kelleyt

I have posted before I'm married to a heroin opitate addict I separted from him 2 years ago he was using lost his job .. And he went to rehab was clean almost 6 months .. I have been clean and sober for almost 14 teen years .. I know how it is with the addiction so I always feel bad for him cause I know he is just doing what addicts do and not to take it personal but I do it hurts I know I'm codepent and I hate it I do go to alnon once a week . I always go to my other meetings. My husband relapsed again went back to rehab for like the 15 time and now is in a sober house !! He treats me like **** still lies never there for me emotionally financially he ruined me my kids are not his but he is the only father my daughter knows !! I think
Also he used the other night he said I'm crazy all I want to do is fight but in my gut I know the truth it's my thoughts that drive me crazy I'm not good enough he never loved me or my kids he used me its crazy and I know those thoughts don't come from god but I feel like I have lost myself like I'm
Addicted to the insanity I know in my head I should not even talk to him cause all we do is fight he just doesn't get it !! But I do love him but I know this has to stop he won't change so I have to .. I'm so full of fear that I hate getting up
In the morning .. Just need support I know I should change my number or just stop
Talking to him but I don't cause if I do I think he will hate me. It crazy cause I should not care what he thinks after what he has done to me and my kids !! Any ideas ?? Thanks for listening

BeavsDad

Got to move on.

shinebright7

You say you're addicted to the insanity in your head...

This could be the next addiction you need to drop -- just like you did with the other substance(s) 14 years ago when you got sober.

Now you can go for emotional sobriety, eh?

Peace. Love. Serenity. Acceptance. Understanding.

What other good stuff is staying connected to your addict preventing you from experiencing?

I am a codependent in recovery with Al Anon too -- I need it! And along the way I've been disgusted with myself for all the ways I've have sacrificed my happiness and joy and peace because of my sick thinking. But I've had to move through that and keep going toward the LIGHT! Toward the HEALING.

We all deserve to be happy. See if you can find the thread I posted yesterday called "We have the right..." it a page I typed out from One Day At A Time about our right to a decent life.

You deserve it too, dear.

(Edit: Found the thread about our right to a decent life and will try to paste here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ave-right.html)

kelleyt

Thanks I did read it !! I love my husband and I see what he could be !! And what he was the first 2 years of marraige ..That person is gone on a lot of days .. I'm trying not to call him or worry what he is doing or not doing I know it will all come out sooner or later .. I do someday make my self sick like why do I love him still after all he has done to me part of me knows I deseve better but I guess I don't want to be alone but in realty I'm alone thank you

AnvilheadII

Addicted to the insanity I know in my head I should not even talk to him cause all we do is fight he just doesn't get it !!

HE just doesn't get what? cuz it sounds like maybe you aren't "getting" it? aren't accepting the REALITY of the situation, and instead are hanging on to some hopeful fantasy? that mindset won't serve you well, nor your kids.

think you need to call him so YOU'LL feel better? look at them, see what THEY need first. can't get him off your mind? pull up your credit score or whatever other financial asset he destroyed. think maybe he's gonna change? write a list of all the rehab centers he's been to, the dates and the estimated cost.

or better yet, get a divorce and be done with the madness. it serves you no GOOD or HEALTHY purpose.

kelleyt

I do get it !! But I'm struggle with it cause it hurts that's what I mean !! So thanks

Ann

Kelley, it may hurt to leave but it will hurt more to stay, as long as he is active in his addiction and it's doesn't sound like he's going to get clean any time soon.

You are worth so much more than this, so are your kids.

Hope you can find some courage and clarity.

Hugs

kelleyt

Thanks Ann !! I'm going to go no contact so I can clear my head and whatever happens happens either way I will no !!

AnvilheadII

But I'm struggle with it cause it hurts that's what I mean

the only way out is through....avoiding pain actually brings MORE pain. no contact is an excellent idea!!

Vale

================================================== =====
it is kind of the mirror image of what the addict does,isn't it?
(avoiding pain brings more pain)

That's codependency.It hurts.Face it.
(You'll feel better.....not worse...later)