much a mind game. Not only do they do it--we do it to ourselves in the aftermath as well. But I'm working on it!!

shinebright7

Great to hear you had a nice time with your brother.

I know when big things like this happen I have struggled to LIVE AND LET LIVE.

I've been trying to let go of my husband, but then I've been rolling over and dying and not continuing to live my life, ya know?

The other day I read this when I was looking in the index about Crisis, so I thought I'd share it with you to encourage you and me to keep LIVING no matter what's going on with our partners.

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From One Day At A Time - p. 124
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This is a story about a man who dedicated his life to helping the families of alcoholics.

On one occasion he was invited to address an important Al Anon meeting in a place about 700 miles from home. Shortly before this event, he lost his beloved wife.

Those who had asked him to appear thought he would certainly not wish to keep his speaking engagement. But he did.

To one of the members who had expressed sympathy he said: "Let me tell you a story of an Englishwoman at the time of the Blitz in the Second World War. Her husband had met sudden death, and her minister went to break the news to her.

When she greeted him she asked, "Are you bringing me bad news that you come at this unusual time of day?"

"I'm afraid so," the minister answered.

"Is it about my husband? Is he dead?"

"Yes, I am sorry to bring you such sad tidings..."

She interrupted him to say, "Come in and let me make you a cup of tea."

At his astonished look, she explained, "My mother taught me, when I was a little girl, that when anything very dreadful happens, I must think of what I would be doing if it had not happened, and then do that."

He gave a moving and inspiring talk to the assembled Al Anons. Everyone marveled at his ability to rise above his personal sorrow, but few realized he had distilled that sorrow into inspiration for us.