Lily1918

Gone 2 hours for ciggarettes.. oh joy. I'm thinking he went to the bar. If he went to the dope house he won't be back before sunrise.

But.... it could be legit car trouble. Ya right.

Goodnight yall

Wing

I remember those nites when he's out and I kept wondering in bed whether he's using and whether he would stay out till morning... :-/

Remind yourself that its out of your control. Try to rest...

Hugs

oooopps

In my case, my ex would be gone for hours for cigarettes as well in the wee hours of the night. I would be up calling his phone over and over and driving out looking for him. Anxious and worried sick to my stomach. When he finally returned, he was dirty, his clothes ripped, his pupils super dilated and his speeches slurred. I decided that life style wasnt for me so I removed him from my life.

Gollum

I've been there before and used to drive myself demented thinking all sorts of scenarios in my head. Not now though..... now I do something nice for me. If its late I run a nice bubble bath then get into bed in our spare room with my book. If it is early/day time I go out for a run. Either way I am mentally prepared to deal with what the next few days will bring. Took me a while to be able to detatch and sometimes I still have to be determined to do so but when I am I cope so much better. We can't help them but we can help ourselves. Take Care.

Kindeyes

Sometimes it's amazing how simple courtesy is so illusive when it comes to addiction.

Take care of you Lily.

gentle hugs
ke

sojourner

2 hours for cigarettes. went to get the motorcycle washed and comes back with nairy a drop of water on it and yet still says he got it washed. sometimes just leaves not wanting to bother with the nicities (er, I mean thinking of a lie) of saying where he will be going. It is such work for our beloved addicts to live like that. It must be exhausting for them.

Take care of yourself Lily. This is a very stressful time for you, but it too shall pass as you figure it all out from your end. God is good. You are loved.

LoveMeNow

No!!! Dammit!!

Oh Lily, try and remember everything you have learned while working your recovery. Try and find your balance and lean on God with all your heart.

This isn't the end of your world, it's sad and disappointing, I know. It doesn't mean he won't get and stay clean either. It just means he has more to learn.

Trust your gut and most of all, take care of you and beautiful kids!!

You are in my thoughts and prayers!!

EverHopeful721

Sending (((HUGS))) your way, Lily.

laurie6781

I thought the GREAT plan that he had was to get his own place???

Why was he staying at your place?

Love and hugs,

Lily1918

He wasn't, I came to visit his. He came back shortly after I posted this, sober.

I was laying in the window seat, listening to music and reading codependent no more on the tablet.

His arms were full of groceries and he had bought some snacks from walmart. He doesn't have a cellphone, so he was unable to call. He said he was enjoying walking around the store after being cooped up so long.

I was still doubtful, although we never buy our ciggs from the gas station. I knew he was going to walmart.

I was indiferent towards him and said I was gunna go home. I didn't yell, and he didn't get defensive. He asked me to come into the bathroom and I tried to refuse, but he took out one of the drug tests and did it.
It came out clean. He wants to show me another later on in the week.

Hmmmm.... thank you everyone for your support. Its so hard staying on my side of the street.

LoveMeNow

Oh lily, I am so happy to read he is still clean!

EnglishGarden

What is his DOC, Lily? I'm sorry...can't find it in your previous posts.

Lily1918

Heroin. Ugh nasty and powerful stuff no denying that.

HopefulmomtoD

Seems kind of inconsiderate of you, no? A two hour trip to buy cigarettes? I'm still suspicious, lol.

Ilovemysonjj

Lily, just watch the actions, not the words.
Hugs
TT

Lily1918

inconsiderate? confused? maybe I was somehow?

I suspect a beer was snuck.

more will be revealed in time. I just want to keep my side of the street clean.

its so weird. sometimes I find myself avoiding his eyes. I just can't help it. If I look at them I check his pupils.

wicked

No, lily, I think hopeful was saying his being gone for two hours was inconsiderate. Not that your were inconsiderate.

Wow, I have some codependency issues! Interpreting other's posts because I thought you felt bad.

Beth

LoveMeNow

This is an example of why I don't like home drug testing.

Do we have any idea how long heroin would take to show up in urine? Also, pain pills vs heroin are different tests. I stupidly bought the wrong kind and my husband was consistently clean.....for heroin (opiates) problem was I testing for pain pills. (Opioids)

I bet he was as shocked as I was when he passed. Well maybe not, because he later told me had bought fake urine to pass them.

All just sick and crazy making.....and a sure fire way to screw up trusting your own instincts.

Either way, being gone for 2 hours to go by cigarettes would trigger most of us and it was simply inconsiderate. I hope you weren't out of them!

HopefulmomtoD

Oops not you, him. A "normal" person would realize that you would worry if he disappeared for two hours and would want to save you that anxiety.

Wicked had it right. Thanks, wicked. ;-)

Lily1918

thanks everyone. ugh yes. I hate at home drug testing. Im taking some space for the day and only time will tell. ugh... I hope he does well, but if not. I will be ok. I will co.e on here crying and blubbering, but I will peel the onion and be ok. I hope.