The Love Dare Challenge!!
 

So my husband wants to do The Love Dare! I was really anxious it would trigger my codieness but my therapist loved the idea. She said she thinks it a great way to learn how to love in a healthy way again with or for anyone!

This should be interesting! Lol

Also, I wanted to share this as I found it very insightful and maybe it can help others. When I get angry with my husband, I have unknowingly been withholding love for him which in turn triggers him....and then we off to the races for a day or two. A small disagreement can take on a life of its own. I am realizing I still have a lot of work to do on my resentments and here I thought I came a long way. :gaah.

Does it ever end? Lol

so what is this Love Dare thingie? never heard of it.

here's the smidge I know....about relationships...each person has to be accepted and embraced AS THEY ARE...warts and all. and committed to the other person. I really only get "mad" at hank when he doesn't do some THING I expected him to do (aka drive by mowing incident).

with addiction behind us we can just.....be. right now he's chopping up the flank steak for our fajita dinner. I got the onions minced up and the cheese grated, while he showered, now that he is back to work after a three month layoff. he went back last Thursday...this morning was my first time back on lunch duty and man did I struggle! who knew sandwiches were so difficult.

we joked, we laughed, he empathized with me having to work late, we commisterated at how sore he is just being back on the job, lifting heavy things (masonry). he mentioned that with us not married people (even tho I call him my husband...I'm 52 and too old for a boyfriend!?) - that when he retires or just can't do his job anymore, his insurance will expire and unless we claim as "domestic partners" I can't add him to my insurance unless we are married.

I asked him...so was that a proposal? LOL he said not yet!

what is the love dare thingie? I need to know because my AH and I will argue over the ketchup being in the cabinet instead of the fridge and not talk for 3 days. anything to help.

I tried that once with my husband after watching the movie.. I didn't finish.. My efforts were one sided but then again so was the guys efforts in the movie.. I think that's a great tool for a marriage if you are having some issues but when addiction is involved its a whole different animal..

I remember early in my marriage my ex and i going to marriage counselling .. The counsellor looked at us and said I can't help you fix your marriage as long as he is addicted to drugs! And you know he was right...

Curious minds....and a 43 year marriage that isn't on the rocks but could use a nudge...need to know. What IS the Love Dare?

Oh COME ON LMN! Inquiring minds want to know......what is it?

Ok......I couldn't stand it so.....I googled it. After reading it, I realized that my dear husband and I have been doing the Love Dare for 28 years. lol

gentle hugs
ke

The Love Dare is a book. The Love Dare

It is avaiable online as well. http://thelovedarebook.com/love-dare-sample-chapter.pdf

I am sorry for the delay, the d and the n are sticking on my keyboard. Maybe I overused them typing addiction and codependent so many times, lol.

The love dare can be used for any relationship, not just marriages. Also, both people don't need to do it. It doesn't have to be a "we" thing.

I think it's pretty cool that HE suggested this. be interested in updates!

Ditto!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got this book last night, how ironic. A friend's therapist suggested it & I was intrigued in the method. I'm interested to hear what you think of the process..... leafing through it it seems a bit intense & I wonder if it's effective if both parties aren't already in a fairly healthy place personally, first.

My friend is just beginning personal therapy to deal with severe PTSD & is no way capable of giving 100% to a therapy method aimed at working on his marriage so I'm a bit surprised it was suggested; unless it was meant for much farther down the line in his therapy process?

The movie Fireproof is based on the book. Although I thought it had terrible acting and was a low budget film, it was still worth watching.

We have had the books for a while but barely attempted it last year. When I read back at what I wrote in my book, it is now so clear he has in active addiction but I was then so clueless.

I haven't asked because I really don't care but I "assume" somebody suggested or mentioned it to him. I know I vent and share so much of the negative about him because of his addiction, but there is really a LOT of wonderful things about him and our relationship. Trust me, it is not all him all the time. ;)

Lastly, my little boy (4.5 lbs) had 14 teeth and a mass on his front leg removed yesterday. He is so pathetic right now and can be quite the drama king. My vet laughed at his drastic change (crying and whining) when I entered the room and said "Boy, he knows how to get your attention." I laughed and thought to myself - Yes, I even have a codependent relationship with my fur babies. lol

LMN: Thanks for sharing. :) I'm curious, too, and will check it out.

Update....

It's only day 4 but so far.....things have been going awesome.

Yesterday, a very "hot" topic needed to be addressed and we communicated very well. He reminded me that we both needed patience kindness and selflessness. (The first 3 challenges). To my complete shock, he proposed that we both pray about it and then make a decision. What?? Did I hear him correctly?

So, so far...I am really enjoying doing this book and taking the challenge!



Disclaimer: Opinions here are subject to change without notice! :c033:

I loooove that book! It taught me sooo much about myself. I used it when I was going thru a divorce. I really enjoyed the book. It has helped me learn how to love in a healthy way and appreciate people.

My therapist told me her sister did it for here after she (my therapist) lost her husband unexpectedly. She said it was the best gift she ever received!

so that makes 3 books that you Have recommended that I have bought :) lol

Today was day 8. Love is not jealous!

Fortunately, neither my husband or I have ever really been jealous of other people. But it also talked about being jealous of each other and our accomplishments.

The dare was ....We had to acknowledge and share how glad we are about a success we recently enjoyed. (be a cheerleader for your spouse). Now, I really thought we would both acknowledge each other for recovery efforts but surprisingly neither one of us did.

It was interesting and pretty cool to realize my husband noticed things about me that I probably hadn't even noticed. He then shared that he admired and always "envied" how people seem to light up when they see me. He said he really noticed it at Easter Sundays service. Funny thing.....is I never noticed it.

Strange, how others can see positives about our personal qualities and lives that we so take for granted or are too blind to see.

Yesterday, we had to make a list of positive and negative qualities about each other but not to share with each other. I was kind of shocked to acknowledge so many of his positive qualities that I had long forgotten. Later, we bothed laughed at how writing the negatives came so much easier to list.

Of course, addiction changes so much in a relationship but I also think life conditions many of us to be more negative until we realize it and change it.

Great marriage or not, I highly recommend this book! It really bring awareness about ourselves as well.

I have yet to get the Love Dare book, but I can relate to being envious of each other. My bf and I talked about that this weekend while resolving our argument. I am envious that he has been to Europe and seen the wonders of the world as a teenager, while I was stuck at home, and he is envious of my family.

This is such a great thread!
Hugs LMN

Lily. You can look up the love dare challenges online. They are all on theft. But it does help to read the book.