My Partner is on drone...
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1
My Partner is on drone...
My partner recently turned 26 this year and has been using drugs of different variaties since the age of 13/14. Hi relationships with the vast majority of his friends is built on a foundation of drug taking. This is in complete contrast to my childhood and friendships...
while he was out raving with friends high on E i was at home taking my medication for epilepsy, we grew up in two different worlds...
I have been with my partner for just shy of a year but we have been living together since november last year... now many of you maybe thinking why didn't i "get out" while i had the chance, the fact of the matter is i have met the person who i want to spend the rest of my life with, it's just sods law that he happens to have a drug habit.
when we first started dating he thought that because i go to dance festivals and raves that i use too, but the only drug i need is the music. he says he admires me for this. he also did a lot more drugs, he was doing coke at this time, usually about 2 to 3 grams every weekend, or on the night before his days off. he would never talk to me about it and made it into a big dirty thing.
this caused many difficult times in the early stages of our relationship. but i stuck by him. then things got nasty, he became angry at me for being angry with him for spending every weekend on drugs and never spending time with me. we broke up. i went away to see family only to hear from his sister while he was away that he'd overdosed and almost died, he later told me he'd done 4 grams of coke, 2 grams of drone and then smoked a ton of weed to try n get to sleep causing his heart to race, luckily he managed to get to the local walk-in clinic and get help... i honestly feel that was a big wake up call to him,, especially to see the hurt and worry he had caused his family, especially his mum who lost her brother some years back to drug abuse.
we got back together a short while later (stupid you may think) and not long after that we moved in together, several times he has told me he knows he needs to stop and that it can't go on forever, and i know pushing him is the worst thing i can do so i just accept it and try to get on with life, but i can't deny that it eats me up inside seeing him destroy himself, he is open with me about his using now and he does most of it at home, he produces music so he normally just sits at the PC all night/morning and makes a tune while im in bed. he only takes a gram and a half these days and doesn't do coke, but drone. but the years of use are starting to take affect, he has no hairs in his nose anymore so his nose constantly runs all the time, he also has a very small part of one nostral thats warn away. and he gets chest pains from time to time.
i don't know if he is what would be classed as an addict as he has a good job, our flat, doesn't use during the week, doesn't need drugs in the way an addict does, but if he goes out he will get on it, he told me a while ago he feels he only has a year of the partying in him left, but i worry that with this being such a strong part of his relationship with his friends how he will ever actually go sober, becuase it seems he would have to cut ties with pretty much everyone he knows...
i love him dearly and don't want to turn my back on him but there are times when i feel that i come second best... and i being as none of my friends use drugs or have partners who do i feel isolated in my situation...
while he was out raving with friends high on E i was at home taking my medication for epilepsy, we grew up in two different worlds...
I have been with my partner for just shy of a year but we have been living together since november last year... now many of you maybe thinking why didn't i "get out" while i had the chance, the fact of the matter is i have met the person who i want to spend the rest of my life with, it's just sods law that he happens to have a drug habit.
when we first started dating he thought that because i go to dance festivals and raves that i use too, but the only drug i need is the music. he says he admires me for this. he also did a lot more drugs, he was doing coke at this time, usually about 2 to 3 grams every weekend, or on the night before his days off. he would never talk to me about it and made it into a big dirty thing.
this caused many difficult times in the early stages of our relationship. but i stuck by him. then things got nasty, he became angry at me for being angry with him for spending every weekend on drugs and never spending time with me. we broke up. i went away to see family only to hear from his sister while he was away that he'd overdosed and almost died, he later told me he'd done 4 grams of coke, 2 grams of drone and then smoked a ton of weed to try n get to sleep causing his heart to race, luckily he managed to get to the local walk-in clinic and get help... i honestly feel that was a big wake up call to him,, especially to see the hurt and worry he had caused his family, especially his mum who lost her brother some years back to drug abuse.
we got back together a short while later (stupid you may think) and not long after that we moved in together, several times he has told me he knows he needs to stop and that it can't go on forever, and i know pushing him is the worst thing i can do so i just accept it and try to get on with life, but i can't deny that it eats me up inside seeing him destroy himself, he is open with me about his using now and he does most of it at home, he produces music so he normally just sits at the PC all night/morning and makes a tune while im in bed. he only takes a gram and a half these days and doesn't do coke, but drone. but the years of use are starting to take affect, he has no hairs in his nose anymore so his nose constantly runs all the time, he also has a very small part of one nostral thats warn away. and he gets chest pains from time to time.
