exitstressville

Hello, I have been lurking on here since last year, my adult son is an addict, currently in rehab (again), I found this forum last year when I was searching on the internet for what I should do to help him, I was crying all the time and stressed out. I have made a lot of progress since then, I don't get all stressed out anymore, I finally figured out that I can't fix him, I stopped helping him financially (which was hurting me financially). Thank you to everyone who has posted their experiences, it has been so helpful to me in changing the way I interact with and react to my son.

I have been reading books and watching videos to help me better understand addiction and codependence (I found out about the documentary "Pleasure Unwoven" on this forum, and it really helped my understanding of addiction when I watched it).

Sometimes, information comes to me in unusual ways - this morning, I had the news on TV, and was reading the Sunday paper, and televangelist Joel Osteen's show came on after the news. I'm not a particularly religious person, so this is not a show I watch, but I guess I was too lazy to turn the TV off or change the channel. His sermon was Take Control of Your Happiness, and I wasn't initially paying attention, but the next thing I know, I had stopped reading the paper, because he was talking about codependence, and he was saying things I needed to hear. I found the podcast online, and listened to it from the beginning, and there was a part where he said there may be seasons where we make sacrifices to help a loved one, we can't let a season turn into a lifetime where you are putting your life on hold to help someone else. It dawned on me that I've been in kind of a holding pattern, as though I'm waiting to see how my son's current rehab plays out. I've started to go ahead and do the activities and work on some projects that I've set aside, and even though I've been feeling alright, this afternoon, I was actually pretty happy.

Has anyone else had the proverbial lightbulb go on in a way you never would have guessed it would happen?

atj9699

I have. I took my ADD to NA Saturday night and sat through the meeting with her since she's only 16. The message that night was about healing family members when you can't even help yourself. I'm not an addict but it struck me that I was trying so hard to help and heal her that I'm not doing anything to help and heal myself. The past year has been sheer hell on me and my family and it never seems to end. I'm always on guard, worried and waiting for something to happen again. I've got to try to find a way to start healing myself or I'm sure that I will fall apart sooner rather then later.

Good luck to you and your son!

vicswife

I love Joel Osteen, I find him to be a very uplifting man, I saw him this morning and though it was a different speech it moved me so much I went to the thrift store to see if I could find his book and as if it was meant to be, it was literally right there. He has great things to say.

exitstressville

atj9699 - I hear you - I was always waiting for the next disaster to happen, too. I still worry, but I don't make myself crazy like I used to. It's got to be pretty difficult for you, with your daughter being so young - at least my son is older and has been out of the house for several years. Keep strong, and good luck to you and your family, too!

exitstressville

Until this morning, I never paid any attention to Joel Osteen, but like you said, he has great things to say, so I'm going to take a look at some of his books, I just checked my local library's catalog, and they have several different titles of his.

JMFburns

exitstressville,

Thanks for the heads up about an author, inspirational speaker that I'll make a note to check out. It is always important for me to hear reinforcements of not putting my adult kids lives/happiness in front of my own. I need to be reminded to take care of myself, make my own life my #1 priority.

outtolunch

I am probably the last person on earth who would consider watching Joel Osteen. Yet, like you, the TV was on, while I was reading the Sunday paper and the topic, Taking Control of Your Happiness captured my attention. Did you notice how uncomfortable his words made some of the audience? Taking responsibility for myself is far more challenging than trying to control other people.

It was a terrific sermon. Who knows? I may just tune in, again.