wish4sobriety

Hi everyone. I'm Rachel and I'm married to an addict. We have 2 children ages 2 (almost 3 and 7 months) My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for 4. He was an addict before we got together however I was unaware. He OD'ed once a year before we got together and was in a coma for a while. He then went to a place called Teen Challenge. This was when he was maybe 25 or so. He got sober for a while but about 3-4 months after we started living together he started using again. He started with cocaine, then moved to Ecstacy for about a year while adding in crack. Soon he stopped using Ecstacy and only used crack. This went on from 2003 until 2006/7. Then he stopped when I got pregnant. Our daughter was 3 months early and lived in the hospital 4 months before passing away. He was smoking pot while our daughter was sick in the hospital. He didn't stop and smoke pot for the next few years. Got pregnant again and our 2nd daughter was stillborn when I was 8 months pregnant. Then from the time I lost her and got pregnant again with our 3rd child he continued to smoke pot and use Ecstacy (only a couple times). He also would drink beer almost nightly. We had our son in 2010 and he kept smoking pot until I fussed enough about it. He stopped and I was so happy. But he started drinking more, and more and more. I fussed about that and he slacked off but then turned to prescription drugs. He was taking lortab but mostly xanax. He has blacked out and just gets really angry. We now have a 2nd daughter and his drug use has become increasingly worse since about october of last year. I fear one of our kids will pick up a dropped pill or other drug and it will kill them. Recently in March he brought MDA into the house and I took the kids to my dad's and stayed for about a week. I took him to a rehab to get him checked into a program. They suggested an IOP treatment for 4 months. I came back home and he found every excuse NOT to go. He said he wouldn't use anymore. I believed him yet again....silly I know and I even went back to work for the 1st time in 3 years. He was using xanax again and driving our kids around while I was working. Since that happened he has moved out to his parents house and I'm staying in our home raising our kids. He is staying there until he finished a treatment program. This has been a long road. I love him and want us to work be I never really trust him. Our marriage has really taken a blow because of this. I'm thinking of seeking therapy for myself too.

Really not sure what to say other than I'm looking for some support.

TabulaRasa81

I have 2 kiddies as well...And I feel your pain. God, its so hard. Do the therapy for sure, its helping me a lot!My husband came back from program and we had a honeymoon for 2 weeks....then he started regressing....lying, zoning out taking too may T3's...he even thought he could drink casually again, I was like...No Way!?!
He was just faking it because he didn't want to lose me and the kids. He decided to try and manipulate me by saying he was leaving...I let him go...he was living in the car.Not going to meetings, withdrawing half the money from the bank.....and writing pseudo-suicidal goodbye notes to friends and family.

It will only get worse if he stays with you, I know that now.... you can be without him, you will be happy.
Hoping the best for you and me both, Sister