Newbie - husband relapsed on cocaine

Old 04-06-2013, 01:13 PM
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Newbie - husband relapsed on cocaine

Apolgies, i am reposting this from the newcomer forum as its probably more appropriate here.
I feel so sad and angry.
My husband as everything he has ever wanted. A wife, home, beautiful child. He admitted his problem with coke 10 months ago and had stayed sober since then until last night.
I am visiting my mum 70 miles away and left him home. I wake up this morning to a phone call from his dad as he's been admitted to hospital due to overdose on painkillers.
Last night he sat in our family home by himself and took a load of coke, then unable to sleep because of it took a full pack of paracetamol. What on earth was he thinking!? I can only imagine if it ha killed him and me and our daughter found him.
I am angry, I don't want to see him. He ends help, he knows he needs help but I don't know if I can stay with him through it. He recently stopped drinking as well and had started to be one a much happier, stable person, things were good. Then this.....
It's like he just can't live a happy, normal life he jut as to destroy it every time.
Our daughter is only 2.5, she s the bes thing ya ever happened to me and I don't want her growing up in this kind of life.
I know I should probably leave him but I'm worried that if I do e ay either get much worse or realise he needs to fix this.
Is an addict always an addict s ths going to keep happening?
I am so confused by ths all. I don't know what to do for the best!
He is still in hospital and will be there for a couple more days
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Old 04-06-2013, 01:49 PM
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welcome Rose. so very sorry for the events that brought you here. what a sudden scary change in your life!
your husband made a seriously bad decision to use again, followed with more bad decisions that landed him in the hospital. what was he thinking? one thing...getting high. probably thought he could "get away with it since mama wasn't home." medical treatment can help get him detoxed and stable, after that he will have some more decisions to make. hopefully good ones.

thinking of you and your little girl. do what you think is BEST for you. read around here.....lots of good stuff.
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Old 04-06-2013, 02:37 PM
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Im very sorry you are going through this, and thank God he did not die from the combination of all those drugs. But one positive thing is that he is in the hospital now, and if he is willing, they have the resources to help him. There are many treatment options available. If he did not get any medical help in the past, then it could make a huge difference to him now. My husband used a method called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and had the help of a psychologist. His addiction was cocaine also.

My husband has been in a relapse too. He was binging on cocaine and alcohol for a straight week. He was getting high, and then using alcohol to sedate himeself, sort of like your husband did except wtih pills. He had been clean for over three years.All happened before we met. I could not even talk to him as he was either high, drunk, or passed out. I found this website about a week ago I guess. I will share some things that have helped me.

I found this thread, and it is written by a wife who’s husband in in relapse from alcohol. It made me feel not so alone. I have found a lot of strength in the person who wrote this, and would encourage you to read it, or at least her posts (as the thread is pretty long). It inspired me to call my husbands psychologist (who he hadn’t seen in about 7 months) and also his parents for help. My husbands doctor was wonderful. He has talked to me a couple of times, and has so much information to share about addiction, relapse, and the whole process. One thing he shared, is that since my husband has been through this before, and he has the skills and knowledge, to bring himself out of this. He knows the difference between life when he is drunk/high or sober. His doctor said he would help him when he calls and is ready. Also, he was very encouraging because he has faith in my husband to get through this and get his life back on track.

Also what has inspired me about this post is the way Cecelia has removed so much emotion and anger, and replaced it with solid decision making, and even allows herself to feel humor at some of the craziness. Which seemed so impossible to me when I was crying my eyes out days ago. She shared this video with me, and another person on this site did also. It has helped me more than anything to understand what the addiction has been doing to my husband, and what has been going on in his brain while he was binging. It all hit home for me what was explained and what I was seeing. Is an hour long documentary (but not dry and boring), It was created by a doctor who also suffered an addiction. I have watched it twice. I think it should be suggested to all family members. I shared it with my husbands parents, and later I hope to watch it with him.

Pleasure Unwoven Full Movie Documentary by Kevin McCauley - YouTube

Once I called my In-laws, my father in law came out and has been here a week. My husband was angry I called them, but this shook him up and he stopped binging on alcohol. Did his best to pull himself together before his dad arrived. Not completely possible after a week long binge ! My FIL basically sent me away, he said he wanted to try to talk with him, and since he had been through it before I thought it was best. He sent me to a hotel where I have been almost a full week now. Once I got away from that week of binging, I realized how exhausted I was, emotionally drained. I kept thinking he would just snap out of it, but the more drugs and alcohol he took the worse he was getting, so Im glad I finally called for help.

My husband has now reached out to his psychologist, and two days ago they devised a plan to get him back on track. I don’t know what the outcome will be, but I am hopeful. I have just come home today, and feel comfortable with this, since he has made this effort and is no longer completely out of control. Part of his plan is also going to include drug testing to satisfy his business partner who also became aware of what was going on & reached out to sort of intervene along with FIL.

I know how shocking all this must be, and how confused and scared. I cant advise what you should do in your situation. But I wanted to share what I have done. My FIL told me days ago, that I was going to have to be patient. So I will offer that up as my words of wisdom. (FIL would get a kick out of me doing that !) But really be patient with yourself, and think things through. I think the answers you need for yourself will come in time, just like mine did.
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Old 04-06-2013, 07:06 PM
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In reading....

If he just recently quit drinking like the past few weeks then he hasn’t been sober at all really. Using and not using are one way to compare .... not using and in recovery are totally different. He may not have used cocaine in that time, drinking is using and drinking will bring you right back to coke, in time, all in good time, so will recently stopping….

You do not have to stay if you do not wish too, that is all yours to figure out and is all about you and your child in this moment, not about him. Please also note to watch your motives in terms of leaving or staying. Neither will get him well or make him worse and that is what I mean about this not being about him. You do not have to make any decision today. And the most important thing is the health and safety of both you and your child.

I suggest you get some help, meetings, counseling. I also suggest you educate yourself, cynicals blog as it goes back up is good reading, the stickies at the top of the page … seek out information on enabling, on codependency and even addiction. And for any chance and this is the hardest for many to understand, work on you, keep it about you and just you no matter what and leave him to work on him. And yes he is very capable of doing just that.

Be gentle with yourself.
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