BB89

I'm not really sure what the point of this post is.. I guess I just feel like sharing..

So, for the past few months things have been pretty good. Since our decision to just be just "friends" while he works on his recovery we have been just that... but barely. We rarely speak (maybe once a week and it's only through brief text messages) and I have only seen him once since then but I am okay with it overall. Honestly, it makes it easier for me this way. After I saw him the one time I was a mess for a few days. It just made me miss him so much more. It is kind of bittersweet though. I know he his putting all of his energy into his recovery and he is doing so well which makes me so happy for him but at the same time I selfishly wish that I could be a part of it. I wish that there was a way that he could work on himself but also have me in his life a little more. But, alas, this is the way he feels he needs to do things and I know it is best for me as well. He gave me an out, told me he didn't want me to feel like I had to wait for him. I didn't take it. He said that if I wanted to walk away and move on he would respect that but I have chosen not to. It was my decision I chose for myself. I know that at any time I can change my mind but I haven't and doubt I will. Even though I can only be his friend right now I still love and support him. I still want to be with him when we are both ready, although I suspect I will be ready before he is.

I have taken this time to start working on myself. I know that I have my own issues to work out independent of him and now is the time to do it. I'm currently reading CoDependent No More... what a great book. I started getting out more and started working out again. I really missed going to the gym and getting all my frustrations out. I haven't made it to an Al Anon meeting yet although I know I should. I have, however, read up on Al Anon's version of the 12 steps and I've been doing some of that on my own. I find it really helps me to write it all down just to get it out of my head. I've never been a talker, I'm more of a writer. I guess that's why I like SR so much! This is only my second post but I do come here every day.

Thanks again to everyone who shares their stories. They truly give me strength and inspiration.

Ann

Good for you, working on your own recovery will help you find your balance and inner peace.

Stick around, it gets better every day.

Hugs

laurie6781

I totally agree with Ann!

SR is a great place to come and 'vent' when needed and to share what we have learned with those that are just realizing that they can no longer live in the hell created by their A.

Welcome to recovery!

Love and hugs,

shinebright7

I like SR because I can come and write too -- different things come out when I write vs. when I speak.

I do go to Al Anon regularly too, though, so I appreciate having both channels of support. And if you go to an Al Anon meeting, you don't have to share. If you prefer, you can just listen and say "pass" when it gets to be your turn and that's totally acceptable.

Some people at Al Anon meetings also jot things down that they want to say so when it's their turn they can read off their little notes. Oftentimes you can know the topic of the meeting ahead of time, like which Step will be discussed, or which tradition, or topic...and so you could collect your thoughts in writing ahead of time and bring them to the meeting in case you wanted to read some of your written ideas.

So just some options that may help you get even more support.

Either way, it's great that you're here and getting as much as you can out of everything.

Hugs!