Taking the steps to find the courage to leave
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 12
Taking the steps to find the courage to leave
Hi everyone. I posted here last year and haven't posted since. I do read the forums here occasionally, though. I'm back again.
Things have gotten worse with my AH and I realize I need to leave to protect myself. He tried different types of recovery programs and methods since my last post, but I know he's using again. I know. The financial problems are unmanageable and he recently lost a good job. He also believes he's "not like other addicts" because he's educated and was able to hold down a professional job while using. Well, now that job is gone and I know having a higher education doesn't mean very much when a person is deeply involved with an addiction.
I've been struggling with the idea of leaving for over a year now, but I can't live like this anymore. I've read through many of the Stickies and posts from others, and I see my life. I am not living a healthy life and I need to get out.
I feel a lot of guilt about taking the steps to remove myself from our home. I fear things like him dying, getting arrested, and now that he lost his job: resorting to crime.
We do not have children, and sometimes I wonder if I've stayed so long because we don't.
He has also become increasingly emotionally abusive. I remain calm through his taunts and harsh words, but I have been slowly building the courage to walk away from this. I don't know if divorce is the right choice now, but getting away from him is the best thing for me.
Aside from what I have read in the Stickies and other posts, is there anything I should expect or prepare for when I make solid steps to leave?
Things have gotten worse with my AH and I realize I need to leave to protect myself. He tried different types of recovery programs and methods since my last post, but I know he's using again. I know. The financial problems are unmanageable and he recently lost a good job. He also believes he's "not like other addicts" because he's educated and was able to hold down a professional job while using. Well, now that job is gone and I know having a higher education doesn't mean very much when a person is deeply involved with an addiction.
I've been struggling with the idea of leaving for over a year now, but I can't live like this anymore. I've read through many of the Stickies and posts from others, and I see my life. I am not living a healthy life and I need to get out.
I feel a lot of guilt about taking the steps to remove myself from our home. I fear things like him dying, getting arrested, and now that he lost his job: resorting to crime.
We do not have children, and sometimes I wonder if I've stayed so long because we don't.
He has also become increasingly emotionally abusive. I remain calm through his taunts and harsh words, but I have been slowly building the courage to walk away from this. I don't know if divorce is the right choice now, but getting away from him is the best thing for me.
Aside from what I have read in the Stickies and other posts, is there anything I should expect or prepare for when I make solid steps to leave?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 311
Many addicts and loved ones of addicts want to believe they are different or the exception. It is called "terminal uniqueness."
Have you tried face to face Al-anon meetings? They say try 6 different meetings before you decide if it is right for you.
In working a 12 step-recovery program in Al-anon myself for over one year now, I have different boundaries, standards, hopes, dreams, wants, needs, and goals that have no place for active addiction in my life. I owe my life to the program.
Many blessings!
Have you tried face to face Al-anon meetings? They say try 6 different meetings before you decide if it is right for you.
In working a 12 step-recovery program in Al-anon myself for over one year now, I have different boundaries, standards, hopes, dreams, wants, needs, and goals that have no place for active addiction in my life. I owe my life to the program.
Many blessings!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
I am an addict/alkie clean today. My hubby stayed with me for about 38 years. He has nothing but bad memories to look back on. Terrible memories. He is still there, I am clean and so is he. He became an addict about 3 years ago when I was at the height of my addcitions.
He's a good man, He deserved better. Go find your joy and happiness and lose the guilt. Perhaps you leaving will bring him to his bottom and realize he needs help.
You could always come back if he gets sober and is consistently working on his recovery. God Bless You!
He's a good man, He deserved better. Go find your joy and happiness and lose the guilt. Perhaps you leaving will bring him to his bottom and realize he needs help.
You could always come back if he gets sober and is consistently working on his recovery. God Bless You!
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