Miller05

hi guys....so my husband graduated from the program last night. the rehab group leader mentioned that many of her patients agree to at home drug testing.

really??????????

they were saying that you can buy these test at the drug store and for the first year, do random drug testing on our addicts?

has anyone ever did this? i cant wait to bring this up at my naranon meeting tomorrow.

thoughts?

it seems like that would be me trying to "manage his recovery." am i wrong? i was watching that show Intervention, and i saw a father doing that with his son who was actively using.

what do you think?

HopefulmomtoD

In general, I don't think its worth it because I think they are beatable AND it puts you in the position of being a warden.

That said, they do drug test in sober living homes frequently. Have you considered some kind of transitional living arrangement where he will be tested. Also, he'll be around other addicts and they can't be as easily fooled as non addicts.

I was re reading your posts. Are you sure you are ready for him to move back home? He is VERY early in recovery.

LoveMeNow

My therapist told me "if you have to drug test your husband, you already know the answer." Those were some powerful words because she was so right.

However, there have been a few times my husband insisted on taking a drug test as a misguided attempt to build trust. It did make me feel very uncomfortable and helped me realize what was my "norm" had become very unhealthy.

But to be very honest, secretly, the negative test did ease my anxiety....for the moment...but not in a healthy way for me. I don't want a marriage that involves drug testing. Ughhh!

Miller05

Yeah...that is what i was thinking about the drug testing...seems like it would be unhealthy for me. I will see what more the rehab place has to say...thanks.

My husband has been home for months...the program was outpatient.

Thanks for the replies.

Lily1918

my bf will be drug testing, but only for visitation of the children. He feels that he wants his bases covered "just in case" any third parties, like the church or extended family try to say anything about his visitation. He is buying the tests on his own.

but that's his opinion.

I on the otherhand, agree with LMN. cynical one also once told me "using looks like using"
I personally don't think drug tests are reliable, or necessary.

Freedom1990

What I think is my home is not a rehab or a halfway house.

I had my 35-year-old AD living with me for almost 13 months, and what I learned is that she will never change based on my observations.

I did not drug test. I knew when she was abusing her prescription meds. That was just one of numerous reasons she had to move out, and why she will never live with me again.

Drug tests are also infamously easy to beat. My AD did it all the time when she wouid see her probation officer.

Time willl tell if he's sincere about maintaining long-term recovery. Talk is cheap, and my best suggestion to you is watch his actions and leave his recovery to him.

You deserve to have your own recovery, finding serenity and happiness in spite of what the future may bring.

Sending you hugs of support.

Ann

I think drug testing at home is demeaning to the tester and the person being tested.

There is a purpose for the general good when testing is done at group homes, others are in jeopardy if one of them is using. And job testing is for general safety reasons.

Home testing is a bad idea, I think. With my son, I didn't need a test, I KNEW when I knew. No test was necessary.

I hope things work well and there is no need for a test. Just my thoughts.

Hugs

Hammer

Wow. Funny question.

Both funny odd and funny ha-ha.

Mrs. Hammer's sponsor told me she was pee-testing her own husband after he was caught smoking pot. The sponsor and her husband are both AA. Guess they 13th stepped, she got pregnant, they married, and are making things work their way.

Being fairly devote Al-Anon, myself, I was horrified.

I kind of put some of this stuff under the "Thank Goodness They Found Each Other," list (meaning they saved two other people some misery). But the sponsor seems to a major control freak (jmho), but she also seems to control Mrs. Hammer from time-to-time, when and if Mrs. Hammer tells her the truth.

Good for All of Them.

At any rate, again I am a fairly devote Al-Anon. At least try to be. And any other day when I am not so devote, I wish I were.

So back on topic. Pee-Testing. Had to do that to my troops when I was an LT in the US Army.

Glad I Am Not Part of Any Such Soap Opera.

I would wish the same for you.

Pee Testing Your Addict IS NOT SERENITY.

They PROMISED me serenity. I am claiming that promise. It is there for you too, if you will take it.

Miller05

thanks for the replies everyone! you guys are all very supportive.

Justfor1

If you are going to drug test then you should do it right. Get a good court/hospital type grade drug test. Also, you have to physically watch them urinate in the cup. Pat them down & search them before they take the test to make sure they do not have any prearranged urine with them. A quality drug test will show signs of being tampered with & should indicate they are hiding drug use. To really surprise them repeat the drug test 2-3 days after giving the first one. Sometimes addicts will just assume that they won't be drug tested back to back & you can catch'em.

Miller05

thanks for the tips! i go to nar anon tonight, and it will be interesting to discuss this further. you guys are awesome!

laurie6781

If his counselor thinks he should be 'random drug tested' then have him go to a Sober
Living Environment home.

You start doing this and you have become his Warden and Parole Officer all rolled
into one.

Drug testing him is NOT YOUR JOB.

Love and hugs,

Lily1918

This is how I am feeling after being at his house last night