scared for what will happen next
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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scared for what will happen next
My boyfriend has been addicted to crack for 2 1/2 years and he finally made his own decision to go to rehab to get the help he needs from professionals. He went last week and I've kept in touch with him but he tells me now that his insurance won't cover the rest of it. They only paid for his detox so they aren't paying for the actual 30 day rehab because they already did the detox so he is coming home sometime this week. They referred him to an IOP but he's going to have to pay out of pocket and he doesn't have a job so its kind of impossible. Its sad because he tells me how great its been to be there because he has learned so much about himself already and wants to continue.
It seems like in detox they drug everyone up though because my boyfriend has bad anxiety so they have been giving him suboxone, tramadol for sleeping and muscle relaxers and all of this stuff. I mean crack is definetely a mental struggle, not so much a physical one so I feel like they are giving him way too much and I just dontt want him to become addicted to any of this stuff, I just want him to be clean from everything!
Anyways I guess I'm nervous for him to come back so soon because I want him to recover and take the proper time to sort thru his problems in rehab and a week is not nearly enough. I'm just very scared for what will come. Any advice on what to expect if a loved one doesn't finish rehab (although he never really started it). Will he go back to his old ways? Or has this one time really showed him that drugs aren't for him?
It seems like in detox they drug everyone up though because my boyfriend has bad anxiety so they have been giving him suboxone, tramadol for sleeping and muscle relaxers and all of this stuff. I mean crack is definetely a mental struggle, not so much a physical one so I feel like they are giving him way too much and I just dontt want him to become addicted to any of this stuff, I just want him to be clean from everything!
Anyways I guess I'm nervous for him to come back so soon because I want him to recover and take the proper time to sort thru his problems in rehab and a week is not nearly enough. I'm just very scared for what will come. Any advice on what to expect if a loved one doesn't finish rehab (although he never really started it). Will he go back to his old ways? Or has this one time really showed him that drugs aren't for him?
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Toronto, On
Posts: 43
I hate to say it freckles, but most likely not....be prepared that this may not be his opportunity. Im surprised they gave him so many drug in detox, frankly it seems counter productive to me. I researched and found a program that didn't turn anyone away...they used donations to help those with no means. Note: I researched......not him, hence he was not fully committed. I would say let him make the choice about what to do when he returns. If he lives with you, he needs not too. He will do what is necessary if he is truly ready to make the change.
Best of Luck and try not to worry....(I know..i know)
Best of Luck and try not to worry....(I know..i know)
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Something doesn't quite sound right about this.
But, some treatment is better than no treatment. I would keep my expectations is check. Depending on where you are located, The Salvation Army has a very good program and there is no charge.
Enough about him though, we're here to help you, how are you doing?
But, some treatment is better than no treatment. I would keep my expectations is check. Depending on where you are located, The Salvation Army has a very good program and there is no charge.
Enough about him though, we're here to help you, how are you doing?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
The Salvation Army rehab is very good and free. If he is serious about his recovery, he will look into it. Crack is a tough drug to shake, it takes longer than some because of the way it affects the brain. Long term rehab can help him regain his balance and heal.
It is unlikely that one time, one brief time, did the trick. Maybe, but not likely.
What do YOU want? If you don't want him coming to live with you, perhaps tell him to make other arrangements.
Sorry this is not going well for you and hope he manages to stay clean.
Hugs
It is unlikely that one time, one brief time, did the trick. Maybe, but not likely.
What do YOU want? If you don't want him coming to live with you, perhaps tell him to make other arrangements.
Sorry this is not going well for you and hope he manages to stay clean.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Originally Posted by frecklyface 
My boyfriend has been addicted to crack for 2 1/2 years and he finally made his own decision to go to rehab to get the help he needs from professionals. He went last week and I've kept in touch with him but he tells me now that his insurance won't cover the rest of it. They only paid for his detox so they aren't paying for the actual 30 day rehab because they already did the detox so he is coming home sometime this week. They referred him to an IOP but he's going to have to pay out of pocket and he doesn't have a job so its kind of impossible. Its sad because he tells me how great its been to be there because he has learned so much about himself already and wants to continue.