i don't know if he is what would be classed as an addict as he has a good job, our flat, doesn't use during the week, doesn't need drugs in the way an addict does, but if he goes out he will get on it, he told me a while ago he feels he only has a year of the partying in him left, but i worry that with this being such a strong part of his relationship with his friends how he will ever actually go sober, becuase it seems he would have to cut ties with pretty much everyone he knows...
i love him dearly and don't want to turn my back on him but there are times when i feel that i come second best... and i being as none of my friends use drugs or have partners who do i feel isolated in my situation...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
but i can't deny that it eats me up inside seeing him destroy himself, he is open with me about his using now and he does most of it at home
Watching those we love destroy themselves is painful for all of us, living with active addiction is a terrible place to be. Your statement above indicates he has drugs in the house, I don't know what the laws are where you live but many places in Canada and the US have laws that can bring you trouble just for knowing there are drugs in the home, and some places it could mean losing your home. Sometimes we get so used to addiction we become complacent to the law, but if charged our worlds turn upside down.
Take a read around and you'll find a lot of helpful information here, especially on the sticky posts at the top.
You are among friends here, I hope you find support and courage to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
Hugs
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
Welcome to SR, PooPoo, although I'm sorry for what brings you here. Your BF reminds me a lot of my XA - using since he was a young teenager, his DOC is cocaine and last I knew, he was using every weekend, but most likely it was more often, all of his 'friends' also use/drink and if he were ever to stop, he'd have to cut ties with ALL of them (which I know he'll never do), he's highly functional (has a house, a truck, holds down a job and works almost to the point of being a workaholic, but of course, I now realize it's because cocaine is a very expensive habit, which also explains why, for as much as he works, he's always behind on his bills), we also grew up in two different worlds, so to speak, and I barely drink and don't use drugs. So I really, really feel for you.
As I'm sure you'll learn the more you read on here, addiction is a progressive disease, so while he SAYS he only has a year of partying left in him, chances are, it will not only continue, but will get worse as time goes on. And the fact of the matter is, you can't make him get clean - he has to want it for himself and until he makes that decision (IF he makes that decision), there is nothing you can do to make him stop using. You can't shame him into quitting, nor cry/scream/threaten him into quitting and most importantly, you can't LOVE him into quitting. ALL of us here thought if we just loved our addicts enough, that we could get them to stop and we've ALL found out that it simply is not the case and the longer we stayed in a relationship with an active addict, the more we got hurt.
Please keep reading (especially the stickies at the top of the page and in particular, "What Addicts Do") and posting - reading others' stories may help you decide what you want to do for yourself. Sending hugs.
As I'm sure you'll learn the more you read on here, addiction is a progressive disease, so while he SAYS he only has a year of partying left in him, chances are, it will not only continue, but will get worse as time goes on. And the fact of the matter is, you can't make him get clean - he has to want it for himself and until he makes that decision (IF he makes that decision), there is nothing you can do to make him stop using. You can't shame him into quitting, nor cry/scream/threaten him into quitting and most importantly, you can't LOVE him into quitting. ALL of us here thought if we just loved our addicts enough, that we could get them to stop and we've ALL found out that it simply is not the case and the longer we stayed in a relationship with an active addict, the more we got hurt.
Please keep reading (especially the stickies at the top of the page and in particular, "What Addicts Do") and posting - reading others' stories may help you decide what you want to do for yourself. Sending hugs.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
i love him dearly and don't want to turn my back on him but there are times when i feel that i come second best... and i being as none of my friends use drugs or have partners who do i feel isolated in my situation...
I am a recovering alcoholic and I have been married to an alcoholic/addict.
If you feel second best, that is probably pretty close to the fact.
Getting drunk was more important than any of my significant relationships, and my ex's addiction was more important than me.
He is 26, but having chest pains. He is most likely as mature as a 14 year old, because that is when his addiction started and his emotional growth came to a halt.
It was strange for me to deal with my emotions at 36 years old and 3 children when emotionally I was like a teenager.
he only takes a gram and a half these days and doesn't do coke, but drone.
Is it possible you have become numb to his use? In front of you? In your house?
Please put yourself first.
Beth
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