Wife on coke
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Wife on coke
So posted my story in the intro section the other day. Basically this weekend I caught my wife high on coke, got her to admit it. She minimized the problem, said it wasn't a big deal, she could stop any time, wasn't using frequently and only for a few months etc... I've been absolutely furious since. Today I kind of got over the anger and tried talking some more about it and it turns out tonight she was having serious withdrawals, I said its only been a few days, how can it be this bad, I thought u didn't use very often. She admits she's been using every 2 days on average for the last year. I didn't get visably ticked off, but now I'm fumming again that it is this bad for this long secretly. I'm trying to be supporting and understanding but I am so ticked off.
She said she would stop using, but with the frequency and amount for so long, I know it's just a matter of time before she does...
Not really sure what to expect next.
She said she would stop using, but with the frequency and amount for so long, I know it's just a matter of time before she does...
Not really sure what to expect next.
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Ugh. That is such a bummer to find out about the using and then the lies about using. Grrrr.
Glad you're here.
As far as what to expect...it sounds like you can expect her to keep using unless she suddenly realizes her problem and goes into recovery to get help.
You can also probably count on her continuing to lie. Sucks I know.
Meanwhile, i suggest checking out al anon meetings near you ( or nar anon) because they are for the loved ones of addicts.
We who have been affected by the addiction of others need to help ourselves...big time.
Read the stickies at the top of the forum too -- very helpful stuff.
Keep reading and posting. And welcome to SR. You're not alone.
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Glad you're here.
As far as what to expect...it sounds like you can expect her to keep using unless she suddenly realizes her problem and goes into recovery to get help.
You can also probably count on her continuing to lie. Sucks I know.
Meanwhile, i suggest checking out al anon meetings near you ( or nar anon) because they are for the loved ones of addicts.
We who have been affected by the addiction of others need to help ourselves...big time.
Read the stickies at the top of the forum too -- very helpful stuff.
Keep reading and posting. And welcome to SR. You're not alone.
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
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Aonn, I became addicted the first time I snorted a line and it last 32 years. It is an extremely powerful drug. I hope it turns out good for her and your marriage, but never give her any money, do not let her drive your car, and hide all your valuable possessions. Expect the worse. 
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She didn't feel good all day, wouldn't eat at dinner. The said she was tired and had a headache so we went and layed down in bed where it was dark and she began to completely tweak out. I could tell she was jonsin so I said something and she broke down crying. She said she was sorry for doing this and making me feel this way.
She also has said she is not addicted and can stop, but I know that is complete BS. I want to believe it and I know she will try, but I don't really know how far that is going to go.
She also has said she is not addicted and can stop, but I know that is complete BS. I want to believe it and I know she will try, but I don't really know how far that is going to go.
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Originally Posted by neferkamichael 
Aonn, I became addicted the first time I snorted a line and it last 32 years. It is an extremely powerful drug. I hope it turns out good for her and your marriage, but never give her any money, do not let her drive your car, and hide all your valuable possessions. Expect the worse.
She makes her money in cash, so that why buying was so easily concealed. She has a car of her own. I asked her if I had to start locking up all my stuff and she said no, nothing has gone missing yet and I've never had any reason what so ever to distrust her before. She still helps pays the bills and all that. I'm trying to stay optimistic, but like you said I am expecting it to get worse before it gets better. It's just complete shock and unforeseen. Nothing was out of place until this weekend she got in too deep and slipped up.
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Is she going to seek out any kind of help or just try to white knuckle it?
Cocaine is a very psychologically addicting drug. Often times, because crack is cheaper...it's becomes the next DOC. (Drug of choice).
I hope she seeks out help. But more importantly, I hope you do as well. Joining here is a great start.
Cocaine is a very psychologically addicting drug. Often times, because crack is cheaper...it's becomes the next DOC. (Drug of choice).
I hope she seeks out help. But more importantly, I hope you do as well. Joining here is a great start.
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I suggested it, she said no way no how. So I guess white knuckle is the way it's gonna be.
