I know we are helpless to change him.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
I know we are helpless to change him.
Okay our 24 year old son has been in and out of rehab since he was 18 years old. This last stint he was clean for 6 months, working at Chick Fila and doing so well. BOOM then he decided to throw the towel in and get high. Fortunately he was found by a roommate slumped over in the bathroom in the middle of the night. Spent 5 days in the hospital with heroin pnuemonia. Released from the hospital and went to another sober recovery facility and lasted not even a week and a half. So he was put out on the street drugging and running out of money.
His dad, my husband, is usually the steady and he caved in last Sunday and said our son could come home long enough to find another place to stay. Meanwhile he came home dope sick...I had some old suboxone from about 9 months back, so I gave him two strips the first two days he was home, but that was all, so he could ease off his withdrawl. He seemed to be doing okay.
All seemed rosey....fooled again!!!
I took him across town to get his paycheck yesterday and he reinstated his car insurance and his phone. Yes and you guessed it today he said he wasn't feeling good and of course he wanted more suboxone. I out right lied to him and told him there was none left. So a whlie later I go downstairs and my husband is standing outside talking to our son on the driveway. The conversation has now turned into he is going to go get drunk.
I pretty much begged him to come inside and work through it and look for an alternative. Of course he explained that he had to do something to make himself feel better. Note: He is taking lithium. UGH!!
My husband told him that if he choose to do that he could not come back to the house and our son said FINE!!
My heart aches but my husband and I know that we have done all we can!! We are sick of being held hostage.
I don't think I will ever understand addiction!
After our son left the house my husband said that he would not be held captive with guilt. My husband reminded me of how our son has always been a rebel, since birth, it is sad but true. He was such a cutie when he was younger but was always pushing the envelope, always wanting his way and usually getting it by being defiant. He is the youngest of 3 boys.
Now he's an adult and he is still wanting his way at any cost to himself and us if we allow it.
So here we sit tonight praying that our son will have the light come back on again. Even thou I believe he is in GOD's hands I feel like
our son is allowing the devil to destroy his life and he does not care.
This is the part I truly struggle with. I know that GOD has given us all a free choice, it is just so sad and hard to see what drugs can do to someone you love.
Being a parent sure can be painful.
I will always pray and hope for our son's recovery.
We keep telling ourselves that we have done all we can do.
I pray that our son has a True Come to Jesus experience!!!
His dad, my husband, is usually the steady and he caved in last Sunday and said our son could come home long enough to find another place to stay. Meanwhile he came home dope sick...I had some old suboxone from about 9 months back, so I gave him two strips the first two days he was home, but that was all, so he could ease off his withdrawl. He seemed to be doing okay.
All seemed rosey....fooled again!!!
I took him across town to get his paycheck yesterday and he reinstated his car insurance and his phone. Yes and you guessed it today he said he wasn't feeling good and of course he wanted more suboxone. I out right lied to him and told him there was none left. So a whlie later I go downstairs and my husband is standing outside talking to our son on the driveway. The conversation has now turned into he is going to go get drunk.
I pretty much begged him to come inside and work through it and look for an alternative. Of course he explained that he had to do something to make himself feel better. Note: He is taking lithium. UGH!!
My husband told him that if he choose to do that he could not come back to the house and our son said FINE!!
My heart aches but my husband and I know that we have done all we can!! We are sick of being held hostage.
I don't think I will ever understand addiction!
After our son left the house my husband said that he would not be held captive with guilt. My husband reminded me of how our son has always been a rebel, since birth, it is sad but true. He was such a cutie when he was younger but was always pushing the envelope, always wanting his way and usually getting it by being defiant. He is the youngest of 3 boys.
Now he's an adult and he is still wanting his way at any cost to himself and us if we allow it.
So here we sit tonight praying that our son will have the light come back on again. Even thou I believe he is in GOD's hands I feel like
our son is allowing the devil to destroy his life and he does not care.
This is the part I truly struggle with. I know that GOD has given us all a free choice, it is just so sad and hard to see what drugs can do to someone you love.
Being a parent sure can be painful.
I will always pray and hope for our son's recovery.
We keep telling ourselves that we have done all we can do.
I pray that our son has a True Come to Jesus experience!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Oh man.....I do understand what you're going through....and it hurts every fiber of a mother's being. It is not easy being the parent of an adult (child) addict.
I'm so sorry that any of us are having to deal with addiction. I really do hate this disease and what it does to our loved ones. But I love my son and I know that you love yours. Most importantly, my son knows I love him.....and your boy knows you love him.
Take care of you and know that there's a lot of other mothers walking this path with you.
gentle hugs
ke
I'm so sorry that any of us are having to deal with addiction. I really do hate this disease and what it does to our loved ones. But I love my son and I know that you love yours. Most importantly, my son knows I love him.....and your boy knows you love him.
