dreamer26

My fiancé and I have known each other since sixth grade.. We started dating right after highschool and had a daughter at 20. We both turned 26 in march.. And have been together almost 8 years. Before we started dating I told him I don't go out with people who drink or do drugs or smoke cigarettes.. He stopped drinking and smoking weed.. (I didn't really know much about it all because I didn't really do any of those things).. Then 5 years ago everything went south and he began active addiction on and off to opiates snorting heroin and coke.. Sometimes
I feel angry because I think "I never signed up for this"!!! Anyone else get hijacked by a drug addict?

allforcnm

My husband had no drinking or drugs in his past, none in family or friends, not when we met, not when we married, and not for several years of marriage. And then he got hurt playing sports. He had to have surgery a couple times, physical therapy, and the doctor prescribed him pain meds. He needed them, and he took them correctly in the beginning. But when the doctor decided to wean him off the drugs, he found a source at his office. He tells me, and I actually believe him - he was only talking to friends at work and joking about how he missed the pain meds when they advised him there was a source right there and he could get whatever he wanted. And that started his downfall, and ended up giving him access to other drugs that he had never tried. I did feel like I had been hijacked too. That was not my husband, not who I married. I guess I still feel that way to some degree, but now I also realize although my husband made the initial choice to start abusing the drugs, he did not intend to become addicted. He was hijacked too, not understanding the drugs would crazy up all his brain chemicals, and make a big complicated mess.

story74

I was surprised, but looking back it makes sense. My x started drinking around 19-20 ish. Then he started smoking pot. I drank too, but I just thought we were having fun. He was a wake n baker when we lived together. He would go out and drink, smoke and have fun with friends. I would stay home. I just thought he was having fun. Then when we got married he kept up all the old habits. I started to ask him to cool it on the weed and slow down on the partying. He had an excuse that he needed to let off steam. Then we had a child. He still partied, and I began to complain that he didn't know when to stop and was always the last man standing. He was still smoking weed 24/7. He would smoke weed before taking our son to the park. He refused to quit. I didn't like it, but I no control over it. I wasn't sure how to deal with it. Then, he lost his job and moved to cocaine. He cheated, lied and abandoned. He lost everything. This progression took 14-15 years.

So there were signs I was not educated enough to see. It was shocking that he chose this path as he grew up in a strict christain home. He worked with kids and was great with them. He was charming, funny, giving and loyal. His father was an alcholic. He liked to have too much fun and has no will power.

There was good in the sober healthy man I chose to spend the rest of my life with and have a child with. Unfortunately, drugs hijacked his soul. Now, I have no idea who he is.

To this day I never question my intuition on people. He changed with drugs and I just had no clue about what addiction was or looked like.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Addiction is very complicated.

dreamer26

You both made a very good point these addicts were also hijacked! And the signs have been there all along.

bluebelle

Abf was a pot smoker when I met him. He had a pretty regular habit and would use it to help him work, or to relax with friends. The pain killer addiction started after he broke his leg. That was the big problem. When he went through recovery, he stopped the pot, too. His therapist explained that he had to be sober on all substances. I wouldn't really say he was "hijacked" by drugs. He had used pot as a way to cope since he was in his young teens. The pain killer was an extension of him using substances to focus, get things done, relax, etc.

bluebelle

Abf never really learned good coping mechanisms. Although, none of his family members have SA issues. I, on the other hand, have always used codependent relationships to cope, control, and distract. That started with my dealings with my addicted parents. I think it was all too easy for me to be drawn to an addict. I had a couple of previous bf's who were sex addicts, so it appears to be a reoccurring theme in my life. So, I know that recovery for myself is paramount.

dreamer26

Bluebelle. My SO also broke his leg.. That's what excelerated his opiate addiction.. He was out of work for 4 months and couldn't walk for one. He didn't know he had a tibial plateau fracture until like 1 or 2 months.. It didn't show up on X-ray at first.. And it gave him every excuse to sit around and use