Thanks for your responses here. I'm not really sure what I am looking for here, but it feels good to talk about it.
Thanks for your responses here. I'm not really sure what I am looking for here, but it feels good to talk about it.
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Anonn, I just read my post again and isn't it just ugly, to have to treat your wife that way because she's using cocaine. There's really nothing else you can do though. I had an old toyota beater, it was my back up car and I traded it for a gram of coke one time. Bad decision, because not long after that the deisel engine in my Mercedes seized up. Ran out of oil. I had meant to check that oil for a couple of years, duhh. If she hasn't been using for a long time she might not have any problems quiting. Try to talk her into going to counselling. There was a women who hung out in the same circles as I did who was addicted to cocaine. She was a nurse, made $40.00 an hour, had it made. In a very short period of time she lost her home, marriage, job, everything and became a crack ho. Thats just how dangerous cocaine is. I'm praying for her Anonn.
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I just kicked my husband out on fri because he was planning on only using his will power to address his addiction too.
I decided I was not going to sit around waiting for him to use again -- as he has repeatedly done in the past while only using will power.
He is now going to regular aa meetings and has a sponsor to help take him through the steps.
Without recovery and support of some kind, addicts do not usually make it on their own for very long without using again.
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I decided I was not going to sit around waiting for him to use again -- as he has repeatedly done in the past while only using will power.
He is now going to regular aa meetings and has a sponsor to help take him through the steps.
Without recovery and support of some kind, addicts do not usually make it on their own for very long without using again.
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
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Originally Posted by neferkamichael
There was a women who hung out in the same circles as I did who was addicted to cocaine. She was a nurse, made $40.00 an hour, had it made. In a very short period of time she lost her home, marriage, job, everything and became a crack ho. Thats just how dangerous cocaine is. I'm praying for her Anonn.
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Addiction does not discriminate!! You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure.
Untreated addiction ends are always the same - jail, institutions or death. She is most likely in for the fight of her life, the hours she works should be the least of her and your concerns! Anything an addict puts before their recovery, they will usually lose eventually anyway. Addiction is a progressive disease.
You can't make her stop. She has to really want and need to. Addiction defies logic.
Untreated addiction ends are always the same - jail, institutions or death. She is most likely in for the fight of her life, the hours she works should be the least of her and your concerns! Anything an addict puts before their recovery, they will usually lose eventually anyway. Addiction is a progressive disease.
You can't make her stop. She has to really want and need to. Addiction defies logic.
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
Addiction does not discriminate!! You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure.
Untreated addiction ends are always the same - jail, institutions or death. She is most likely in for the fight of her life, the hours she works should be the least of her and your concerns! Anything an addict puts before their recovery, they will usually lose eventually anyway. Addiction is a progressive disease.
You can't make her stop. She has to really want and need to. Addiction defies logic.
Untreated addiction ends are always the same - jail, institutions or death. She is most likely in for the fight of her life, the hours she works should be the least of her and your concerns! Anything an addict puts before their recovery, they will usually lose eventually anyway. Addiction is a progressive disease.
You can't make her stop. She has to really want and need to. Addiction defies logic.
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Anonn, like many here, my husband was highly functional, made a good income, was loving, honest, and a great man.
I knew he was taking a pain pill prescription. I even knew he was not taking it as prescribed. What I didn't know was - that he was already addicted, his brain was hijacked and it would progress. I didn't know I could not save him.
We had several heart to heart talks, some very emotional, and he promised to stop. I believed him. Fast forward a year later, I barely knew this man. His addiction had progressed, he was now looking me in the eyes lying to me, money was misused to feed his addiction, he was angry and very selfish.
He was protecting his addiction at all costs. It wasn't until I got serious, starting working in me, saw an attorney that he was willing to seek help. Even then, it was only to appease me and probably not even sincere, IMO.
If we could love, reason, or threaten our addicted loved ones clean....none of would be here. We are no match for it, it's just that cunning, baffling and powerful.
