tjp613

Well, remember, daisydoc has not suffered any negative consequences of her boyfriend's drug habits (yet) and she still views these incidents in a light-hearted way. I can see that she is just giving him a little pinch and a wink because she thinks its funny. Reminds me of other posters we used to have here that did the same types of things and really, the more we talked of the dangers of drugs and addiction, the 'cuter' their antics became....just to prove their situation was "unique". (Remember the cupcakes??) Or at least, that's how it looked to us.

So, Daisydoc, I hope you will forgive us. We just see things so very differently than you do...and that's OK. We all have our varying perspectives and ours is a bit darker. I pray that you will be lucky. I pray that you will be spared the anguish we have experienced that has gotten us "here". I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Kindeyes

I think this is a interesting thread. It shows how things can go from a light hearted joke between lovers who are doing their best to cope with addiction.......to something else.

Personally, I don't know DaisyDoc and I don't know her ABF.....so I'm not going to jump to judgement about how this is going to turn out. In some cases, it could backfire big time and be perceived as a major mindf**k.....in others it could be perceived as a funny event....and both parties get to enjoy a chuckle. Who knows how her ABF will take it.....and if it backfires....those are DaisyDoc's consequences......not mine.

I'm not defending or condemning this situation. Would I do it based upon my experience? No. But that's because based on my experience.....I don't game when it comes to addiction....doing so would simply encourage the addict in my life to "game" back......and I've had my belly full of that.

My husband is not an addict but my XAH is and so is my adult son--spanning a period between the two of around 37 years.......so my experience is going to be very different from someone who has been exposed to addiction for a few months, a year, or even a couple of years.

To DaisyDoc.....I hope this works out in the light hearted manner it was as was intended......if it doesn't, I simply hope that something is learned.

gentle hugs
ke

LoveMeNow

I don't remember the cupcakes but I remember a poster named Pink Champagne and Kelly. The similarities are uncanny.

dasiydoc

I am a little shocked by some of the replies, but you have given me something to think about. The idea was only to spoof what happened with the ambien. Neither one of us were upset over that, and we had a good laugh about it. His addiction doctor is dosing out his ambien, and it has been helping him get some much needed relief from the insomnia. But he is only taking it twice a week. I think between him and the doctor, they will handle how long he continues on it. His doctor knowing about our situation, advised him to take it when I was there with him initially, that way if he had a serious problem then I could intervene. He has only had that one thing happen. I just want people to understand that it is not something causing him problems with worry. I would never do anything to purposely harm his emotional state. I do love him very much, and our relationship has always had a lot of playfulness in it. I can see where if his mom did this then it would be a little odd. Or if we had a angry, or strained relationship then it might be viewed as my trying to be mean. I do appreciate the honest replies based on your own experiences. I also appreciate the comments by those of you who were trying to see it more from my eyes, based on where we are at right now. I will give it some more thought, and can always just tell him Im having some stuff delivered to his house, and its things I bought, and it wont be a big deal. Dealing with someone who is new to treatment for addiction is new to me, so Im learning as I go. I do know he is probably more fragile inside than he is sometimes wanting to let on. I appreciate your opinions.

Lily1918

have you read they stickie "why people respond the way they do?" it helps me when I get a reply that I don't agree with.

story74

Just be careful. You are right. You are new to this. I think that it is great you are on this site, but I do feel like you don't really get the power of addiction.

IMHO, I don't think an addict should be on any substance. Once again, he is relying on a substance for something.

IMHO, I would let him recover by himself. Take some time apart.

Also, what do you want from this relationship? Years of in and out of addiction? Do you want kids? Marriage? I would never marry an addict. EVER. Sorry, if that offends anyone, but after being abandonded with a 2 yr old...I have learned the darkness of addiction. It is very very serious.

I am not trying to offend. Just be careful. And, get help for yourself. Maybe you are more angry than you even know...

Take care and many blessings

Justfor1

[QUOTE=story74;3884904]Just be careful. You are right. You are new to this. I think that it is great you are on this site, but I do feel like you don't really get the power of addiction.
IMHO, I don't think an addict should be on any substance. Once again, he is relying on a substance for something.
IMHO, I would let him recover by himself. Take some time apart.

I agree with the above quote. Some addicts should be required to wear bracelets warning Dr's the danger of prescribing medication. Ibuprofrin or tylenol should be the limit of what they can take for aches & pains. No matter how serious the injury, the relief could be a addicts death.

dasiydoc

[QUOTE=Justfor1;3885058] Thank you Story & Justfor1.

I hope he doesnt end up having a long term issue with the Ambien. I think not much to do but wait and see what happens with it.

I appreciate both your comments, I can tell they are coming from a place of genuine concern.

An update: everything went fine with my prank. Wont go into all the details, but he was puzzled by what came because he didnt order anything. I arrived home with him that night and we found them by the door. But I totally gave it away when I suggested before he opened them that maybe he was ordering things in his sleep and then I guess I smiled too much. He knew it was me. It all worked out fine, and he it made us both laugh and joke around. Only wanted to confirm no boyfriend was hurt in the end.

JustforOne, We dont live together full time. I have my own place.

