dmadeo

Me and my ex of 3 years just broke up Monday for good due to relapsing.. i'm completely done but I obviously still love and care about him, so I once in awhile check his facebook.. LIKE AN IDIOT.. and today saw a conversation between him and a girl (which just so u know he has NEVER CHEATED on me) him tyring to get her to go over at 5 in the morning... I just feel sooooo sick over it, even though I don't want to be with him I just feel horrible about it.. I've just tried so hard to be there for him and have never hurt him and I cant figure out why he has to treat our relationship like it was NOTHING!!! I just feel disgusted.. like a doormat.. like I mean nothing.. I dunno thanks for listening..

AnvilheadII

and you have verifiable FACT that he never cheated how? I don't say that to be mean, but so often we build them up in our heads to be something they are not. as it is you are now broke up for good. that means that what you do after that and what he does belong to each person respectively and are no longer the other's concern or business.

he did not VALUE you enough. you did nothing wrong. he just wasn't capable of giving you the honor, respect and consideration that you deserve.

dmadeo

I Just Am So Hurt By It Cause Even Though We Broke Up I've Been Worried Sick About Him And I Just Feel So Disrespected. Just Friday Night Hes Begging To Get Back With Me And I Just Dont Get How It Could Be That Easy For Somebody..

Maylie

I'm so sorry for your pain, we have all been left feeling used and not appreciated by an addict. It is so painful to know you put everything into a relationship only to feel as if the person didn't appreciate it or didn't take the relationship as serious as we did. Something to remember though is that an addict is not in touch with reality like we are. You can not treat an addict's response to a breakup the same as someone who is sober. Addicts tend to use to cover up emotions and will act rash like hooking up with random people and appearing to move on fast because emotionally they are not where a sober person is. Instead of feeling upset or dealing with a break up addicts usually downplay what has happened by getting high or acting childish and immediately moving to another person to prevent feeling lonely or upset. I know that hearing that doesn't make it hurt less, but sometimes it is good to be reminded that dealing with an addict is not the same as dealing with someone who is sober.

All that being said, don't torture yourself with keeping up with his facebook and activities. Keeping updated on what he I doing will only end up hurting you more and more. The relationship is over and the best thing you can possibly do for yourself is to go completely no contact and just focus on yourself. You have 3 years of chaos and pain to recover from. Take this time to get yourself emotionally and physically healthy so that you are never put in this position again. You deserve to be happy and for your next relationship to be healthy and fulfilling. Try taking up a new hobby, journaling, counseling, seeing friends, etc. to keep you busy and keep you moving forward.

You will get through this and you will come out a much stronger person for having gone through this.

Wing

Their minds are so twisted. I also just stupidly clicked in and found out he added all these low class girls showing naked butt and pushed boobs... Wtf..

I know how u feel. I'm feeling exactly the same. I'm trying to remind myself not care... But I'm very angry.

EverHopeful721

^^^^^^^THIS. Thank you, Maylie - you're saying all the right things for me today!!

dmadeo

WasI Know I Shouldnt Care What Hes Doing But Im Just So Upset About It. I Feel Like I Cant Concentrate..I Was Driving And Literally Almost Got Into An Accident. Im Not Trying To Feel Sorry For Myself I Just Wish I Could Figure Out How To Get This Feeling Out Of Me..

zoso77

This, unfortunately, doesn't surprise me in the slightest.

Why?

Because sick people do sick things. Wanting some bimbo to come over to his place at 5 AM has nothing to do with mature, responsible love and everything to do with tickling the pleasure center in his brain.

What you've done for him doesn't matter to him at this moment in his life.

Yes, it hurts, and I feel horribly about that. I wish you weren't feeling what you're feeling. But you have an opportunity to make a new start without him, and you can turn a negative into a positive by telling yourself "I'm done with this crap, and I'm gonna be OK." The power of making that simple cognitive shift is not to be underestimated.

I did it. So can you.

Best,
ZoSo

EverHopeful721

"But you have an opportunity to make a new start without him, and you can turn a negative into a positive by telling yourself "I'm done with this crap, and I'm gonna be OK." The power of making that simple cognitive shift is not to be underestimated."