It seems like in detox they drug everyone up though because my boyfriend has bad anxiety so they have been giving him suboxone, tramadol for sleeping and muscle relaxers and all of this stuff. I mean crack is definetely a mental struggle, not so much a physical one so I feel like they are giving him way too much and I just dontt want him to become addicted to any of this stuff, I just want him to be clean from everything!
Anyways I guess I'm nervous for him to come back so soon because I want him to recover and take the proper time to sort thru his problems in rehab and a week is not nearly enough. I'm just very scared for what will come. Any advice on what to expect if a loved one doesn't finish rehab (although he never really started it). Will he go back to his old ways? Or has this one time really showed him that drugs aren't for him?
It seems like in detox they drug everyone up though because my boyfriend has bad anxiety so they have been giving him suboxone, tramadol for sleeping and muscle relaxers and all of this stuff. I mean crack is definetely a mental struggle, not so much a physical one so I feel like they are giving him way too much and I just dontt want him to become addicted to any of this stuff, I just want him to be clean from everything!
Anyways I guess I'm nervous for him to come back so soon because I want him to recover and take the proper time to sort thru his problems in rehab and a week is not nearly enough. I'm just very scared for what will come. Any advice on what to expect if a loved one doesn't finish rehab (although he never really started it). Will he go back to his old ways? Or has this one time really showed him that drugs aren't for him?
"There are two main misconceptions that really drive me crazy when it comes to addictions," says Dr. Kathleen Brady, a professor at the Medical University of South Carolina. "One of them is this whole idea that an individual needs to reach rock bottom before they can get any help. That is absolutely wrong. There is no evidence that that's true. In fact, quite the contrary. The earlier in the addiction process that you can intervene and get someone help, the more they have to live for. The more they have to get better for."
The other big myth, says Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the federal government's National Institute on Drug Abuse, is that you have to want to be treated in order to get better. Even as an internationally respected researcher, she once believed that to be true, Volkow says, but she knows now that people who are forced into treatment do recover. Addicted people may be pushed to enter a treatment program by an employer, a companion or the criminal justice system”.
NIDA offers this link from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Admin. to assist in locating treatment in your area. Make sure you select the appropriate options that you’re looking for; inpatient, outpatient, help with payment, sliding scale. You can look under the FAQ section for details...
Substance Abuse Treatment Facility Locator
Their site is full of helpful information, and there is a section specifically for family, designed to help them with decisions on treatment options. here is one link, might be helpful:
Principles of Effective Treatment | National Institute on Drug Abuse
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I’m on the same page with cynical one – something doesn’t sound quite right. Suboxone is used for opiate addiction. Tramadol is a narcotic-like pain reliever, there may be more going on then he is telling you.
How long have you been involved with him? My experience with addicts is that when they disclose they are using a certain drug most often there are plenty more they are abusing and won't tell you about.
If he truly wants recovery he will find a program and stick with it….insurance should have nothing to do with that plan. There are meeting all over the place and as mentioned the Salvation Army……if he wants it bad enough he will do what ever it takes.
How long have you been involved with him? My experience with addicts is that when they disclose they are using a certain drug most often there are plenty more they are abusing and won't tell you about.
If he truly wants recovery he will find a program and stick with it….insurance should have nothing to do with that plan. There are meeting all over the place and as mentioned the Salvation Army……if he wants it bad enough he will do what ever it takes.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Toronto, On
Posts: 43
I think everyone has a different opinion on how and when to help...and when not too. I suppose it's up to us to decide how far we want to go...and how many times?!?! If he is the type that lets everyone else rally to the rescue everytime......if he is the type that says about every bump in the road.....it will all work out it always does....he may need to research and commit to treatment on his own. Not without your support, by his own initiative. especially if he is sounding positive about rehab already. If he is way down at the bottom of the hole, he may need a hand up a first....but once they are in detox, they have access to counselors who can help him find the treatment options he need. You are not responsible for that. Sometimes support may mean giving him the chance to sink or swim, as tough as it may be. Just my opinion....
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 398
I don't think there's anything wrong with helping him- doing that which he could not (literally NOT ABLE to) do for himself. This is completely different than "helping" by doing that which he does not want to do for himself.
Give him his dignity. Let him plan and dictate his own recovery.
How are you doing? What are you doing for your own recovery; your life?
Give him his dignity. Let him plan and dictate his own recovery.
