Lily1918

thanks anvil. Im really trying here... its tough

kelleyt

Love this lily !! It helped me tonight good stuff ...xoxo

cynical one

No where in the definition does it say anything about leaving a grown ass fully capable adult.

Abandon

verb (used with object)
1. to leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert: to abandon one's farm; to abandon a child; to abandon a sinking ship.

2. to give up; discontinue; withdraw from: to abandon a research project; to abandon hopes for a stage career.

3. to give up the control of: to abandon a city to an enemy army.

4. to yield (oneself) without restraint or moderation; give (oneself) over to natural impulses, usually without self-control: to abandon oneself to grief.

5. Law. to cast away, leave, or desert, as property or a child.

Lily1918

so according to this definition.

I abandoned myself at the height of my codependency.
I abandoned my talent when I stopped playing violin for awhile there
I abandoned HIS recovery by completely quitting asking questions about his steps, sponsors, principles etc.
I abandoned my HP by taking my will back upon myself instead of letting him lead.

good thing my HP will never leave me.

choner11

Lily1918, you just said everything ive been trying to say for the last two weeks. Thank you for turning my thoughts into words, because apparently i was incapable of expressing them

neferkamichael

Hey Lily, I am so sorry you are going through this, and please don't let this drive you crazy.

Lily1918

So I broke down and texted him back ....

A picture of a duck! bwahahahahaha!!!

He sent me this face -_-

I about died laughing!

He called ( for the umpteenth time) and I finally answered.

we did have a serious conversation. He tried gaslighting a little bit, but I deflected and said
" you know, both my sponsor and I feel that I am justified in my suspicions because of the simple fact that I found foil and a straw in your nightstand. Sure, there was no Black on it. But the fact remains. I mean come on boo, you knew I didn't bring my Bible. You kept it in the Bible drawer and you KNOW I'm a Jesus freak and a bookworm on top of that. Next time put it in your church shoes or something. Geeze I thought you were the master manipulator and had more street smarts than that. Even I would know to hide my weed if I relapsed in my tampon box. Its not my fault that God means what he says. I was cleaning up my stuff, felt weird, reached out to Him though the Word and BAM He showed me the truth. Literally. Don't you even remember Les Miserables!?!?!? I quoted Jean Valjean. ok... Nerd Alert! I sang it
" you will learn
Truth is given by god
To us all
In our time
In our turn"

Utter silence. I thought he hung up on me. Then he said "there's nothing I can say to that. I can only show in the future."

No duh bozo. I mean... seriously...

And so I'm going to bed smiling. Not to sound condescending or spiteful, but I actually silenced his quacking!

I think I'm going to change his name in my phone and profile picture before bed... the question is, should I choose Daffy or Donald? I vote Daffy. Cuz trying to outwit him leaves me feeling like Elmer Fud. Derrrr which way did he go george? Which way did he go???
Hugs everyone. thanks for helping me get through the tough day.

laurie6781

this is the only untruth in your list. you did NOT abandon him, you GAVE him the DIGNITY to decide his life for himself.

(((((Lily))))) it really makes my heart smile and keep smiling the way you are 'working' through your own issues. Your digging into yourself and seeing what you can do for you, and how you can change your own attitudes!

WOW!!!!!

You just keep trudgin girl!!! You are getting further and further ahead of those damn alligators! lol

Love and hugs,