alaunis

Hello all,

I wanted to join this site because I have been having issues with my boyfriend of almost a year. When we had first met, the topic of drugs came up and he voluntarily told me that he used to smoke a lot of weed. I asked him if he was truly over that and he said he was. He said he had no interest in it and that he would never do it again, especially since he had met me. I don't think weed is horribly bad nor do I condemn people who smoke it, yet I hate it when those I care about do. The lying about doing drugs started with my sister and now him.

I took him at his word because I guess I'm just a sorry sap who has unlimited trust in people. Well not anymore. He told me on the phone last night (we have a long distance relationship whenever I'm attending college) that he has smoked weed this last weekend. After a long silence he said he had done it twice before, the first being a little over a month ago.

So he's been lying to me for over a month by not telling me that he was doing this. And he lied when he said he was done. This has hurt me so much yet I have fallen completely in love with him over the time I've gotten to know him. I don't want to let go yet this has put a divide in our relationship that I don't think will ever be fixed. Should I leave him or give him one more chance? Thanks everyone and sorry about the long post.

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR....I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

Tolerance is an individual matter. I certainly can't advise you. Whatever you choose to do, take care of you first and other things will fall into place.

gentle hugs
ke

Ann

You really cannot change him, we've all tried to stop our loved ones from destroying themselves, but in the end the only person who can do that is the addict himself. It doesn't sound like this young man is even close to being ready, instead just secretive about it.

So what you need to think about is how you see a future with him, or if you see a future with him continuing to smoke pot.

The decision is entirely yours, but maybe picture what you would like your life to be in 2 years, 5 years, 10? And then decide is an active pot smoker fits into your dreams.

I'm sorry for your pain about this, and for the deception, and hope you can fine peace with whatever you decide.

Hugs

Vale

Let me add another welcome.

I hope you find this resource as invaluable
as so many of us have.

shockozulu

Welcome and while I'm sorry for what brings you here I'm glad you found us.

walker328

Welcome - I'm new here too. I can't comment on your situation since I live in a state where pot is legal and I don't have a problem with it (unless it is causing serious negative consequences). However, I do realize lying and causing another person pain can be considered negative consequences...

I do hope things work out positively for you.

neferkamichael

Alaunis, pin him down and find out if he is using other drugs too. Since you love him, give him one more chance, and if he screws up dump him.

pianogirl1193

Personally I would give him another chance because I am not against casual smoking (weed I mean). I even like to smoke, only occassionally though so its not an issue for me. My EXBF was addicted to weed, and if you think he's really addicted that's a whole other issue. I interpreted your post thinking that he was a casual user, but you did say he used to smoke heavily so i dont know. But, if a pot smoker is not what you want in a BF then maybe you should move on. It all comes down to what you will and won't accept in your relationship. Set boundaries and follow through with what you say. Nobody can really tell you what to do... But that's just my 2 cents! I didn't really give you any solid answer, haha sorry. I hope things work out though!