Evey

Havent had contact with my XABF since friday until last night he decides to text me telling me hes off work and going to bed and that he hopes im OK....

I decide to not text back at alll.....the less contact the better....about 2 hours after he texted me he posts a picture of himself smashed at a bar with his "new" friends...on facebook....( HE NEVER USES FACEBOOK BY THE WAY ) i know hes trying to get my attention since i never texted him back...he thought i would just "jump" since ive been so pathetic this last week.

manipulative liar. starting to wonder if he EVER loved me. he used me for everything cause im naive. UGH. i never deserved any of this. I never did anything to him but try to lovve him and show him a better way of life.....he broke up with me cuz he didnt want to hurt me anymore but he still is! I DONT GET THIS.

EverHopeful721

EXACTLY, Evey. You stated it perfectly! You never deserved any of it. All you tried to do was love him and show him a better way of life. And HE'S the one who walked away from that, not YOU. Hang in there and try not to give him the reaction he wants - you're doing great!

Hanna

Yes, definitely think he is trying to get your attention now. Sounds like you are already feeling the positive effects of taking a little control over your side, in the form of being able to see things more clearly and not reacting to every message he sends.

Facebook, ugh. Block him if you want to regain a little sanity and more control.

Instead of asking yourself if he ever loved you, ask yourself if his way of loving is good enough for you. It's not about how he feels inside, it's about what you want and deserve for yourself. Is he even capable of that?

I tried loving people to make them better. Today I feel like it wasn't a very nice thing I was doing. I would be livid if someone thought they were in charge of fixing me. That means they think they are better than me. I definitely thought I was better than the guys I tried to fix. In retrospect I think it was pity I was feeling, not love. The worst part is that everyone thought I was martyr and a saint, and that the guys were rats. Neither was true at all, and if anything I was equally wrong in my behavior, perhaps worse.

tjp613

No, he broke up with you because he wanted to continue using drugs and you were getting in the way of that. In his little fantasy world, you would be OK with his using because your "pain" from breaking up is unbearable and you'd tolerate his drug use just to be near him. Oh, yes... he'd be very happy if he could have you, your support (financial AND emotional), AND his drugs too! Even better is if you would pay for his drugs (and/or his rent, car, groceries, cigarettes...)

But you're not playing that game.....so he's baiting you.

It's ALL ABOUT HIM. It always was.

Evey

SO TRUE. So over all of this even though it still hurts.....hes FOR SURE back on the H.......my whole relationship of 1 year has been lies.....i believed i loved him but he never loved me....its all clear now.....his love is heroin not me. i feel like contacting his parents and telling them we broke up...i have a feeling he still tells them we are together because his parents adore me and know that when he is w me he is OK.....i know he goes out and tells his dad hes with me but hes really with other junkies......so sad.

rising above this.....im better then this......im going to the beach! sun, a good book, and gonna ENJOY life.

broken101

Evey,
I tried doing what you want to do contacting his parents and telling them, but you may regret it in the future, I know I feel stupid that I did. My ex family and friends all adored me and loved me because they knew he was being taken care of by me and he was healthy and on the right path when with me, his mother even said she was so grateful to me for loving her son so much. When we broke up and I told her what happened she kinda shot me out. No matter what that’s their son and some parents are ok with being codies. In the end I turned out to be the bad guy and I am ok with that because I am tired of trying to prove myself and I know deep down they know that to.

EverHopeful721

I agree with Broken. I think in most instances, their family will side with them....it's just the natural way of things. No matter how much they may have liked you, they most likely are going to side with their son. And even if they don't, and they take your side, they most likely will then get on his case about it and he's not going to appreciate you trying to turn his family against him. I know you want the satisfaction and validation, but you have to ask yourself if it's really worth it in the long run.

Freedom1990

His addiction is not personal though I understand how personal it does feel.

He's incapable of healthy love.

Addicts are driven to do what they do. I know because I was using crystal meth IV when I finally hit a bottom.

I was also married to an addict and it wasn't until I got clean/sober that I realized not only was I powerless over drugs/alcohol, but I was also powerless over him and his addiction.

I had to walk away for my own sanity and safety, and along with him, his parents were also no longer in my life. Oh, and they liked me too.

They had enough pain in their lives dealing with him.

Unfortunately they had to attend his funeral a few years back. He died at the tender age of 47, complications due to AIDS. That was a direct result of his chosen lifestyle.

Today I work hard to stay on my side of the street and leave others to their own lives.

Sending you hugs of support from Kansas.

zoso77

"Crazy" is a strong word, so be careful.

"Sick" is a more appropriate word.

ZoSo

cynical one

Block and unfriend.