Have you read anything about codependency? Can you identify with an of the characteristics and behaviors? If so, the only thing you can do at this point...is start working on you.
I knew he was taking a pain pill prescription. I even knew he was not taking it as prescribed. What I didn't know was - that he was already addicted, his brain was hijacked and it would progress. I didn't know I could not save him.
We had several heart to heart talks, some very emotional, and he promised to stop. I believed him. Fast forward a year later, I barely knew this man. His addiction had progressed, he was now looking me in the eyes lying to me, money was misused to feed his addiction, he was angry and very selfish.
He was protecting his addiction at all costs. It wasn't until I got serious, starting working in me, saw an attorney that he was willing to seek help. Even then, it was only to appease me and probably not even sincere, IMO.
If we could love, reason, or threaten our addicted loved ones clean....none of would be here. We are no match for it, it's just that cunning, baffling and powerful.
Have you read anything about codependency? Can you identify with an of the characteristics and behaviors? If so, the only thing you can do at this point...is start working on you.
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I read a thread or two on codependency, I didn't really get it or what it was.
I hate to sound like "that guy", but I believe we can work through it, she's a tough cookie.
I think today her attitude changed a bit. Before she didn't realize how deep she was already. She keeps saying she's afraid I'll walk out. She knows I won't stand for continued use and she knows its not good to be doing. She told her supplier today not to let her buy any more, lol right. I know it's going to be more powerful than her will....time will tell.
I hate to sound like "that guy", but I believe we can work through it, she's a tough cookie.
I think today her attitude changed a bit. Before she didn't realize how deep she was already. She keeps saying she's afraid I'll walk out. She knows I won't stand for continued use and she knows its not good to be doing. She told her supplier today not to let her buy any more, lol right. I know it's going to be more powerful than her will....time will tell.
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Originally Posted by Anonn
I read a thread or two on codependency, I didn't really get it or what it was.
I hate to sound like "that guy", but I believe we can work through it, she's a tough cookie.
I think today her attitude changed a bit. Before she didn't realize how deep she was already. She keeps saying she's afraid I'll walk out. She knows I won't stand for continued use and she knows its not good to be doing. She told her supplier today not to let her buy any more, lol right.
I hate to sound like "that guy", but I believe we can work through it, she's a tough cookie.
I think today her attitude changed a bit. Before she didn't realize how deep she was already. She keeps saying she's afraid I'll walk out. She knows I won't stand for continued use and she knows its not good to be doing. She told her supplier today not to let her buy any more, lol right.
There are stickies on the top of the page that can help educate you on both subjects. I hope you keep reading and posting. I pray you and your wife beat the odds and statistics.
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My husband became addicted to prescription pain meds. He too was highly functional, was able to maintain his career, had not got to the point of spending more than he could afford, never had any legal issues, etc. We were separated during most of his active addiction because his behavior was something I couldn’t live with; his staying out half the night, etc. When all of this started for us, I knew nothing about drugs or addiction, and assumed he would get bored with it after a while and stop. I expected a couple of months at the most, but instead he started experimenting with additional drugs and ended up dependent on Xanax, and had a good run on cocaine. It went on a year, and Ive learned he was lucky to get out that quickly. From what he has told me, his most regrettable behavior happened while on cocaine. It is one powerful drug, especially due to the emotional aspects of it.
I think one of the most helpful things to realize is that if she doesn’t stop sooner rather than later, most likely her use will progress, and she wont be able to keep up her schedule. Her health will begin to deteriorate, relationships, possible problems at work, or legal issues. It doesn’t lead to anything good in the end. And what if you decide to have a family ?
Some people are able to stop on their own, but many do need additional help. My husband tells me that he tried to stop several times on his own, but would slip back. He finally came home and asked for help, and we (myself and my parents) got him into detox, and an inpatient rehab. His rehab however was non 12 step, and based on private therapy. I will always suggest private therapy/counseling because I think it has the best chance of meeting the individual needs of the person.
