Supporting recovery?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Canton, Ohio
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Supporting recovery?
I am new to addiction. My bf is great but I recently found out he is in recovery. How do I help but keep my eyes open since I don't understand it? I don't want to run away but I am kinda dreaming what this all will bring.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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I am uninformed about his addiction
I don't know what his drug of choice was other than he is currently on suboxone and I think he was on prescription pills. He has not told me anything - this is stuff I have figured on my own. It's not like he is totally secretive, just that he hasn't discussed anything with me and I don't want to push I want him to tell me in his own time. He has told me he has a monthly doctors appt and he gets meds. I see him take the film in the mornings but never have I asked about it. Once he left his prescription bag laying on his dresser for days and I looked to see what it was and I looked up what suboxone was. I knew it was something but I can't help but feel bad because I looked it up. Should I feel bad? I do now that he either sold or gave a friend of his 10 of the films. I thought "oh maybe he is helping an addict friend out who can't get any" but I think that is dumb thinking. This friend gave him a small bag of weed and proposed an opportunity to "sell" this stuff. I told him I love him but if he felt the need to do that - I wouldn't be around. That is not something I want involved in or around. He said he thought about it and is not going to do it because it's a short time fix to a long problem (financial). I also told him I don't condone smoking but I don't know if he heard that and I don't know if he does it. He once told me as he was talking about a friend who is clean that he encouraged his friend to stay clean because once an addict you can't do anything because you think you can control it but you can. He did mention mentoring a young kid too. I don't know anything else... I really don't. And not sure if I should just ask him or broach the subject or if that is bad. I just want to be informed and understand. Can't help but think shoot if I ever get prescribed pain killers, do I need to hide them? I don't know what warning signs are or not. Someone told me you should only be on suboxone for a short time and it's addicting. I know he take 2.5 a day but I don't know how long he has been on it. I know he worries about me because I had a rental car and he found a pill of some kind in it and he asked me if it was mine. Recently he saw me taking meds and asked what I was doing. I take a blood pressure med and an anti-depressant and a multivitamin. I don't even like taking tylenol when I have a headache so I can't help but wonder if he thinks I may be into what he is or is that normal? He also has told me his ex who is his kids mother, is a drug addict. She is incarcerated right now but when she gets out - do I need to worry? I am sorry for all the questions, I just am feeling clueless on all this and unclear on what my boundries are. We have only been dating four months but it's serious. Well until I found this out and I am wondering what am I getting myself into.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 154
Well I can totally understand your concerns. My boyfriend and I weren't even together before he told me about his drug addiction. His drug of choice is oxy. We had known each other about 1 month before he told me about him being an addict and told me everything I wanted to know. I think that it's something you should be informed of and involved with because you are apart of his life. To me. It seems a bit off. Look read this. It's something I read and always keep in the back of my mind.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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What Addicts Do My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you. My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you. My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action. And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again. Stop being surprised. I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Mareahh?
You think something is off that he hasn't told me anything? It's not like he has hid it. He has told me enough I have figured it out like he goes to a doctor once a month and he gets meds. That he takes 2.5 a day and needs them. I know he gave or sold a friend of his ten of his - is this something I need to worry about? Can you deal them for people to get high on?
He told me he is a sponsor to a young kid. I also know that goes to a recovery place for this monthly dr meeting.
Just not sure what to think since he hasn't told me outright. I was pissed this weekend because his house was full of his family and someone mentioned something from his past I wasn't aware of and it shocked me. I was pissed I think because I was the only person there that probably didn't know and I hate that... but do I have a right to be upset?
He told me he is a sponsor to a young kid. I also know that goes to a recovery place for this monthly dr meeting.
Just not sure what to think since he hasn't told me outright. I was pissed this weekend because his house was full of his family and someone mentioned something from his past I wasn't aware of and it shocked me. I was pissed I think because I was the only person there that probably didn't know and I hate that... but do I have a right to be upset?
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Hi Believer2 and Welcome to the Sober Recovery Forum. You are in the right place to get the information you are seeking.
Start by reading the stickies at the top of this forum. There's some very helpful information there.
My personal belief is that recovery includes these factors:
The person faced that they have a problem with drugs/alcohol.
They seek a solution that includes refraining from all drug and alcohol use.
They do not willingly interact with people that engage in substance abuse - including marijauna.
They are honest and open about their struggle with others that they bring into their lives, especially intimate partners.
