KKE

My mums not happy, I felt like crying after I spoke to her. She was talking like I already am a single parent. Started telling me how hard it is being pregnant and alone and how hard it is being a single parent and not having the dad around. She said she my cousin and his wife are in their 40's and haven't had kids be use they weren't ready and just because I a. 31 doesn't mean that I am ready for this. She has decided that my partner is not going to be there for me and that is is going to cause him to flip. He was actually really calm and happy when I told him today.

Yes, it's the first time I've ever been pregnant! Feels weird!

Lily1918

oh geeze.... being a single mom is not the end of the world. Not saying you are yet, but just sayin. I do it times 2 and one of them is autistic. Definitely doable. Saying this as a teen mom myself... Its not like you're fresh outta high school ya know? She will come around. Grandmas always do.
hugs.

allforcnm

My parents were upset too KKE. My husband was in active addiction when I found out. It was very scary for my parents to think of me being in that situation. Right now I would chalk a lot of her comments up to shock and fear. Let her have some time for it to sink in, and maybe she will come around in a more supportive way. I know her comments hurt, and worse they hit the most vulnerable thoughts you are probably having right now, but try to think about the feelings behind her words and maybe that will help. My parents were also not very accepting of my husband even when he went into recovery; it all just took time.

Faithlove

Congratulations KKE!

Like Lily said, being a single parent is no walk in the park, but it can be done. I had my first child when I was in college and I still graduated on time and went on to get a doctorate.

I absolutely adore babies and children! They are a lot of hard work and responsibility, but they are soooo worth it!

Sending love to you and your little one!!

broken101

KKE, I know what you are experiencing. When my exbf left me in August last year none of us knew I was pregnant until weeks after I made the decision not to tell him as I knew he will be back. I was 10 weeks when he found out and came back with all these promises wanting to go to concealing whatever I want he promised he would do. Being that I was very high risk I told him lets just keep things slow but with him comes lots of stress on his way to visit me he got arrested thrown in jail his other girl friend at the time was making non stop threats blah blah blah I could go on and on with the drama.

Unfortunately the stress was too much as I miscarried the second week into my second trimester. I wanted nothing more than to be a mom even if it meant being a single mother. But somehow God didn’t see that in my future, now I can look back and say everything does happen for the best and hopefully this will make positive changes in both your life (you and your baby daddy haha)

Just keep praying for the best. I will keep you in my pray (and the lil one too)

KKE

I know this sounds really bad but I keep expecting the worst....... Keep thinking its inevitable I'm going to have a miscarriage. It's like I can't accept that for once something a,ask g is going to happen. Been so used to sh*t. I'm just focussing on getting to that "safety" zone, 12 weeks.

In the meantime, what happens if he relapses? Do I see it as part of recovery or do I now tell him to recover elsewhere? Or should I not be thinking about that? Or should I just have faith?

Faithlove

KKE, I would say for you to try not to let where he is in his recovery dictate your emotional health. Turn your focus from him to you. This is hard for some because it goes against what we've been taught- to help & care for others. But, if you don't, his addiction will make you sick as well.

Your worries in regard to your baby and your A would be best if given over to your Higher Power. "Let go and Let God."

Mountainmanbob

KKE

I would NEVER give my child up for adoption. That thought has never come into my mind and just isn't an option.

Mountainmanbob

bluebelle

You have no control over what he does. You didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it. The most important thing is to take care of you. Your emotional and physical health is very important. Are you seeing someone or going to meetings for help with your partner's addiction? It's up to you what you do if he relapses. The most important thing is for you to work a program of recovery for yourself. You can't work his recovery, but you can work the recovery that you want him to work. You can take care of yourself. You can make your life better.

In terms of being a single parent, of course that is possible. There are lots of single parents. It's certainly better than raising a child in a home with addiction. I don't know if you have a job, or if you are in school. It is important to focus on the life that you want to have for yourself and for your child. Focus on a backup plan that includes how you would do this as a single parent. I know your mum isn't happy, but can she help with babysitting? A support system for yourself is very important.

KKE

I've got a really good job and would get decent maternity pay etc so I'm lucky not to be I a position where I have to worry too much about money. I'd have to budget and cut back but who doesn't when they have kids? I'm also lucky in that I've got amazing friends and family. Actually, think I've just answered my own question.......!

I did go to Alanon but need to start going again really.

At the moment things are good because he's clean and sober and going to AA. I am just worried about the future and what could happen. I suppose I should just cross that one when and if I get there.

Maylie

KKE congrats on your pregnancy!

All you can do is take care of yourself and now your unborn child. The future is always going to be unknown, and the longer we dwell on it and think about what could happen..the more our lives start to pass us by. Stay in today and enjoy the small things that are right in front of you. The future is always going to be scary, and sure a million things can go wrong, but on the other hand..a million things can go right also! I have found that when I always brace myself for the worst I forget to live in today and miss out on so many great opportunities. Also, no matter how much you "prepare for the worst", when the time comes, no one is ever prepared anyway.

Get as healthy as you can physically and mentally and get your head in the right spot for becoming a new mother. Although you don't want to get let down, it is still important to be positive and appreciate the things you have in your life. As of right now you are healthy, your A is in recovery and going to meetings, you have a stable job, money is not a huge obstacle, and you have a large support system. Most people can't say that they have all of those things and it is something to be happy about.

As for your mom's reaction, she is prob. just scared. I'm sure she will come around. It all comes down to how you handle things, you set the tone for how people react to you and if you are confident, positive, and appreciative then others won't worry about what your future will hold. If you give off the impression that the future is uncertain and that your A will leave then others will pick up on that. Confidence radiates off of people and you deserve to enjoy the little things in life and to enjoy your pregnancy!

No matter what, keep moving forward and know that you are not alone!

KKE

Thank you, your post has really made me think and has helped a lot.

KKE

I've just had the biggest argument ever with my mum. In a nutshell she's not happy and I could hear the shame in her voice when she said that she wouldn't be telling our family as I'm not married to my partner and he's not stable. She told me that we would have to get all of my family together so I can tell them as she can't bare the thought of doing it. She said I'm the first person in our family to have children unmarried. My family are of Indian origin so culturally it's not the done thing.

I have cried most of this evening. Just feel so rubbish. Also, thinking, well why won't he marry me? Why hasn't he asked? Just feel sh*t and insecure.

Mountainmanbob

KKE

Just an update. Mum and I have sorted things out and she is being amazing now. My partner is still sober so as it all stands everything is pretty perfect :-) for now at least!

allforcnm

That is wonderful news. If your mum is anything like mine... she is going to really get into the new baby thing... It has been an amazing experience to share with my mom. Keep us posted, sending all good thoughts your way !

KKE

Thank you :-)

It's not often we get to say we are really happy so I'm going to try my best to enjoy it and believe it while I've got it!