gahope88

So, I had to go to my parents house this weekend for Easter. Even though they live about an hour and a half away, my husband and I only go there for holidays. I talk to my mother almost everyday. For the last five or so months she has been in a really great place. She seems at peace with the world, she and I have been getting along great (My husband and I have been in recovery for about 7 months now).

Now, here is where things get weird. They sent my little brother who is 18 and a senior in high school now to a wilderness therapy program when he was a junior in high school. This place was not a 12 step based program that was run by really hippie mormons (nothing wrong with mormons, we just aren't mormon so I don't know why they picked it...) that Dr. Phil recommended. This place had scam written all over it. They told my parents that people should not be diagnosed with mental disorders because they do not exist, they didn't believe in addiction just addictive tendencies, things like this.

Anyway, flash forward to him coming home from this place and my parents decide to send him to live with my half brother who is 40 with two little kids. He ends up passed out in the oldest (8 years old) room with the whole room smelling of pot. My half brother kicks him out, my brother drops out of high school, and tries to run away to live with a wilderness therapy buddy in Florida.

In this time my husband and I go through recovery, stay in recovery, and are doing well. My parents make a big to do about never being able to trust me again because they did not know I had a drug addiction. I had to tell them because I was high functioning and good at hiding it. So I am making progress and moving forward. They have to stick my little brother in a private school for kids that have issues so he can get a high school diploma and he fights it but eventually gives in and goes back to school.

So, I come home for Easter. The last two times I've seen my brother at holidays he's been so high. Going to the bathroom every 20 minutes. Runny nose. Eyes are either dilated or pinpoints (he loves opiates and ketamine). So, when I get home my brother comes down to dinner late his eyes are dialated, he's pale, washed out and his hands are shaking like he has Parkinson's or something. He barely eats, doesn't talk. Then I can see that he is up all night. Oh, and in the bathroom that we share, there is a SCALE. With white powdery residue on it. The two days that we were there, I woke up once in the middle or the night to let the dogs out around 3 am and my husband the other night around the same time and he was still up. And it's not like he sleeps during the day. And then two of my cousins were not there to celebrate Easter but my grandmother wrote us all $100 checks. My aunt mentioned how you could deposit them on your phone now with an app. My brothers eyes lit up. Both of my aunts forgot my cousins checks who were not there and I saw my brother take them up to his room. I know he put that app to good use.

But that's ok. I can't change drug addiction, I understand that that's what addicts do. It's so apparent to me that he is an addict. There is a scale in the bathroom with white powder that measures grams, he looks dead, his hands shake, he's stealing checks, he's up in his room all the time - he has a history of drug abuse and has done no recovery program to recovery.

Here's the kicker - my parents don't think he's on drugs, don't think he's doing anything wrong, don't think he's been high, don't see his hands shaking, think he's fine. And here's the real kicker - they don't think he was ever addicted. He was using large amounts a ketamine, cough syrup, opiates, etc. And non addicts don't steal his cousins checks to get $200. My mom was so calm not because she was getting healthier ways of thinking or an al anon recovery program but because she is so deep in denial that she literally thinks that my brother is okay. She basically told me this weekend he wasn't an addict because he didn't have a physical dependence on drugs like I did where he had to have them but a "relapse" for him would be the "behaviors" where he would exhibit basically addict behaviors. I am just feeling so sad. I know this is a long post, it was just that my mother was acting so at ease and happy I thought she must have been going to al anon or a therapist and was getting well and healthy and doing some form of recovery. And I found out this weekend it was just deep, deep denial. I just had to talk about it someone where. I know I can't do anything about it. I am just keep my distance and praying for them. But it doesn't make it any less sad. It says volumes about how far I have come though that I am not trying to fix it or intervene. Any advice or insight would be appreciated. Sorry for the long post. It's just heart breaking. This is truly a family disease.

tjp613

Well, I'm glad you posted here and have a place to vent. Sounds like a very sucky situation.

Apparently your mom's gonna do what she's gonna do...and more will be revealed, as they say. Something will happen, sooner or later, that will hopefully wake her up. Maybe her wedding rings will go missing, or he'll get arrested, or she'll catch him red-handed using drugs. Maybe one of those things will shake her out of her stupor...or maybe she'll fall for whatever BS he throws her way. We'll see, eh?

I think for now you just get on your knees every day and be grateful you're sober, give your husband a great big kiss, throw a chewie for the doggie, and go about your day! Your life sounds pretty good!