Sobriety and Xanax use
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Welcome to our SR family
I hate to hear of another precious daughter fighting this disease - my thoughts & prayers will be with her.
For me, this has been a great place to help me in my own recovery in dealing with the many people in my life that are affected by this awful disease. I had many things to learn about minding my own business and that the most loving and kind thing I could do for my daughter was to give her the respect, dignity and love to find her own way . . .
She deserved that, everyone does.
I hope that you will find help here ~ there are many wise people here who have walked this road with their adult children for many many years ~ we are all just doing the best we can with what we have learned.
wishing you peace and serenity
pink hugs
I hate to hear of another precious daughter fighting this disease - my thoughts & prayers will be with her.
For me, this has been a great place to help me in my own recovery in dealing with the many people in my life that are affected by this awful disease. I had many things to learn about minding my own business and that the most loving and kind thing I could do for my daughter was to give her the respect, dignity and love to find her own way . . .
She deserved that, everyone does.
I hope that you will find help here ~ there are many wise people here who have walked this road with their adult children for many many years ~ we are all just doing the best we can with what we have learned.
wishing you peace and serenity
pink hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Everyone here in this forum has a loved one who has been taken from them in some way by drug addiction. We all understand the pain you are feeling and I am sorry that you are hurting.....
When I first came here to SR......I was also in a lot of anguish regarding my son's addiction......and many (most) of the people have experienced that deep emotional, psychological and spiritual pain.....it is pervasive. You are not alone in your anguish. Some of us have learned (after much hard work) to cope in such a way that we are able to maintain a sense of serenity about it....whether the addict continues to use or not. I hope and pray that you can find that too.
You and your dear daughter will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
When I first came here to SR......I was also in a lot of anguish regarding my son's addiction......and many (most) of the people have experienced that deep emotional, psychological and spiritual pain.....it is pervasive. You are not alone in your anguish. Some of us have learned (after much hard work) to cope in such a way that we are able to maintain a sense of serenity about it....whether the addict continues to use or not. I hope and pray that you can find that too.
You and your dear daughter will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
I wanted to say I'm sorry about the conversation with your daughter. From what my husband has said, while opiate pain meds made him more relaxed; the Xanax made him agitated and aggressive. (possibly the case with your daughter). In my husbands case, tons of regret followed those episodes and it took him a long time in therapy to sort himself out. In some ways I feel like our loved ones who are lost inside that addiction are constantly being victimized by the addiction. When (if) the addiction finally goes away, what's left is a person all beat and battered. It's very sad for both the family and the addict.
Sounds like you have it clear though. Her comments were ugly and mean, and were meant to keep you from interfering with the the drugs she thinks she needs.
If you think going back to NC is best then it is what you should do. The approaches I mentioned in my earlier post about Community Reinforcement that teach family methods of Positive reinforcement should only be practiced IF you are able to maintain a relationship that is also healthy for you. Your needs come first. Smart recovery often suggest implementing boundaries to assist with this, but sometimes that isnt enough, and then they would also recommend no contact.
My husband was my addict, and we have a toddler. It was very hard dealing with all the emotions that come with a husband being addicted, but as much as I try, I can't relate that experience to what it would be like if it had been my son. I think your handling yourself quite well under the circumstances. Please continue to take care of yourself, and prayers sent that your daughter will return to you one day.
Sounds like you have it clear though. Her comments were ugly and mean, and were meant to keep you from interfering with the the drugs she thinks she needs.
If you think going back to NC is best then it is what you should do. The approaches I mentioned in my earlier post about Community Reinforcement that teach family methods of Positive reinforcement should only be practiced IF you are able to maintain a relationship that is also healthy for you. Your needs come first. Smart recovery often suggest implementing boundaries to assist with this, but sometimes that isnt enough, and then they would also recommend no contact.
My husband was my addict, and we have a toddler. It was very hard dealing with all the emotions that come with a husband being addicted, but as much as I try, I can't relate that experience to what it would be like if it had been my son. I think your handling yourself quite well under the circumstances. Please continue to take care of yourself, and prayers sent that your daughter will return to you one day.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Time and time again, I was asked "what was I getting out of the relationship with my addicted husband." I thought it was an obvious answer. I was hurt, betrayed, sad, angry.
When I started working with a therapist and working with a CoDa support group, I discovered so much more about myself. Trying to fix, rescue, control, or force an outcome really gave me sort of self worth, but not on a conscious level. There was so much more to my thinking and behaviors that I could not see or even realized.
Incitingsilence, Anvil, Cynical one, Dollydo, Ann, Kindyeys, Laurie,, etc etc helped me see what I couldn't. They recognized my thinking, because they too had once thought or behaved much like me.
Without realizing it, I had come to love being a victim. I vented to anyone who would listen. Nobody understood me or my situation, i needed advice to fix it...or so i thought. It wasn't until I did some work on myself, did I understand what others were pointing out.
Have you ever looked up or read Codependent No More? It was very helpful to me as I began to learn more about myself and my thinking.
When I started working with a therapist and working with a CoDa support group, I discovered so much more about myself. Trying to fix, rescue, control, or force an outcome really gave me sort of self worth, but not on a conscious level. There was so much more to my thinking and behaviors that I could not see or even realized.
Incitingsilence, Anvil, Cynical one, Dollydo, Ann, Kindyeys, Laurie,, etc etc helped me see what I couldn't. They recognized my thinking, because they too had once thought or behaved much like me.
Without realizing it, I had come to love being a victim. I vented to anyone who would listen. Nobody understood me or my situation, i needed advice to fix it...or so i thought. It wasn't until I did some work on myself, did I understand what others were pointing out.
Have you ever looked up or read Codependent No More? It was very helpful to me as I began to learn more about myself and my thinking.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