Maylie

Daisydoc

I just wanted to put my two cents in. I am a recovered heroin addict and so is my boyfriend and if this was done to me I would find it hilarious and I know if I did it to my boyfriend he would think so too. Addiction can cause people to become so serious, if you have a lighthearted relationship, then stick to that. When I was newly sober the best thing someone could do was make me smile or laugh. I don't know if being 22 makes me a little more immature but hey, when depression, not being able to sleep, and everyone looking at you like you're a fragile toy about to break.. laughter is welcomed with open arms for many addicts.

Just make sure if he starts to freak out that he can't remember that you don't let it go too long.

Lily1918

There was a time like this that I was making dinner, and I lightheartedly said "baby come here, I wanna teach you something... you see this silver stuff you actually put it OVER the chicken!!! I know its hard to believe.... but hear me out... step one... etc and so forth" and I taught him how to use tinfoil the right way he was like "dude, I had no clue you could use it for actual cooking."

So... I guess I have done the same thing xP just in a different way. We laughed over it, but our families would have dropped dead to hear us talk like that.

LoveMeNow

I joke with my husband a lot about his addiction. My dog just got a mass and several teeth removed and was given pain medicine. A few of us teased my husband and told him it was for our dog and not him. It was in a pre filled syringe to give orally. When I told him how our dog didn't like it and hid, he jokingly said "what's wrong with him, he should be out here begging for more!"

Joking is joking but I wouldn't play any mind games with him.

allforcnm

My husband and I decided early on in his recovery that we were going to try to find the humor and the positivity in situations whenever possible. When he was in rehab they really stressed the importance of how we view things, and what that does to our outlook. The other big thing was making sure our relationship didn’t revolve solely around recovery, so carving out little moments where we could laugh, and share “the moment” we healthy for both of us, and our marriage. There have been many times we have actually laughed at the whole situation and everything we have been through. I mean you either laugh or you cry. Laughing helps you move through it with a much lighter heart.

Lily1918

Our rehab joke right now is that Im actually his sister, and the guys are totally confused over the paternity of the kids. They are like "wait... they're yours.... or not? " he says "God only knows" haha.
Dasiy after thinking it through, I think being light hearted is the way to go sometimes. Also back to the OT my guy has slept through cuddle time before. It does happen when they have stuff in their bodies. I shake it off and call myself the stuff his dreams are made of and tell him I hope he enjoyed it cuz I dont plan on it happening again.... haha

Hanna

See that I don't personally find funny at all. It is joking about addiction and I just don't see the humor in making fun of someone's addiction. Plenty of junkies would be trying to get their hands on the dog's meds. It strikes me as a lack of comprehension of the enormity of the situation.

But humor is very personal and if it works your relationship, it works.

I totally get the sleep-buying jokes though and they are right up the alley of the kinds of thing that would tickle me. I guess because it's a very short joke. a minute or two of him wondering about the source of something. I doubt she could have convinced him that he actually ordered it, nor would she. Also because it's an ambien thing and he's very aware of the issue, it's not a joke about his doc.

LoveMeNow

Oh, I understand the enormity of the situation, trust me! It was 4 little pre filled syringes of Metacam for a 4.5 lb dog. Now, if it was a bottle of percocets that would be a different story,

My husband jokes about his addiction in many ways but takes it seriously too! In fact, all his NA buddies are very funny about it as well. I have complete appreciation for the way the can laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously. But they take there recoveries very serious and all have years of clean time.

But, of course, your entitle to your opinion!

Hanna

Probably just a good example of how we all approach humor differently.

dasiydoc

Some good points being brought up now, and this goes back to what I've been asking people to share with me for a long time. Most people misunderstand and think it's because I want to control or fix, but really it's that I want to learn to take our current relationship (which is good) and learn how to be sensitive to what he is experiencing in early recovery. Like if laughter has always been part of the relationship then it's healthy to keep that, but be sensitive to things that might make him (even silently) feel ashamed, weak, because of what he is going through.

For me, I would never joke about clarifying the medicine was for the dog, where can we hide the dogs medicine to keep it away from you, or things like hope the dog doesn't get addicted like you did. To me I think it would be unhealthy because if there were repetitive jokes like this, then it would reinforce the addiction he suffered, the trust that was broken, doubt it has been restored, a reminder people will always think of these things when he is around. It's almost like if you live with someone who repetitively says negative things like 'that's stupid' when your sharing something. If you respect that person and you get those responses over and over then you can become conditioned to believe the negative, even if its on a subconscious level.

LoveMeNow

It's called acceptance! He is an addict and he is one for life! There is no reason to pretend otherwise. I don't think it implies any one of your points.

I personally think trying to screw with ones head while supposedly in very early recovery lacks humor and is quit sick. But to each is own!

YearForMe

IMHO....

Joking directly with someone in person....is different than messing with someone's head.

In person....they can let you know if they think it's funny or not.

One is funny
One is kinda twisted

I have complete appreciation for LMN's humor.

LoveMeNow

Thank you YFM, Now where the heck have you been? I pray everyone is doing is ok after the heartbreaking loss of your mother. May God continue to comfort you and your family.