Great advice....thanks, zoso.

dmadeo

I just want him to feel what i'm feeling.. i'm at the point where as horrible as it sounds I want him to hurt how I hurt.. I hate having those feelings because i'm not a person who thinks like this. I'm gonna get through this i'm just happy I have a place to come and talk about it.

zoso77

He can't feel what you feel because he's an addict. All he cares about is satisfying whatever needs he has at any given moment. And towards that end, anyone or anything that gets in his way is something to be used, manipulated, and ultimately discarded. And in that sense, you can't personalize it because his behavior has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

Besides, how does wanting him to feel what you feel help you?

It doesn't. It only makes you feel worse than you already do. And you don't need that right now. Right now, you need hope and positivity, and it's there...if you choose to grab it.

ZoSo

TabulaRasa81

I want him to hurt how I hurt...

He can't...because he has no empathy for anyone, the addiction fried that part of his brain. You care for him....therefore you suffer. He cares only for himself...therefore you suffer. Zo is right about him just feeding his pleasure centre right now, that way he can bypass having to FEEL anything.

dmadeo

The sad part is, I know that he can't feel anything right now, so I'm not sure why I'm letting it get to me so bad. I guess it just doesn't feel good when you care about someone for so long and it ends up like this..

TabulaRasa81

Totally get it...it makes me think to myself was he every really there with me...or was he just playing at being in Love, right? We try so hard...and they never truly get it.
My brain is mashed potatoes too, love!
So I gonna go watch Vikings, and imagine how easy life seems them compared to this...!
I suggest you do something you enjoy also, or at least something as distracting as a sexy Norsemen. xo

zoso77

No, it doesn't feel good when you make an emotional investment in someone that's incapable of reciprocating. And that's what's happened here.

You're going to grieve, and you're going to mourn. There's no avoiding that part of it, and it sucks. But what I (and others here) can promise you is if you do the right things for yourself and take healthy, positive steps, you can move forward while mourning instead of being stuck. All you have to do, believe it or not, is decide that you'll get through this OK...

vicswife

THIS, I need to print this and pin it to my wall.

dmadeo

Zoso- Your really helpful, I appreciate u taking your time out to try and help me. I'll get through it for sure. Thinking about joining kick boxing this week.. help me get out my frustrations ha ha. xoxo

Tabula- Not that i'm happy your going through what I am, but it's nice to know i'm not alone in how i'm feeling. Just helps me to realize that this obviously a pattern when it comes to addicts.. xoxo

zoso77

Go for it...

pianogirl1193

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I had a similar experience... 2 weeks after I broke up with my EXABF, i found out he was already on some dating site, talking to and hanging out with other girls. I saw pics on fB, etc. I bawled I was so upset!!! Didn't know how it was possible for someone to just move on like that (we were together 2 years). I came here for support and it helped so much.. I am so grateful. Everyone on here is right... I just kept reminding myself that it wasn't about me, it was about him. He is an addict... He is sick. Also, I'm sure if he wasn't using/finding these girls, he would be in a lot of pain from the breakup as well. I'm sure he did care about you a lot... But he is covering up all those feelings with his bad coping mechanisms. Do not take it personally!!'

I would really suggest blocking him from your FB. That's what I ended up doing and it helped sooooooo much. Otherwise the temptation to visit his page is constantly there, and it's horrible!! It's so much more peaceful to not be focused on him. He is going to do what he is going to do, regardless. So do what you can to take care of yourself!!!

Hang in there. It will get better, I swear!!!

graciousone

unfortunately, for men drug addict or not. they move on and it's not that they fall in love, so easily, you left him they're lonely the end. Not that u shouldn't have left him if he hurt you so bad. his already talking to other girls has nothing to do with his addiction, and everything to do with being a man. addict or not he would have done the same thing. the fact that he's an addict may make you think you can give him an excuse for his behavior. there are behaviors that are typically addict behavior, but this to me is just bad behavior not necessarily addict behavior.

being in Love with an addict is hard! those of us who love addicts know this. You're broken up he can do what he wants, and so can you! stop looking at his facebook it only hurts, why do that to yourself?