Take care of you and know that there's a lot of other mothers walking this path with you.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Hugs to you, Treadingwater. So sorry you are going through this again. What more can you do? Letting go of your influence over HIS choices is hard because we want so much better for our children--we would do anything for them--and yet when parenting an addict, all that normal parents do is actually harmful. He's 24. Very much an adult in the world's view. Probably more like a teenager psychologically, but no one of any importance or influence (cops, judges) would consider him a teenager. It is hard, but you just have to let him go do what he is going to do. He knows what sobriety is like, what recovery means. You and your husband need to do some things for each other and for your selves--take walks, have a lovely meal, take a drive, a bubble bath, go to a concert or a happy/funny movie. Take care of yourselves and let your son's HP deal with him.
Peace and so much sympathy...
Peace and so much sympathy...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Another mama here, offering hugs and understanding.
Yup, it hurts our hearts to have to throw our sons out, but it may kill us if we let them remain.
Just remember, he has options even "out there", he can go to rehab (the Salvation Army Program is free and very good), he can go to detox, he can find meetings and go to any number of them.
If he wants to get clean, he has many good options that don't include your home. If he wants to use, you are all better off with him living someplace else. Even the street often leads them to help.
It helps me to say a prayer every morning and give my son's care to God. I can then live my life well, the way life is supposed to be lived.
Hugs from one mama to another.
Yup, it hurts our hearts to have to throw our sons out, but it may kill us if we let them remain.
Just remember, he has options even "out there", he can go to rehab (the Salvation Army Program is free and very good), he can go to detox, he can find meetings and go to any number of them.
If he wants to get clean, he has many good options that don't include your home. If he wants to use, you are all better off with him living someplace else. Even the street often leads them to help.
It helps me to say a prayer every morning and give my son's care to God. I can then live my life well, the way life is supposed to be lived.
Hugs from one mama to another.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
Thanks Mom's I know you are all right and I know you all understand like no other mom's can the heart ache and pain we have seeing our kids self destruct.
Our son does know what recovery is!!!
I am spinning in my chair. I decided to check my facebook and noticed a friend's request....it was my son. I hit yes and then thought why'd I do that. So I thought well I'll just send him a private message letting him know that we'd be praying for him yadda, yadda, yadda.
I sure did not expect an almost immediate reply back.
He messaged that he had wrecked his car into a ditch and that he was at the hospital and would text me later.
So I guess he thinks we're going to parachute in and save his butt.
He was in our house not even 3 hours before this happened bragging about how he'd never been pulled over for drinking and driving. That was just luck!!!
How much poop does he have to put himself through???? This kid has so much self inflicted drama you would think he would be screaming to be clean. He is on a very slow (s) mission. I don't even want to ponder the word!!!
I know, I know, I can't rationalize the irrational.
Our son does know what recovery is!!!
I am spinning in my chair. I decided to check my facebook and noticed a friend's request....it was my son. I hit yes and then thought why'd I do that. So I thought well I'll just send him a private message letting him know that we'd be praying for him yadda, yadda, yadda.
I sure did not expect an almost immediate reply back.
He messaged that he had wrecked his car into a ditch and that he was at the hospital and would text me later.
So I guess he thinks we're going to parachute in and save his butt.
He was in our house not even 3 hours before this happened bragging about how he'd never been pulled over for drinking and driving. That was just luck!!!
How much poop does he have to put himself through???? This kid has so much self inflicted drama you would think he would be screaming to be clean. He is on a very slow (s) mission. I don't even want to ponder the word!!!
I know, I know, I can't rationalize the irrational.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
He was in our house not even 3 hours before this happened bragging about how he'd never been pulled over for drinking and driving. That was just luck!!!
He is lucky to be alive, but I am not sure he knows that.
I know my son has no idea how lucky he is to be alive.
I have to turn it over and over and over.
So I guess he thinks we're going to parachute in and save his butt.
Beth
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm glad he wasn't hurt and that he didn't hurt anyone else...this time.
If he was intoxicated, hopefully he will have to forfeit his license.
Regardless of all that, I am glad you have the good sense to let him pay the consequences for his bad choices. It's a valuable lesson that may save his life one day.
Keeping you all in my prayers.
Hugs
If he was intoxicated, hopefully he will have to forfeit his license.
Regardless of all that, I am glad you have the good sense to let him pay the consequences for his bad choices. It's a valuable lesson that may save his life one day.
Keeping you all in my prayers.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
THANKS all...
This cat has more than nine lives.
I am grateful that GOD has spared my son's life many, many times.
I feel like the rope is getting thinner and thinner and that God will not be mocked.
My son has known plenty of his roomies from rehab who have overdosed and died...the fear doesn't stay with him very long. It is very sad. Prayer is my only tool left. I am trying to focus on not getting unraveled over things I can not control and keep handing it over to GOD. I know someone who has a tattoo on her foot, kind of hidden. It says "JUST BREATHE" and I keep telling myself ... just breathe.
This cat has more than nine lives.
I am grateful that GOD has spared my son's life many, many times.
I feel like the rope is getting thinner and thinner and that God will not be mocked.
My son has known plenty of his roomies from rehab who have overdosed and died...the fear doesn't stay with him very long. It is very sad. Prayer is my only tool left. I am trying to focus on not getting unraveled over things I can not control and keep handing it over to GOD. I know someone who has a tattoo on her foot, kind of hidden. It says "JUST BREATHE" and I keep telling myself ... just breathe.
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