Awakenings!!
 

Have you ever seen the movie Awakenings? It's about victims of an encephalitis epidemic many years ago who have been catatonic ever since, but now a new drug offers the prospect of reviving them. its with Robert De Niro and Robin Williams.

In many ways I feel like I am living something similar. Because of the Vivitrol shot, I feel like I have my "old" husband back. He has been close to amazing! Of course, the Love Dare Challenge has been really making a diffence too.

Anyway, the shot is good for approx 30 days. He had committed to do 3 months. However, he is well over the 30 days, still has no cravings or urges and has not made another appointment. He continues his to work NA program, etc.

I am realizing that Vivitrol was also a "drug" for my codependency as well. Good or bad, it is the security blanket so many of us want. It made me feel safe, secure and with no anxiety. For the first time in a long time, I could feel unbelievably relaxed! "Real" recovery for me? No, I don't think so. Just a reprieve from my own self destructive thinking.

I know I have to trust God that no matter what I will be ok! But I can not bare the thought of losing him to addiction again. I know he can see me becoming anxious again. He has tried to reassure me and asks me to allow him to do it his way. But honestly, i couldn't help thinking "look where your best thinking got you" and Mark Lundholm's credo "first thought wrong."

I know it's his recovery, his journey and his lessons to learn or not but I want him to honor his 3 month commitment to the shot. Problem is, I think I want him to do it more for me then for him. I know I am powerless, it will be what it wil be, I have to let go of my fears but today....I am afraid.

Looks like I am right back needing Codie 101 classes again. I just needed somewhere safe to share how I feel right now as I am trying to release my anxieties and fears. Thank you for "listening".

Great post. Hope and pray that he is on his way to recovery.

Ahem *said while flexing the bunny slippers*. :)

Is today a good day for you? Did you enjoy the 20 some hours of today yet?

Not one of us knows what tomorrow will bring, good or bad, rain or shine. If someone handed me my "book of life" and allowed me to look at even a single page of tomorrows, I would decline. Because tomorrow is not mine to see and worry will not change any of it.

Now before you hand me the "Mother Teresa Award for Recovery", please remember that I used to be Madame Ann with the crystal ball and the windex because I could never quite see what the future would hold, but dang, I could make a good guess and have a bad day right now just thinking about it.

It's natural to worry, but it's not healthy.

Enjoy today dear LMN, don't miss the joy in today by worrying about tomorrow.

Hugs

Lol Ann. One of these days, your wisdom is going to sink into my thick skull.

Funny story about my thick skull, when I was a kid, about 8, I was walking with a game in my hand. We were going to visit my dad at work for some reason. Well I was so involved with my game, I walked right in to a big glass window. The glass shattered in a thousand pieces, everyone came running....nope - not a single bump or scratch on me. Oh and my game was fine too. lol

Good thing my dad was the boss! ;)

The visual of what you just described cracks me up. :D

I didn't men to hijack your thread. I'm glad that drug helped your husband and hope he can maintain a good frame of mind.

I have seen awakenings many times and totally get how they all were okay...for a while...then not again. Life can be like that, except in our world people do recovery every day. Thing is, we never know when it may happen to our own addicted loved one.

So, my pearls of wisdom for today are "Live in today and don't walk into any windows." :dot:

:lmao

It is so hard to live in today!!! Hugs LMN
Keep doing you

LMN, "Awakenings," describes it very well. My bf has been doing well with Subs and intensive outpatient therapy. Sometimes, I start to worry--what if things go back the way they were? Bf plays with the idea of getting off the Subs now. Then, he says he will stay in them for awhile.

When I start worrying about what he's doing, I ask what is going on with me? What important thing am I avoiding? What in my own life do I need to be focusing on? It goes back to what I can and cannot change. I think I use worrying about him as a diversion for when I should be looking at my own stuff. I don't know if that makes sense.

As you know, regarding your AH's recovery, he has a path he needs to follow. I know you want him to figure it out now, but he needs to learn his own lessons. It's hard to watch from a distance, but it's one of those things out of our control.

Thanks for sharing the broken glass story. I have a hard head, too!

It makes a lot of sense. Thank you for sharing your insight.

I saw that movie years ago and haven't given it much thought over the years. I was shocked when it popped into my head. I actually had to google it to make sure I had the right movie. I am just glad some of you saw the movie to understand what I was taking about, lol.