Please read this knowing that I've been through hell with several addicts including a family member and one very short term boyfriend, but I also that have a brother in recovery who I believe will make a great partner to the right person. You wouldn't even get through a second date without him explaining his background. He puts it on the table immediately because it's important part of him. This guy you are dating does not meet my own personal definition of a recovering addict. Yes, I personally would be afraid. Frankly, I'd run far away from him without looking back. He's got major red flags.
That's my own solution, not necessarily what is right for you.
Please stick around, keep reading and posting and the awesome group here will help you figure it all out.
Peace,
Hanna
Start by reading the stickies at the top of this forum. There's some very helpful information there.
My personal belief is that recovery includes these factors:
The person faced that they have a problem with drugs/alcohol.
They seek a solution that includes refraining from all drug and alcohol use.
They do not willingly interact with people that engage in substance abuse - including marijauna.
They are honest and open about their struggle with others that they bring into their lives, especially intimate partners.
Please read this knowing that I've been through hell with several addicts including a family member and one very short term boyfriend, but I also that have a brother in recovery who I believe will make a great partner to the right person. You wouldn't even get through a second date without him explaining his background. He puts it on the table immediately because it's important part of him. This guy you are dating does not meet my own personal definition of a recovering addict. Yes, I personally would be afraid. Frankly, I'd run far away from him without looking back. He's got major red flags.
That's my own solution, not necessarily what is right for you.
Please stick around, keep reading and posting and the awesome group here will help you figure it all out.
Peace,
Hanna
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I know he gave or sold a friend of his ten of his - is this something I need to worry about? Can you deal them for people to get high on?
that, my dear, is what we call a RED FLAG (warning flag). first off, he has a prescribed amount of meds, to take at regularly scheduled intervals, for HIM...it does not say on the bottle "may be to sold or traded to friends as needed." second, yes you can get high on them. you mentioned in your other post something about trading for weed. that would be another RED FLAG. and you also mentioned how interested HE was in what kind of pills YOU take. collect another RED FLAG.
even if he did everything by the book, at some point he would need to come off the subs. and many an addict will tell you that was harder than getting off the dope. in fact we have a section here in the Drug Addiction forum above specially for suboxone/methadone maintenance or detox. you might want to wander over there and read the first ten threads or so to get an idea of what that is like for addicts.
that, my dear, is what we call a RED FLAG (warning flag). first off, he has a prescribed amount of meds, to take at regularly scheduled intervals, for HIM...it does not say on the bottle "may be to sold or traded to friends as needed." second, yes you can get high on them. you mentioned in your other post something about trading for weed. that would be another RED FLAG. and you also mentioned how interested HE was in what kind of pills YOU take. collect another RED FLAG.
even if he did everything by the book, at some point he would need to come off the subs. and many an addict will tell you that was harder than getting off the dope. in fact we have a section here in the Drug Addiction forum above specially for suboxone/methadone maintenance or detox. you might want to wander over there and read the first ten threads or so to get an idea of what that is like for addicts.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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[QUOTE="AnvilheadII;3884302"]I know he gave or sold a friend of his ten of his - is this something I need to worry about? Can you deal them for people to get high on?
that, my dear, is what we call a RED FLAG (warning flag). first off, he has a prescribed amount of meds, to take at regularly scheduled intervals, for HIM...it does not say on the bottle "may be to sold or traded to friends as needed." second, yes you can get high on them. you mentioned in your other post something about trading for weed. that would be another RED FLAG. and you also mentioned how interested HE was in what kind of pills YOU take. collect another RED FLAG.
WELL SAID!!
I'm glad you said it cuz I was a little scared to. But I fully agree!
that, my dear, is what we call a RED FLAG (warning flag). first off, he has a prescribed amount of meds, to take at regularly scheduled intervals, for HIM...it does not say on the bottle "may be to sold or traded to friends as needed." second, yes you can get high on them. you mentioned in your other post something about trading for weed. that would be another RED FLAG. and you also mentioned how interested HE was in what kind of pills YOU take. collect another RED FLAG.
WELL SAID!!
I'm glad you said it cuz I was a little scared to. But I fully agree!
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Anvil
This is what i need to hear.. Yes there are red flags but since I don't understand addiction, never have been in this situation and I tend to believe the best in people, I don't know they are red flags. I know they didn't feel right to me but I tend to be paranoid by nature so I wasn't sure if I was trying to find a problem so I had an excuse to "run".
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Mareahh
Don't be scared.. if I didn't want to hear the truth, I would have never come here asking for help. I would have acted like I knew nothing and being blissfully ignorant but that isn't me. Not that I am not sad that I know there is truth to what you are saying. I don't want to end things with him but you are right.. red flags are red flags. Ignoring them hasn't worked out well for me in the past so I won't do it this time either.
