kthopkt

I have been posting on here quite regulary a/b my brother & his meth use. He was released from prison in October 2010 after serving 18 months & now he is facing prison time again. When he was released from prison he was a changed person but that is another long story. He began using bath salts 3 months after being released & then once those became illegal, he started his meth again. He stole to support his habit & is now facing up to 18 months in prison again.

I don't have any real reason for posting other than to vent. The whole situation sucks & I just pray that my brother lives long enough for us to once again have a relationship.

I hope there are happy endings for some of us on this forum. If anyone has an uplifting story they can tell, it would be very much appreciated. I don't ever want to loose hope!

AnvilheadII

sigh...i'm sorry...i'm convinced that some people just do better in a controlled environment, even if that IS prison. my BIL has been locked up for geez, 4 years now? think he's in for another 1 or 2? seems to be thriving actually...has someone to tell him when to get up, what to wear, when to eat, what to eat, where to go, what to do, when to do it, how long to do it, when to bathe, and when to go to bed. left to his own devices he always f'd that up.

Justfor1

okpt, the part about going "back to prison" really hit home. I have a family member who has been in & out of prison his entire life. He admits he is a addict & simply refuses to even want to stop. He is more comfortable in the prison environment than outside in the real world. Instead of co-workers he has fellow inmates. The police once told my Aunt he is safer in prison & belongs in prison. He resorts to robbing drug dealers & becomes a target on the street. I guess my point is that going to prison the first time can be scary. However, the second, third and 7th time it becomes routine & eventually a way of life.

Ann

My prayers go out for your brother, that he uses this experience to find a better path.

And more prayers for you, it's very had to watch a loved one self-destruct.

Hugs

Vale

Before I came to SR,I thought that prison was the worst thing that could happen
to a person.I don't feel that anymore.
Being on the street,subject to the 'lord of the flies' environment---where the
lowest scum on Earth gets to be judge,jury,and executioner---IS the worst thing.
I agree with Anvil,sometimes a controlled environ is better.And it is FAR better
for their loved ones---who don't have to imagine them losing their dignity 10 times
a day for the privilege of living like an animal in a slaughterhouse.

Kindeyes

I'm so sorry to hear that your brother relapsed and is now facing more prison time. You specifically asked for some uplifting input......

A guy I know was deep (really really deep) into the world of drugs. I'm not going to tell his whole story because it is not my story to tell but the crux of it is he spent five years in prison. He got clean there. He got out and stayed clean (I think it's around 17 years clean now). He now works diligently to help other addicts who want to get clean. He is an interventionist.

We never know how the future is going to unfold on this journey we call life.

You and your dear brother will be in my prayers.

Take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke

gfwhoneverknew

I just wanted to tell u that ur story touched my heart for what its worth! Every action in this life causes a reaction in your own life or someone elses... and ur words may help me! My ad bf has been sentenced to same time....he's almost done and I'm completley in love!!! Never had a man like this minus his drug use!! He too stole to support his use and that's why he's in! He hid it all from me and Ionly knew he used pot. Got arrested and I lost my bestfriend that fast!!! Anyways, my whole dilemma right now is....when he gets out, will I lose him again to drugs and jail! I see from ur story its SO POSSIBLE now! Sry to vent but it really touched home. I unlike some were saying am afraid of him using in jail or pris. Cause its so prevalent inthere and I'm scared he is using in there now and hiding it again! Hope not but ill never know....when ur brother was in, do u think he was clean?? Pss when my bf was out of jail for petty thing earlier in life, he too got back on drugs few months after getting out.

kthopkt

Thanks Kindeyes for your post; I know that change is possible.

Gfwhoneverknew: My brother admitted to me that he used once while in prison. When he first went in our mother was still alive & my brother was getting $50-$100/month from her. But after she passed, no one sent him any money. I think things really changed from that moment on. He may have been using on a regular basis but I really don't know. If your ad bf doesn't have any money coming in, I don't think he would have as much of an opportunity to use while in. Do you send him money?

gfwhoneverknew

Thx for responding!! Absolutely NOT! No money nor does he ask me!I'm now close w his mom who is fedup beyond beleif dealin for ten yrs of him first as a teen and now in late twenties (last few yrs itsoxys but his Mom says she's never heard him sound so changed before so she's hoping this prison woke him up but it makes my stomack SICK to think all the things he's done to his body but Iknow its a reality! When I tell him I'm feelin he's using he says he doesn't even smoke the fake weed they offer him but its like a gut feeling ya know? Ps I DO pay to talk to him.....2bucks a call but that's my decision....pss...he did say he'd have to have money sent to him inorder to be doin the drugs I'm accusing him of doin and I know neither me nor his mom have sent him a red cent in ten months! Do Istop accusing him etc??

laurie6781

Yes, prison can be the 'turning point' for some and for others it becomes their 'safe haven'.

A prime example of the latter is a fellow that I first got to know while living on the streets of Hollyweird. A few months after I found recovery I saw tony in some meetings and we would talk a bit. Then he disappeared for almost 2 years, came back to meetings with over 2 years in recovery as he had been in prison. Lasted another 6 months, then he went back out and ended up back in prison for another 18 months.

Rinse and repeat. This has been going on now for over 30 years. He states that prison is the only place he feels 'safe' and has someone to 'guide' his day 24/7. He has in essence become 'institutionalized.

Then there is this other fellow, I met in recovery. I had maybe 6 moths and he had 9 years. As I got to know him, I got to know his story. He was in prison, in CA on death row, when the Supreme Court put a 'hold' of sorts (actually cancelled them) all sentences for 'death. And because of what he had been doing in the prison as far as 'recovery meetings', working with other prisoners on their recovery, the governor was petitioned and Sonny's sentenced was eradicated and he was released.

