Angel78

I usually post in the substance abuse forum. I'm an addict. At midnight I will have 30 days. I'm also a single mom to a 2 year old boy. I live alone with my son and have sole custody. His father sees him 3 days per month. I refuse to live with my sons father because he screams at me says really crappy things and basically has no respect. Like for example he knows my money is tight and I have just enough milk for my son but he will come over and drink it anyway. Stuff like that. The verbal and emotional abuse is the worst because I know it is scary for a two year old boy. I see a therapist weekly but I need help to get this man out of my life. He is a recovering addict also. I have 30 days because of a relapse. My ex claims to have 3 years. I don't get why he treats me like this. My family dislikes him. I know there is no future. I need help with this. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions??

Kindeyes

Hi Angel.....welcome!

Unfortunately, people sometimes treat us poorly because we have weak (or nonexisting) boundaries. Sometimes it's just because they are mean, inconsiderate people. And often it's a combination.

If you are currently participating in NA or AA, you might consider also going to some Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings. Using the same methodology, those support groups will help you begin to focus on yourself, setting boundaries, and strengthening coping strategies. We learn that we can't control others but we have more control of our own circumstances than we realize.

Keep up the good work on your own sobriety/recovery!

gentle hugs
ke

TMZ

I agree with Kindeyes. A Nar-Anon would help you to focus on you.

People treat you how you allow them to. You need to set some boundaries, and don't allow them to cross them. have a consequence for crossing that line. ( like drink your sons milk then the visit is over and you need to leave.)

Glad your back on the wagon after a relapse. One day at a time. Stay strong You deserve the respect.

Angel78

Thank you all. I'm thinking that I will check out the nar anon meeting. I just have to look online for one close to me. I love 12 step meetings they help me in my recovery. Now I'm realizing that I have an actual addiction to this man who treats me bad and makes me feel horrible. He says things to me then 5 minutes later he says he didn't say them. It's so confusing. I really need support with this. Deciding to tell him no more seems unbearable but I have to do this.

wicked

*****! on your 30 days!

Just as NA and AA is helping with your addictions,
The alanon and naranon will help with your addiction to him
I use the word addiction because it describes going back and doing the same thing,
(bad relationship with a mean selfish man) but expecting different results.
You will get help getting over the unbearable part.
the support is there and here for you , and by extension your sweet little baby boy.

Beth

shinebright7

Wonderful to hear about your 30 days, hun!

I agree with KE about the boundaries thing...

For instance...just because someone comes to our door, doesn't mean we have to let them in.

If your ex has some visitation rights, then maybe you can meet with him and your son in a public place so you are not alone with him where he can more easily be verbally abusive and he also won't be able to drink the milk you need for your baby.

We can't control other people, but we can do our part to control the circumstances under which we do or don't see them.

Keep coming to the forum here to share and read the posts -- and let us know if you get to an Al Anon/Nar Anon meeting.

You're definitely doing the right thing trying to figure out how to help you and your son be happy and healthy. ((hugs))

allforcnm

Now is a good time to try to make some changes before your son gets older, and has more understanding of the tension, and verbal/emotional issues going with your ex. Is his behavior only directed at you? He is kind, loving to his son when he visits? I agree some boundaries would be helpful, trying to minimize his opportunity to act out - maybe meeting in public places, or have someone else with you who would remain calm. And if possible at some point, if you could get some mediation, counseling together with the goal of working out the issues and reaching an understanding, even if solely for your sons benefit. My son is just a little younger than yours. I can already see how it gets more difficult protecting them as they start to grow and make connections in their thought process. I mean I can almost see my son figuring things out some times.. its amazing, and sometimes frightening.