I love this guy
 

I had a chance to see him at a NA convention and although he is a comedian, he has a powerful message as well. I absolutely loved this man and would encourage anyone to see his show!

Just wanted to share this because it gave me great insight to addiction and recovery from a RAs point of view!


Perfectly Broken

by MARK LUNDHOLM on 22. FEB, 2010 in ALL IN THE JOURNEY MAGAZINE, DOIN' MY BEST

I have a chemically challenged anatomy, a drug resistant soul and a penchant for guessing incorrectly when it comes to the betterment of others… and I talk to myself as well. Because I am terminally self-centered, there are certain symptoms I display: I am spiritually ********, emotionally invisible, financially irresponsible, socially phobic and almost pathological when it comes to lying. And that “almost”? That is my saving grace! See, there is a slim window of truth I gaze through every morning I wake up. It is the slightest chance that, even with my character defects, broken moral compass and natural ability to sabotage success, I can adjust my perception, manipulate my attitude and walk in the light of health, happiness and hope. I am a recovering drug addict; a product of incarceration, information, education and transformation. These have given me an umpteenth opportunity to avoid ending up in the morgue hopeless, helpless, ruthless, and toothless. I am alive and well. Doesn’t seem fair.

If life was fair, I would have been doing forever in prison or buried in my own filth in some alley right now. Fortunately, life is not fair and that simple slice of grace has allowed me more time to discover the truth about a disease that has plagued mankind since the very first cry of a newborn child. Addiction can walk safely among us because it will disguise itself as confidence or focus or passion or persistence. Beautiful words for a brutal condition. In truth, addiction is energy without grace. It is a boundless force of nature that erodes the human heart, wisdom and humility that balanced people seem to use to avoid becoming a willing participant in a lifestyle that says “Me first, second, last and always! You?… Never!”

Most people have a credo of live and let live or follow the golden rule. Most. The rest of us confuse tools that become weapons and the irresistible arrogance of imagining we can out-think a physical disease. Hint: try using willpower, IQ or spirituality to stop diarrhea! Some things in life you just have to surrender to, adjust to, just to survive. I am no longer the willing victim I was in my addiction days of cocaine, speed, alcohol and other clever chemical pursuits. I have been taught by other recovering individuals that addiction to anything… money, power, work, smoking, food, golf, computers, sex, shopping… is treatable. I have been liberated by the knowledge that my liabilities as a practicing addict can now become finely tuned assets that allow me to deftly navigate the foreign terrain of relationships, employment, success and excellence. I am allowed on a daily basis to make a 180 degree rotation toward health even though my primary nature is flawed and my first thought is always wrong. That is my heritage, not my legacy. “First thought wrong” say relapse, dabble, delay, decay, dissolve, destroy and disappear. My second thought (or tenth if I am off my game that day) is “What?! Again? How has that worked for you in the past? Yeah, that’s what I thought!”

Oh, I still talk to myself. But these days I do it when no one else is around AND I have deeper, lengthier, healthier discussions. Energy with a little grace.

His wife is also a RA and spent time in jail. The joke in their home is not who was more clean time but who did more prison time. She wins so she is the boss, lol.

He's a very dynamic speaker/writer.

But in my own recovery--sorry to dampen the mood a little--I have learned that words are just words. That a man can be on the lecture circuit and bring people to tears and evoke standing ovations and yet still treat people in his life in brutal fashion.

I used to love language like this man uses. But now I read it, and pull away a bit.

I just don't trust the words of any addict, recovering or otherwise, unless I experience personally their humility and grace necessary to reverse the self-seeking and grandiosity so common to addicts. I always listen to what they have to say on TV and in books, but because I know that the mask can be so skillfully worn, I never completely believe what I hear or see.

That's how a relationship with one of the most eloquent and unstable drug addicts changed me. I always trusted. Now....hardly ever.

It doesn't dampen the mood,EG---it augments it.

I,like you,find words hollow.Look at the totality of a person's life
and the truth is there for all to see.If someone is mislead by someone's
words---it is because they refuse to use their eyes.

AKA...."You say you are a highly successful surgeon.....and you live
in this dump?"

It's not rude,it's real. You are God's gift to women? A real catch?
So why did all those exes throw you back? Any woman with a brain would
hold on to that for as many decades as she could.

The truth is always there to see.Life cannot be faked for the long
term.It is that so many WISH to be deceived.WANT to believe.

The daddy-daughter thing comes to mind.Daughter brings home SUPER
guy who has the world by the tail----effortlessly.

Dad (me)...cuts through the BS in short order.Give me a few minutes on
Google and it can be easily established if he's a winner---or just some guy
who empties bedpans at some convalescent home.There are alot of "astronauts"
out there......many of them 40+ and living in Mom's basement!

It's not 'cuz Dad's are mean----it's because they KNOW life
plays for keeps.......and they don't want their daughters HURT.

Words can uplift,they can help---or they can hurt.But at the end of the
day they are only words.The day I chose to look the other way,ignore reality,
hence allowing this addictive disease enter my perimeter---is a day I'll always regret,
and one whose "cost" is reflected in my 700+ posts.

But make no mistake.I chose.The character defect was found not in her
words--but rather in MY decision to ignore what I knew to be true.

(((Vale)))

Had you not met "her" - you would not have sought out God. As painful as she was to your life, I, for one, am glad she came in it. I know there was a plan and a reason for it.

There are many valuable lessons to be learned in life. Some I wouldn't wish on anyone, but the lessons can make us stronger, weaker, more compassionate or more cynical. The choice is ours. I pray you continue to feed your spirit with faith.

I hope I do not come across as too "preachy."

But make no mistake.I chose.The character defect was found not in her
words--but rather in MY decision to ignore what I knew to be true.[/

Me too Vale!

Thank you, EnglishGarden and Vale, for your posts. I also CHOSE to believe someone's WORDS over their ACTIONS, and here I am now, trying to pick up the pieces and move on. So many people have said to me, but words are just words and his actions weren't matching up, and they're right. But as Vale said, I wanted to believe those words. And as EG said, going forward, I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust a person's words (and ESPECIALLY the words of an addict!!) over their actions ever again. As LMN said, yes, I learned a valuable lesson in life.....but oh BOY was it a PAINFUL one!!!

Well I do not know the man personally but he has great reputation for being genuine and kind. I can only hope it's all true. But regardless, he is very funny without all of profanity, he can laugh at himself and still send a great message about recovery.

================================================== =
Not preachy at all,LMN.I have learned a great deal from you----
(as well as so many others on SR).....to ALL of whom I am truly
grateful.

My Dad got drafted straight out of college in '55.
(He hated it at the time!).I was confused why he spoke so glowingly of the
experience in later years.

He answered;the Army breaks men from being the natural brats
they are.I always liked that answer.

I have been fortunate enough for 3 lifetimes.But success never
taught me a damn thing.The times I treasure were the tough
and uncertain times, when I wasn't AT ALL sure things would go my way.

Make no mistake,LMN.I've had it tooooo easy for WAYYY too long.
This thing knocked me on my a**,shook me to my core,and yes,even
brought me back to God.

I am left with humility,renewed appreciation,and gratitude
for the experience.The outcome was not my call to make.Wisdom
consists mostly of graciously accepting the will of the Almighty,
even as you lick your wounds,nurse the bruises on your a**
(that you got when knocked on it).

(I'm not even gonna mention wasting bandwidth with
700+ posts of codependent quacking!) ;)

Am I glad it happened? I dunno.I learned alot.
The bruises on my butt will heal.
The wisdom (I hope) will last a little longer.