Thoughts?
 

I have the opportunity to provide testimony that could increase my addict wife’s chances to be released from jail and returned home. She has told me that she will tell me if she relapses and will turn over her credit and debit cards so we don’t go under and will seek help.

Thoughts?

well, last time I replied you took affront, but my suggestion would be to take away all account access privileges first, have her go directly from jail to treatment, and have the stipulation that she maintain some type of aftercare on a regular ongoing basis. she blew it last time. and thus needs to demonstrate thru actions over time that she has the humility and willingness to make the best use of yet another chance.

Addiction defies logic as well as honesty! IMO, she is not going to tell you if she relapses until she is caught! She will protect her addiction at all costs.

I, also, agree with Anvil 100%,

I showed up here with some unrealistic expectations and responded inappropriately. I've read the sticky's since and spoken with some in PM and I have a different view now.

I think you need to feel HER out on exactly what SHE means by "seeking help". And figure out what is YOUR expectations on her "seeking help". What has she done in the past in regards to "seeking help" that will be any different this time?

Are you comfortable with the testimony you would be giving?

ShootingStar1

I would stay out of it. I agree with Anvil 120%. Allow to take responsibility for her actions and allow her the dignity of planning her own recovery and life an telling the Judge what she has come up with. That way she is liable to the Court.

And, of course N) debit or charge cards.

Are you going to Alanon or Naranon and/or doing some one on one counseling with a therapist that specializes in addiction?

What she told you is just more QUACKING and she is saying what they all say when in jail. They will say anything they think the other person wants to hear, just to get out.

Sit back and watch her ACTIONS, do not listen to her words, and please do not allow her back into your home at this time. She needs things that you cannot give her and should not even attempt to give her, She needs to WANT recovery and be willing to go into inpatient treatment or at the least go into a 'sober living environment home', and an outpatient recovery way so that at the SLE she can learn from others that are sober and clean how to live life without drugs and/or alcohol.

You can work on you, and live the program you would hope she can live.

This is just my es&h based on my own experiences.

Love and hugs,

The first time my son went to jail, he promised if I would bail him out, he would do anything I asked him to, stop using, go to meetings every day and turn his life around for once and for all. He asked through tears and was very convincing so I weakened, bailed him out and we were not even home yet when he headed off to get his drugs.

Their promises may be sincere at the time but they can't even keep promises to themselves, let alone us.

I agree 100% with Anvil, or a just plain "no thanks" answer if you don't want to force her into treatment.

Good luck with this, it's hard to let our addicted loved ones fall.

Hugs

I would stay out of it and let her feel the full weight of the consequences of her actions. If she gets out of jail early it should be because she demonstrated she is a changed person, not because you came in and saved the day by giving testimony.

I also wouldn't do anything to speed up the process of her getting out into the real world. In jail she is safe, has a better chance of staying sober, and has a routine she has to stick to. If she gets out, well all hell can go loose. I wouldn't put any weight on any of her promises until you saw some action from her.

I would allow her life to fall into place based on her actions not yours (helping her get out by giving testimony). We are all responsible for our own lives and right now, it is more important that you take care of yourself and get to a good emotional point. If she got out early there is also a big chance that she will bring you down with her emotionally and physically if she goes back to using or ends up sucking you dry financially.

Do what is best for you. Don't make any decisions based on making her life easier because in the end the easier her consequences go away, the higher the chance she does the same thing again.

I just read your post where in the comments you explained why your wife is back in jail and I just wanted to say forget my comment above because after reading the story I think this is a different situation. (I should have read the other post first before giving a response, sorry).

You're wife came home at a bad time and wasn't prepared for handling life under those not usual conditions. I am a recovered heroin addict and I know that 3 close deaths in that short of a time would really test me and I haven't been away from society for a very extended period of time. In fact, she handled it extremely well and set up help for herself. I would def. give the testimony, expecially based on how she did all the right things after using.

Do what you feel is right, but I just wanted to make sure I wrote a response that more accurately speaks to your situation. Normally I would give the advice I wrote in my first comment, but this is not a usual situation.

I hope everything works out

I think it depends on whether the testimony you could potentially give would be truthful, for one thing. And whether she is going directly from jail to inpatient treatment would be another.

If she is to succeed on parole she needs to give this every ounce of effort in her being. I worked in law enforcement for many years, and I've often seen addicts who want "one more chance" fail when they went home rather than directly to treatment. You can't fix her, and after being incarcerated most of her life a structured environment, like a sober living facility, might be what she needs to adjust to a life of freedom.

The deaths in the family obviously are unfortunate, but tragedies will happen in everyone's life. Circumstances don't make anyone drink, or use--the addiction is what causes that. If she does not get a very strong foothold in recovery now, she stands a good chance of blowing it again, maybe with disastrous consequences.

Hello, my AS is in jail (third time!) and his case is proceeding to a preliminary trial. His current charges are under the influence of controlled substance and theft, normally both are misdemeanors but due to the burglary on his record (when he stole from us in 2012) the DA is pressing hard. I have told him that if my testimony would help him to get out and go to rehab, I would do that. Our situation is such that his previous two crimes are both out of stealing from us, not from stores or other people. At this point for my son, jail isn't doing any good. He MUST find his way in the real world. It is totally up to him when he gets out and my extent of support is a ride to rehab and a kiss and hug while wishing him the best. I would help him get out but only to allow him the chance to choose rehab. Now this will be his third attempt to seek help (second one was a total bust). All I know is I will never give up HOPE and I will learn from the mistakes and past we have made trying to control him and the outcome.