He has become fairly well known over the years in the recovery community. He talks about the time a Nebraska state police officer had him on the ground and a gun pointed at Sonny's head and said "give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you now."

Sonny changed his whole life around in recovery. Was able to acquire some land and built a ranch for young people to 'catch' them before they 'turned' so to speak. Has many supporters to this day. Many volunteers and paid personal helping these youngsters.

He had a stroke a few years ago, bad enough to put him in a wheel chair, but he is like the 'energizer bunny' and just "keeps on going".

Oh and yes, he was a very bad ass biker before he found recovery.

There are also many on this site and again many on the Friends and Familys forums that are 'double winners' as in found recovery from alcohol and/or drugs, and have also worked very hard on our codependence issues.

So, of course, there is hope. There is always hope!

Love and hugs,

JenEss

Sometimes jail is not the worst thing that can happen to a person. It can even save lives.
A few years ago, I was in jail for a little while and then went back again for thirteen months. I robbed a pharmacy and if the cops wouldn't have kicked my door in when they did and have an ambulance transfer me to the hospital, I'd be dead from an overdose. And if by some miracle, I would've survived the overdose, I know I would've died shortly thereafter.
I am clean and sober now and in recovery.

gfwhoneverknew

Thx Jeness for sharing ur story! U give me hope my adbf can change like he's saying he has! He does also always say he is still changing and has more to do but I'm so scared he's using in there from lil stories he gives me on calls that i then can put.together and he has to be hiding things from me in there....his use. Says he's not even smokin the fake weed when the dudes ask him and was even gonna put some of his buddies the phone to confirm...when he's not aloud to give them the phone from there. Should Istop accusing him and just wait to see how he is few mos when he's out? I'm askin u cuz ur in recovery and prob. Have lied b4...how do I know if he's lying when he promises he's not and he's changed in there? Ps saw him few mos ago and he looked healthy.

JenEss

I don't think you can know if he's lying. For me, it's my actions that people believe, not my words. Obviously I was a massive liar, I'm a drug addict, it goes with the territory.
You have no way of knowing until you see him out in the community again. See if his actions match his words.
Just a suggestion, but maybe try not to accuse him of anything. Jail is a stressful environment, and he's likely to do better upon release if he knows he has your support and doesn't fear being accused of anything. I know how hard it is to just have faith and believe what he says, because our past behaviour kind of predicts our future behaviour. Maybe jail has been his wake up call.
When you're in doubt, maybe try voicing your concerns here or to your friends before having a heated discussion with him.

I wish you all the best, and I hope he does well!!

gfwhoneverknew

Thx Jeness! He def. Knows he has my support I even helped shave off some of his time by calling courts etc! He says I'm best thing that ever happened to him and that IDO believe lol. He knows when Isay its hard trustin him n I'm scared he's using, that this is all hard on me...we don't have angry fights etc..and he other day said he knows he mad this bed and has to deal w my questions distrust etc and wants to prove how's he's changed! He said few times to me...ull see when Iget out in a few days how I've changed. He said he wants to spend time w just me and the old him he said would wana link up w his old homie dudes to get high! he also said he doesn't want to go back in his old neighborhood quickly to see family cuz he knows it not good for him....so the confusion is Ilove him to pieces but still don't trust him. Its like watchin a movie w the most beautiful actor...he's gorgeous btw..lol and u hear him but the closed captions are at the bottom saying "liar liar liar" but sometimes they're not there and all is a perfect movie scene??? Get it? Oh geez sry for venting so much

JenEss

Well that sounds really hopeful that he's putting all these precautions in place and planning the way he is.
Stay positive!!

gfwhoneverknew

Okay but what's hard is how he responds...not really emphatic like he used to before....he had been two lives w me the whole time before he got arrested and told his mom he's so glad I. Know.everything so he doesn't have to do that anymore....hide his life..drug addiction. But I'm used to his reactions obviousely when he lied so now...his reactions are more tame so it make me wonder how authentic he is?? Jeness...if he is using and lying and thinks when he's out then he will try n change is this okay?? I've. Already said he's in prison and surrounded by addicts so why wouldn't he use.

gfwhoneverknew

Guess I'm doin worst case scenario to see what u, a recovering addict think??

JenEss

I think you should try and stay positive.
Not lying and using drugs anymore changes the person you are A LOT.
Maybe you're just not used to your boyfriend being honest. Also, he's not high, so that could have a lot to do with it as well.
When he was lying, he had to be empathetic to be convincing. Now if he's telling the truth, he's just going to tell you how it is, he might feel he doesn't need to convince you because he's being honest..

bryangt

I had to do 3 months for 3rd DUI, and jail is a place I vow to never return to. However, there were those who seemed to have had it better in there as on the outside, they had to steal, rob & hide to survive on the streets, mostly due to their addiction. Incarceration works for some, but not for others. Maybe if there is a drug & alcohol program at the jail/prison, which most have, that may be a good place for him to start. I hope & pray your brother can grow beyond his addiction and get on the right path.

Vale

JenEss,

We are moved by your candor and character.There are not many with the courage
to post what you have.I can only hope society can do it's part and allow you to
bring whatever special gifts you can to the world.Please do not be swayed by the
low,the unaccomplished,and the petty.We both know that it is their mission plan
to dog you with your past.Ignore them.

It is my belief that the untested will always envy the tested.When you have been
through as many gauntlets as you have---it is already proven who will survive and
who will attrite.

Your message of recovery is a big fat log thrown on the warming campfire of SR.
We're glad those cops kicked in your door---and are sad for those who died
alone behind closed doors.