Old 04-24-2013, 08:02 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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I'm on vacation with my daughter and I feel so incredibly calm it's unreal. It's almost as if I forgot what it was like to not be on a roller coaster ride. My aexbf was supposed to be on this trip until two days before he acted like the psycho he is and I found out about the drugs once again. Of course, I refused to let someone acting as psychotic as he was Friday night come on the vacation that we had planned with my daughter.

I won't lie my first 2 days here, I was angry, emotional and just not doing well. It didn't last too long though. I feel calm. I feel good. I keep thinking what would it be like right now to have him here? He would be either coming down from whatever pill binge he just went on, maybe popping pills while we were here, or wanting to be on pills. Either way, he would not be a fun person to be around. The worse part is that I would have been so angry at him that we would have probably just gotten in a huge blow out.

So when I wrote a post earlier this week saying I was embarassed to be back here, I'm not anymore. I realize how much I've grown and detached from this person who is not what I thought he was. In the past, whenever a vacation was ruined or we fought or he left, I would feel incredibly hurt and lost for days. This time, it only took two days and I honestly don't care that he's not here. I'm happy and thank God I pulled my head out of my a--s for a change and stopped this addict from ruining my sense of calmness on this vacation.

It would have been a much different dynamic if he had been here. I feel so much more calm and so much more connected to my daughter. I think I'm starting to finally understand what it is to feel indifference.

Back to the sun and sand tomorrow!
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Old 04-25-2013, 07:47 AM
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Good for you and thanks for sharing.

It's good to take time for you and your family! Have a great vacation !!!
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Old 04-25-2013, 08:05 PM
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Happy for you!! Good Choice!!
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Old 04-26-2013, 01:26 AM
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Enjoy the sun and DESERVE IT.
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Old 04-26-2013, 04:13 AM
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Wow so glad you are having a good time. Now relax soak up all that sun and enjoy your daughter.
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Old 04-26-2013, 05:23 AM
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My mother died 15 years ago but the best memories I have of her are those little vacations we took together, just the two of us. They weren't expensive because we didn't have a lot of money but they sure were fun. We laughed and we talked until late at night like two girlfriends even though my mother was 40 years older than me. I will always treasure those times.

You are getting that time with your daughter right now and I am so glad you are having a wonderful time. The time you have together now will be a memory that will last forever.

Perhaps that's the "strangely wrapped gift" in all this, the blessing you didn't anticipate when you were upset that your abf wouldn't be sober enough to come.

I find that most times in life, those times that are hardest are often contain the "strangely wrapped gift" that will take us some place wonderful and bring us joy.

You don't have to live in chaos for even one more day. Your vacation may end but the peace you feel can last forever. And the memories you make today and tomorrow will bring you smiles in days to come.

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