How are you doing? What are you doing for your own recovery; your life?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 10
Well he also popped pills like perc or morphine. Its very sad his insurance won't cover the rehab. My bf said that in order for him to get into the rehab, he will need to mess up again with drugs in order to really get the help he needs which I find absolutely crazy that you need to hit rock bottom in order to get help. His insurance is pointless because it barely covers anything and he got billed for the rehab and it was 10 grand but his insurance paid 70% so now he's gotta pay 2grand and his family doesn't have that kind of money, so they are skidding by life paycheck to paycheck which is disgusting to watch. Its very sad and leaves me feeling uneasy about his situation. He met a guy in rehab and they bond really well, he's kind of like a father figure to him and they both got out the same day and they are starting to go to NA meetings together because my bf doesn't have a car which makes things 10x difficult.
I'm also disgusted at the fact that when he got home yesterday (which I didn't know he was coming home so it was a suprise because I didn't talk to him much while he was in detox) that he came home to chaos. His sister was drunk off her ass, his mom was in a drug stupor and his brother was drinking alcohol and no one was up to make it a positive welcoming home get together. I feel bad because he is young and just wants to get out of his dysfunctional families house because all of that chaos is too much for him so he just wants an escape and uses crack. His family doesn't motivate him, everyone of his family members are addicted to something and its such a bad environment to be in and I want to help but its difficult to when I'm doing my own things. He said when he was in rehab he had so much clarity and time away from the chaos that he actually got a decent amout of sleep and felt good.
I just don't want him to lose motivation. Its difficult because he doesn't have a car so its hard for him to get a job and its hard because his family is crazy and all he wants to do is have a normal life and not deal with coming home to everyone high on drugs.
I'm also disgusted at the fact that when he got home yesterday (which I didn't know he was coming home so it was a suprise because I didn't talk to him much while he was in detox) that he came home to chaos. His sister was drunk off her ass, his mom was in a drug stupor and his brother was drinking alcohol and no one was up to make it a positive welcoming home get together. I feel bad because he is young and just wants to get out of his dysfunctional families house because all of that chaos is too much for him so he just wants an escape and uses crack. His family doesn't motivate him, everyone of his family members are addicted to something and its such a bad environment to be in and I want to help but its difficult to when I'm doing my own things. He said when he was in rehab he had so much clarity and time away from the chaos that he actually got a decent amout of sleep and felt good.
I just don't want him to lose motivation. Its difficult because he doesn't have a car so its hard for him to get a job and its hard because his family is crazy and all he wants to do is have a normal life and not deal with coming home to everyone high on drugs.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: new york
Posts: 78
hmmm... my husband was in rehab a few weeks ago for crack and alcohol, and they told him there was no detox for crack . he went straight to rehab, i dont know, maybe there is a detox for it and not every rehab does things the same way?
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 30
My husband went to a detox like this too, back in sept. They put him on suboxone, did half fast "therapy" and this ridiculous IOP. Well it was all a nightmare and none of it helped. He started to abuse suboxone. Now he's in rehab, 30 days oh and they did a 7 day detox to get him off suboxone. I wish both of you luck. Please try and find a rehab for him
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well he went into detox for morphine and percocet because basically he knew that the insurance company wasnt going to cover for detox if they knew it was just crack, so his mom gave him some pills so he would test for those in his urine so he could atleast get a week into a stable environment.
Things are so bad with him right now because of his dysfunctional family and I just want to save him from the craziness going on but I cant because I am young and still live with my parents and they dont even know about the situation my boyfriend is in because they would totally not approve. Its just very hard to want to help someone and give them a stable place to stay but I cant but I would in a heart beat. I just want him in that rehab so bad and he keeps telling me he really wants to go back and make the most of it because he could rest his head at night knowing he is doing something good for himself. But when he is home, everyone is always yelling and screaming and using drugs and hes stuck because thats his family and he was raised a different way. I feel lost and I want him to break the cycle in his familyof being an addict because I know if someone faced him with an opportunity to either get a decent job and take him away from his home, he would make some much good out of the world and the whole situation in general. Its not healthy for him to be in that environment and it just breaks my heart
Things are so bad with him right now because of his dysfunctional family and I just want to save him from the craziness going on but I cant because I am young and still live with my parents and they dont even know about the situation my boyfriend is in because they would totally not approve. Its just very hard to want to help someone and give them a stable place to stay but I cant but I would in a heart beat. I just want him in that rehab so bad and he keeps telling me he really wants to go back and make the most of it because he could rest his head at night knowing he is doing something good for himself. But when he is home, everyone is always yelling and screaming and using drugs and hes stuck because thats his family and he was raised a different way. I feel lost and I want him to break the cycle in his familyof being an addict because I know if someone faced him with an opportunity to either get a decent job and take him away from his home, he would make some much good out of the world and the whole situation in general. Its not healthy for him to be in that environment and it just breaks my heart
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Originally Posted by frecklyface
well he went into detox for morphine and percocet because basically he knew that the insurance company wasnt going to cover for detox if they knew it was just crack, so his mom gave him some pills so he would test for those in his urine so he could atleast get a week into a stable environment.
