Giving
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Giving
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Giving
Learning to be a healthy giver can be a challenge. Many of us got caught up in compulsive giving - charitable acts motivated by uncharitable feelings of guilt, shame, obligations, pity, and moral superiority.
We now understand that catering and compulsive giving don't work. They backfire.
Caretaking keeps us feeling victimized.
Many of us gave too much, thinking we were doing things right; then we became confused because our life and relationships weren't working. Many of us gave so much for so long, thinking we were doing God's will; then in recovery, we refused to give, care, or love for a time.
That's okay. Perhaps we needed a rest. But healthy giving is part of healthy living. The goal in recovery is balance - caring that is motivated by a true desire to give, with an underlying attitude of respect for others and ourselves.
The goal in recovery is to choose what we want to give, to whom, when, and how much. The goal in recovery is to give and not feel victimized by our giving.
Are we giving because we want to, because it's our responsibility? Or are we giving because we feel obligated, guilty, ashamed, or superior? Are we giving because we feel afraid to say no?
Are the ways we try to assist people helpful, or do they prevent others from facing their true responsibilities?
Are we giving so that people will like us or feel obligated to us? Are we giving to prove we're worthy? Or are we giving because we want to give and it feels right?
Recovery includes a cycle of giving and receiving. It keeps healthy energy flowing among our Higher Power, others, and us. It takes time to learn how to give in healthy ways. It takes time to learn to receive. Be patient. Balance will come.
God, please guide my giving and my motives today.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Giving
Learning to be a healthy giver can be a challenge. Many of us got caught up in compulsive giving - charitable acts motivated by uncharitable feelings of guilt, shame, obligations, pity, and moral superiority.
We now understand that catering and compulsive giving don't work. They backfire.
Caretaking keeps us feeling victimized.
Many of us gave too much, thinking we were doing things right; then we became confused because our life and relationships weren't working. Many of us gave so much for so long, thinking we were doing God's will; then in recovery, we refused to give, care, or love for a time.
That's okay. Perhaps we needed a rest. But healthy giving is part of healthy living. The goal in recovery is balance - caring that is motivated by a true desire to give, with an underlying attitude of respect for others and ourselves.
The goal in recovery is to choose what we want to give, to whom, when, and how much. The goal in recovery is to give and not feel victimized by our giving.
Are we giving because we want to, because it's our responsibility? Or are we giving because we feel obligated, guilty, ashamed, or superior? Are we giving because we feel afraid to say no?
Are the ways we try to assist people helpful, or do they prevent others from facing their true responsibilities?
Are we giving so that people will like us or feel obligated to us? Are we giving to prove we're worthy? Or are we giving because we want to give and it feels right?
Recovery includes a cycle of giving and receiving. It keeps healthy energy flowing among our Higher Power, others, and us. It takes time to learn how to give in healthy ways. It takes time to learn to receive. Be patient. Balance will come.
God, please guide my giving and my motives today.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Thank you...... I needed to read this today. It's funny how it described to a tee how I was feeling.
I gave out of those uncharitable feelings for a very long time.....fear, obligation, guilt, shame, pity.......and I thought I had it figured out.
Now I'm going through a period of not giving anything because I feel if I do, it is out of one of those uncharitable feelings. It's good to know that it's ok to give.....but my motives need to be in check.
This helped me reconcile some feelings I've been having this week regarding my son. I need to concentrate on healthy "giving" and not feel guilty for a healthy exchange. I need to watch my motives......because they can shift back to unhealthy in a heartbeat. I want to continue the loving detachment I have worked so hard to achieve.....yet not be afraid to give with an open heart. It's a fine line.
gentle hugs
ke
I gave out of those uncharitable feelings for a very long time.....fear, obligation, guilt, shame, pity.......and I thought I had it figured out.
Now I'm going through a period of not giving anything because I feel if I do, it is out of one of those uncharitable feelings. It's good to know that it's ok to give.....but my motives need to be in check.
This helped me reconcile some feelings I've been having this week regarding my son. I need to concentrate on healthy "giving" and not feel guilty for a healthy exchange. I need to watch my motives......because they can shift back to unhealthy in a heartbeat. I want to continue the loving detachment I have worked so hard to achieve.....yet not be afraid to give with an open heart. It's a fine line.
gentle hugs
ke
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