I think I owe him enough resepect to talk to him about it though.. just lay it out there and ask him facts since really I don't know 100% of everything and than I will go from there. If he sold them to his friend for sure - I am not okay with that... All I know is he was checking the calendar to see how much meds he had left before he went back to the doc and then in the car he called his friend and said he had 10 more for him. and we stopped at this person's house and he went in - I wasn't comfortable with that then and I said nothing which I realize it was a mistake. I need to say what I feel and be willing to walk away... so thanks for saying what you are saying.
I think I owe him enough resepect to talk to him about it though.. just lay it out there and ask him facts since really I don't know 100% of everything and than I will go from there. If he sold them to his friend for sure - I am not okay with that... All I know is he was checking the calendar to see how much meds he had left before he went back to the doc and then in the car he called his friend and said he had 10 more for him. and we stopped at this person's house and he went in - I wasn't comfortable with that then and I said nothing which I realize it was a mistake. I need to say what I feel and be willing to walk away... so thanks for saying what you are saying.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 154
You shouldn't need an excuse to run. If you wanna leave. Then leave. You're a grown woman. Addiction is hard. I work with addicts. My boyfriend is a recovering addict. I see it every day. Good luck to you. They're are success stories so don't think it is all negative and can't be beat because it can.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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I am not trying to judge you here but 4 months into a relationship and you are already living with someone you really know nothing about just isn’t healthy or safe for you.
Does this guy work?
How does he support his suboxone meds, they are very expensive. And if he has enough to sell or trade for pot best guess is he’s using opiates again.
You mention the mother of his children is in jail, how old are his children and where are they?
Does this guy work?
How does he support his suboxone meds, they are very expensive. And if he has enough to sell or trade for pot best guess is he’s using opiates again.
You mention the mother of his children is in jail, how old are his children and where are they?
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All I know is he was checking the calendar to see how much meds he had left before he went back to the doc and then in the car he called his friend and said he had 10 more for him. and we stopped at this person's house and he went in
that my dear was a drug deal. plain and simple. and you got to ride shotgun.
that my dear was a drug deal. plain and simple. and you got to ride shotgun.
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don't want to run
I don't want to run.. but what I do in every relationship is look for something wrong so I can rationalize me leaving if that makes sense. That is all I meant by that. I have been divorced for two years... this is the first relationship I have been in since. My marriage was bad but I the relationships before my marriage I always seemed to "find" something wrong.
Anyway I am in a place in my life where I want a healthy long term relationshipo and this guy really treats me better than anyone has. He has almost every quality in a person that I want in a man. Maybe that is why this is so shocking and sad to me. Trust me I don't NEED a man... and if I chose to leave, I will figure out a way to be okay.
Anyway I am in a place in my life where I want a healthy long term relationshipo and this guy really treats me better than anyone has. He has almost every quality in a person that I want in a man. Maybe that is why this is so shocking and sad to me. Trust me I don't NEED a man... and if I chose to leave, I will figure out a way to be okay.
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I don't live with him... and that is something that if we decided to do would be a long long way off. Yes he works full time and goes to school. He actually just opened his own business. He has custody of his 14 and 12 full time and has for a while. He has told me he knows he made some bad choices but his kids are important to him and he loves them and is strict with them. So yeah I think maybe you are judging me a little but that is okay. I can't give you all the full picture in a few posts. I applaud him - he is trying to get his life together and I see that.. but I also don't know the dark side of things so that is why I came here.
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Maybe that is why this is so shocking and sad to me. Trust me I don't NEED a man... and if I chose to leave, I will figure out a way to be okay.
Yes, you will be okay. More than okay.
Beth
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I am feeling really beat down by all these threads.. I literally feel like crying. Please you guys don't know me or my whole situation. Of course reading back on things I sold you all on the bad.. there is a ton more good. My dilemma is not know if I am being stupid for trying to understand his addiction and sticking by him. God knows if I was in trouble with something, without someone believing in me, I would have a harder time getting out of my hole. That is just how I am though, I am more motivated by knowing there are people that care about me, for me it's easier to fall into a hole further if I didn't feel I had any love and support. Yes I know if I needed to fix myself, I need to love myself and do it myself but I think everyone needs a little hope, a little hand up. I am religious but I won't get into that here, not the place, but I do believe that we enter people's life for a reason. I don't know how else to explain to you that I am not a stupid person... but I am in love with someone who I just found out is an addiction and I guess I was wanting to know if there is any hope for him.. any hope for him to over come this. Cause if not, than I need to make an educated decision to leave. I don't want to leave and have regrets if I don't know all the risks and rewards.
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