I dont care
 

I just have decided to say screw it.

my bf may or may not have relapsed. Im going to assume he has.

He also has put himself on what are called colors. It is random drug testing through the state. I have decided Im going to pretend he isn't an addict at all. Hear me out ok?

If he stands me up. That's not ok.
If he steals from me, that's not ok.
etc. so on and soforth.

He will not be able to cheat the colors forever. In he event that he is using, he will make a mistake eventually.

only time will tell and quite frankly... I just don't care anymore.

But that is what you should do, remove the addiction. I don’t know about pretending he isn’t an addict, but removing the addiction is a good thing Don’t have it be the blame, the cause, the reason, then you can look at the actions. Like what you wrote, being stood up, isn’t ok, stealing from you isn’t ok…define how you wish to be treated, and what is acceptable to you.

I removed the addiction a long time ago, all across the board. The addiction means nothing to me, it gets no power. Yet how I am treated will define who is in my life and who isn't.

yes. remove the addiction. it is so freeing!!!!

for example, I am sitting waiting for church to start. Im going to sing praise to my HP and clap my hands and feel loved.

is he going to be here like he promised???

don't know. don't care.

:D

oh i love that! sounds soooo freeing and so uncomplicated.
i sit and wonder if my husband is a jerk to me because of the drugs and alcohol, or is that just HIM ?
so thanks, i guess it doesnt matter why he is the way he is , what matters is if he is treating me in a way i feel is acceptable, and if not what are the consequences.
thanks alot for your post it really gave me a new insight, and good luck to you !!

I do not know how to have a relationship with a thief. Easier to have and enforce a boundary to not get/remain involved with thieves.

I do not allow addiction to excuse anything, including my own tendencies towards codependency.

Unacceptable behavior is always unacceptable behavior! Whether it’s from an addict, alcoholic, family, friend, neighbor, co-worker or the person behind you in the grocery store line.

The bigger issue is not in identifying who’s doing the bad behavior or why but in what you plan to do about it.

If a dog is known to bite, then we are wise to stay away from it.

It is not the dog's fault that it is the way it is.

In this moment, it's just a dog that is prone to biting people.

There are ways to be safe around dogs like that, but we also don't have to be around dogs like that.

We can avoid those dogs, and at the same time, don't have to hate them.

We just know what we want to be around and what we don't.

Detaching with love.