I wanted to share some information with you that might be of assistance. The National Institute of Drug Abuse partnered with HBO on project called Addiction. The links Im sharing are based on guidelines and recommendations by NIDA for families, and those struggling with addiction.
HBO: Addiction: Understanding Addiction: Addiction and the Brain's Pleasure Pathway: Beyond Willpower
HBO: Addiction: Treatment: Scientifically Proven Addiction Treatments: NIDA Principles of Effective Treatment
HBO: Addiction: Treatment: Getting Someone into Treatment
This last link shares information on the CRAFT family approach to helping a loved one. The book they recommend, Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening by Robert J. Meyers and Brenda L. Wolfe was recommended to me by the therapist I worked with through my husband’s rehab center. Ive found it helpful, and have even used some of the techniques in workplace situations. The CRAFT method is also supported by family who participate in Smart recovery Self Help Substance Abuse & Addiction Recovery | SMART Recovery®
Battling addiction has been the biggest challenge of my marriage, but this month my husband will have a year clean. Im really glad I stood by his side, but its not always been easy. I agree with what everyone else has said here, she is in for a huge fight, and it could get messy for you also. Make sure you take care of yourself, and look to balancing your needs along with your efforts to support her.
Originally Posted by Anonn
That is the scary part. We are both good people, we work decent jobs that help people. She has multiple degrees and is a very hard worker. It's never effected her work, in fact she says it is what kept her going working like crazy. We both work 60-80 hour weeks. So what now, she gets off it and is not going to be able to work as much (or choose not to) and it's gonna be my fault for asking her to stop using?
Some people are able to stop on their own, but many do need additional help. My husband tells me that he tried to stop several times on his own, but would slip back. He finally came home and asked for help, and we (myself and my parents) got him into detox, and an inpatient rehab. His rehab however was non 12 step, and based on private therapy. I will always suggest private therapy/counseling because I think it has the best chance of meeting the individual needs of the person.
I wanted to share some information with you that might be of assistance. The National Institute of Drug Abuse partnered with HBO on project called Addiction. The links Im sharing are based on guidelines and recommendations by NIDA for families, and those struggling with addiction.
HBO: Addiction: Understanding Addiction: Addiction and the Brain's Pleasure Pathway: Beyond Willpower
HBO: Addiction: Treatment: Scientifically Proven Addiction Treatments: NIDA Principles of Effective Treatment
HBO: Addiction: Treatment: Getting Someone into Treatment
This last link shares information on the CRAFT family approach to helping a loved one. The book they recommend, Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening by Robert J. Meyers and Brenda L. Wolfe was recommended to me by the therapist I worked with through my husband’s rehab center. Ive found it helpful, and have even used some of the techniques in workplace situations. The CRAFT method is also supported by family who participate in Smart recovery Self Help Substance Abuse & Addiction Recovery | SMART Recovery®
Battling addiction has been the biggest challenge of my marriage, but this month my husband will have a year clean. Im really glad I stood by his side, but its not always been easy. I agree with what everyone else has said here, she is in for a huge fight, and it could get messy for you also. Make sure you take care of yourself, and look to balancing your needs along with your efforts to support her.
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Originally Posted by zoso77
Really? What's your gut tell you, Anonn?
Now I have a question. I was thinking about this yesterday. Both she and I are moderate drinkers, we always have been, and it's never been a problem. We enjoy going out to a bar on a Friday night, having a few, it's our relax and actually talk to each other face to face time. Now is this something I should be avoiding? Knowing of her problem, does being around alcohol make her want to regress into her digressions? Is it bad for me to to drink when I have asked her to stop using? I kinda feel like a hypocrite. Also is it ok for her to drink? She came home today and had one drink, that's it, nothing more, and usually I wouldn't even bat an eye at it, but I have to admit it made me a bit uncomfortable. So I'm just curious, what your experiences are in this kind of situation, should we be staying away from alcohol now too? Or is it just different for everybody?
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