Things are so bad with him right now because of his dysfunctional family and I just want to save him from the craziness going on but I cant because I am young and still live with my parents and they dont even know about the situation my boyfriend is in because they would totally not approve. Its just very hard to want to help someone and give them a stable place to stay but I cant but I would in a heart beat. I just want him in that rehab so bad and he keeps telling me he really wants to go back and make the most of it because he could rest his head at night knowing he is doing something good for himself. But when he is home, everyone is always yelling and screaming and using drugs and hes stuck because thats his family and he was raised a different way. I feel lost and I want him to break the cycle in his familyof being an addict because I know if someone faced him with an opportunity to either get a decent job and take him away from his home, he would make some much good out of the world and the whole situation in general. Its not healthy for him to be in that environment and it just breaks my heart
Things are so bad with him right now because of his dysfunctional family and I just want to save him from the craziness going on but I cant because I am young and still live with my parents and they dont even know about the situation my boyfriend is in because they would totally not approve. Its just very hard to want to help someone and give them a stable place to stay but I cant but I would in a heart beat. I just want him in that rehab so bad and he keeps telling me he really wants to go back and make the most of it because he could rest his head at night knowing he is doing something good for himself. But when he is home, everyone is always yelling and screaming and using drugs and hes stuck because thats his family and he was raised a different way. I feel lost and I want him to break the cycle in his familyof being an addict because I know if someone faced him with an opportunity to either get a decent job and take him away from his home, he would make some much good out of the world and the whole situation in general. Its not healthy for him to be in that environment and it just breaks my heart
YOU can't save him only he can You didn't cause it YOU can't control it and YOU can't cure it, if it worked that way NONE of us would be here.
I wish both of you the best.
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
FrecklyFace, I have heard some of the stories my AS told about me and our household and I can tell you, it just isn't true. According to him I am the worst mother that ever existed and abused him every single day. It is not his childhood I remember, but it sure got sympathy from a lot of people who wanted to do anything they could to help him from the monster that is me. He also very deliberately did this to make sure his girlfriends and friends wouldn't get close to me to find out I am actually a decent and loving person.
What I am trying to say is take everything an addict tell you about their home life with a huge pinch of salt. It may not be quite as bad as all that.
He is not your responsibility to save. I am not saying don't give him moral support, but don't make his addiction problem yours. He owns it.
What I am trying to say is take everything an addict tell you about their home life with a huge pinch of salt. It may not be quite as bad as all that.
He is not your responsibility to save. I am not saying don't give him moral support, but don't make his addiction problem yours. He owns it.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by Sunshine2
FrecklyFace, I have heard some of the stories my AS told about me and our household and I can tell you, it just isn't true. According to him I am the worst mother that ever existed and abused him every single day. It is not his childhood I remember, but it sure got sympathy from a lot of people who wanted to do anything they could to help him from the monster that is me. He also very deliberately did this to make sure his girlfriends and friends wouldn't get close to me to find out I am actually a decent and loving person.
What I am trying to say is take everything an addict tell you about their home life with a huge pinch of salt. It may not be quite as bad as all that.
He is not your responsibility to save. I am not saying don't give him moral support, but don't make his addiction problem yours. He owns it.
What I am trying to say is take everything an addict tell you about their home life with a huge pinch of salt. It may not be quite as bad as all that.
He is not your responsibility to save. I am not saying don't give him moral support, but don't make his addiction problem yours. He owns it.
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