walker328

I am not sure about this. My XABF used coke every 3 weeks it seemed, always when out partying and drinking with friends. He said drinking was a definite trigger. It's like he knew what night or what event when he'd be using. He works 2nd shift, so I only saw him on weekends and since we were together from Saturday afternoon (he works til 4 on Saturdays) until Monday morning - I knew when he used. (and I knew when to not be around). His hours are from 2pm til 1am. Such long hours to do the labor intensive work he does... I have wondered how he did it (fueler/oiler/mechanic on big machinery at a mining site) Plus he smokes 2 packs a day and has forever. *sigh*

But most addicts use a lot more don't they? Every 3 weeks is still too much to me but it could have been worse, and since he's been an addict for 30 years (longest he stopped in that time is 6 months) I'm sure it has been worse - he said he's scaled back his use considerably recently and that he's just about got it out of his system (bullsh!t). Coke is evidently so addictive - I can't help but wonder how he could go 3 weeks at a time without using. Even still - after so many years of use - his mind has got to be affected?

Thanks for any input.
Still trying to wrap my head around all this.

Ann

I think it's good this person is your ex. it sounds like he won't be quitting any time soon.

It doesn't matter how much or how often or where they use, they use and that can kill them, get them arrested or, in the case of your ex who works on machinery while using...may kill someone else.

Grab some fresh air and be glad this is part of your past. Living with active addiction can knock the life right out of you.

Hugs

Kindeyes

Your XBF been using for 30 years....if his use has impacted relationships, finances, work, behavior, or caused any legal issues in those 30 years and he still continues to use.......he's got some kind of problem.

gentle hugs
ke

shinebright7

My husband has used drugs on and off for more than half of his life. He goes periods without using, but like KindEyes said, it has affected his relationships and he got a felony DUI several years ago -- and he still does drugs and drinks in these cycles sometimes. There's definitely a problem there.

I recently told my husband he can't live here anymore because I"m not willing to live with untreated addiction. He is in a hotel and has started going to AA meetings regularly and got a sponsor who is taking him through the steps now.

Not sure what's going to happen with him, but I for one am really grateful to be in my own space again and not surrounded with the untreated addiction energy and thinking.

Like the others, I'm glad this guy you're talking about is your ex too. Not that we all have to break up with our addicts, but if they are not willing to stop and show no signs of seeking recovery, then it's something we seriously need to consider in terms of whether we stay or not.

I'm more than willing to keep working on myself and go in the direction of a happy, healthy life with my husband if he wants to be a happy, healthy person also. Time will tell. And if he doesn't find that, I know I will be okay without him too. Just as you are okay with your ex too.

walker328

Sadly, I doubt he's willing to accept everything recovery would entail. His oldest childhood friend is his dealer, and he won't give up drinking. And the fact that he risks his job by doing drugs when there could be a random drug test anytime says a lot. He normally is good about not smoking pot since it stays in your system for weeks, but as of last week he started smoking again. He just doesn't care. "If they want to fire me over a little weed, then fine. I'll find another job." There's no talking sense into him. Also last week he cancelled the appointment I made for him with a CAC (that he had agreed to when he said he was ready to get clean), and made it very clear that he didn't care if I left him. He sabotaged us. He seems to have just given up on everything.

shockozulu

It doesn't matter to me how much she used or how often, or even what she used. What mattered to me is her behavior. I didn't want to be around that any longer.

EverHopeful721

Very good point, shockozulu. Thanks for posting this.

Hanna

I don't think it matters, either. First, I doubt we can ever be sure how much someone is using. Second, it's absolutely a progressive disease. I know for example, someone that only smoked pot for years, but I believe now he's moved on to bigger and better intoxicants. As a matter of fact, if what I've heard is true there is nothing he won't try these days. That really shocked me back when I was more naive.

If you set boundaries for yourself now and stick to them, you can avoid a great deal of the difficulty that comes down the pike with addiction.