Help! What to tell the kids and NC

Old 04-05-2013, 11:52 AM
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Help! What to tell the kids and NC

So as some of you know I left my AH and filed for divorce. He is suppose to get the papers today. I feel at peace with my decision. (most of the time.) As I know that God is directing my path. Things have just gone to smoothly for me for Him not to be with me.

I still have had no contact with him. I keep telling myself that I need to call and give him and explanation. But I have warned him many a time that I would do this if he did not quit his behavior. I know that I was gone for at least 2 full days and he did not even know. It is not unlike him to leave for days and not call. I quit calling him a few weeks ago. I am not his keeper. So I suppose he doesn't deserve (for lack of better terms) an explanation. I guess he has done this to himself. But then I think I do have the kids.... but then again he hasn't tried to contact me. YET.

I mailed my phone to my parents. So i wasn't tempted answer. And got a new number that NO one has. I told his mother that I left and I am sure that she went and buffered the news to him. She is a SUPER CODIE! (worse than me) GAG... I wish she would let him hit. But i don't think she will. She always says she understands me (my ah dad was/is addict who she was married to) but her actions speak louder than words. The last time I talked to her to tell her we were gone. (had to call her, she was going to a school event for kids or I would nto have called her) she was saying how she had to go by and pick up a payment and make it for him... REALLY! That is the least of his worries!

So here is my question. I have left town. Looking for a job and I just enrolled the kids in school for next week. (they need to be in school and stable!) I have told my teen flat out. But my big problem is I have 2 young girls. 6 and 9. They don't know I enrolled them and they still think we are going home. What the heck am i going to tell them! It is so surreal to me that I am making all the major life changes and decisions with out him even knowing.

I hope someone can give me some advice! I read somewhere that you should say daddy is sick and when he gets better he can come home. Well I just don't like that. I feel like a 6 yo is going to think daddy has cancer and mommy bailed on him!

PLEASE! Someone with kids help me on this... My clock is ticking...
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Old 04-05-2013, 12:17 PM
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My kids therapist told us to say that their (bio) mother is making bad choices. It is my job to protect you from those choices. To make sure they know that they are loved (even by her), and safe. To listen and validate their concerns..... Usually by mirroring it so they know they are being heard. And the best and only thing we can do for her right pray for her. We prayed for her every night.

Six years later, their dad became addicted to pain killers. I failed miserably, took it very personally, and made it about not loving us enough to stop.

To be honest, I still have anger and hurt about his addiction when it comes to our kids. No kid should ever come second to anything, especially drugs by both bio parents.
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Old 04-05-2013, 12:25 PM
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Tell them in no uncertain terms....the house was on fire
and I had to get you out.
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Old 04-05-2013, 12:38 PM
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If you look at this sticky and scroll down, there are a couple of threads that specifically address the issue.

Bless you for putting your kids first. It's not going to be easy, but then again, doing the right thing is rarely easy.

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Old 04-05-2013, 03:08 PM
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I would make sure your teen is on the same page and is sitting there when you tell them. I would keep very calm and positive.

I would say, "Daddy is very sick. We need to move away for a little while until he feels better." That's it. I am sure they will have tons of questions. Answer them in short and simple, but honest.

I work with kids for a living. When parents tell them too much information they get confused and stressed.

I would try to make sure you stick to a healthy schedule. The need consistency. Same same same.

Make it fun. Can they pick colors for their new room? Check out new ice cream shops in the town? New parks? something... and hopefully the teen will be super supportive and helpful!!!!

Maybe have a picture of dad in their bedroom. And tell them good stories about him and who he was. So, they know they came from good. When ever opportunity presents itself let them know how important good choices are.

Always be honest, but at that young age simplify.

Btw, I moved very fast. My son was not yet 3. It was the best thing I ever did!!! I am proud of myself for working/moving very smartly under such pain and stress. I was strong during the day, and cried myself to sleep. 1 year later I was in a good place. 2 years later I was in a really good place. My son is and was safe! thank god!

It is sooooo hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bless you!
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Old 04-05-2013, 03:40 PM
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Thanks story,
I think your right about keep it short...
And my teen will be there. I have already warned her...
I moved very fast also. Although things are moving in the right direction I am so overwhelmed. When I left 4 days ago i was just in that moment of that day... Not even thinking that I would already be putting them in school ect... this fast.

But I did that because 3 days out of school is enough I can tell. It is time to get back stability. Especially now! When he is hitting the fan.....
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