i want explenation, i deserve it!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 95
i want explenation, i deserve it!
Me and my axbf haven't been in touch for 3weeks ish. He cutted me off without any explanations. Ofcourse it made me feel like I've done sth. I'm still digesting that on daily basic. And now I've found out that our mutual friends turned back to me as well! Why??? Still got no clue why nobody talk to me! And I feel even more that it's cos its my fault, tho I know I've done absolutely nothing wrong.
It's the luck of explanation is killing me. He doesn't wanna talk, fine! But why? We were in touch after the breaks up. At some point, when I went back to Poland, in the middle of my holiday he just totally cutted me of! Maybe I said or done sth rude, maybe he create some story out of nothing, maybe he done sth. We all deserve explanations! i haven't get any and It makes me feel so worthless.
It might be nothing, coincidence but when you don't know what's going on all black scenario taking over.
All that happened its so unfair on so many levels and when you think nothing else can happend, boom!
I was mailing one of the addicts here and he told me that all I can do is just sit and looks how things will go. But even from mutual not addicted people? Why they turning back to me???
It's the luck of explanation is killing me. He doesn't wanna talk, fine! But why? We were in touch after the breaks up. At some point, when I went back to Poland, in the middle of my holiday he just totally cutted me of! Maybe I said or done sth rude, maybe he create some story out of nothing, maybe he done sth. We all deserve explanations! i haven't get any and It makes me feel so worthless.
It might be nothing, coincidence but when you don't know what's going on all black scenario taking over.
All that happened its so unfair on so many levels and when you think nothing else can happend, boom!
I was mailing one of the addicts here and he told me that all I can do is just sit and looks how things will go. But even from mutual not addicted people? Why they turning back to me???
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
You have an explanation even though you don’t see it. He is an addict, it is really self explanatory. Addiction is madness, it is insanity, there is no real way understand his why‘s, and his aren’t yours to begin with. You need to figure out your own why’s, not why he is as he is or does as he does, but why you are...
And everyone wants an explanation and answers and to know why but that doesn‘t mean they should or will get a damn thing … What I have found on my journey is I got all the answers I needed and rarely the ones I wanted. I also wasted too much time hung up on his why’s missing that it was much more important to find my own.
I would respect his decision of not wanting to talk. If you didn’t want to talk to him wouldn’t you want him to respect yours?
And everyone wants an explanation and answers and to know why but that doesn‘t mean they should or will get a damn thing … What I have found on my journey is I got all the answers I needed and rarely the ones I wanted. I also wasted too much time hung up on his why’s missing that it was much more important to find my own.
I would respect his decision of not wanting to talk. If you didn’t want to talk to him wouldn’t you want him to respect yours?
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
unfortunately sometimes we don't get closure, that's something that we have to give ourselves..
The fact that he is an addict in active addiction is an explanation in itself.. When I was with my addict I over analyzed, tried to figure out his motives, tried to decide if he was lying to me or not.. blah blah blah.. the only explanation I got was insanity.. you cant reason with insanity and addiction is one of the highest forms of insanity..
We have to accept the things we cannot change and work on the things we can change.. you cant change the fact that your ex is an addict and has cut you off with no explanation ( honestly you are very lucky to be rid of him) but you can change how you react each day to his silence.. Start working on you and you will no longer care if you get an explanation or not.. and addicts always always come back.. its just how they work.. be strong enough not to fall back into his trap
The fact that he is an addict in active addiction is an explanation in itself.. When I was with my addict I over analyzed, tried to figure out his motives, tried to decide if he was lying to me or not.. blah blah blah.. the only explanation I got was insanity.. you cant reason with insanity and addiction is one of the highest forms of insanity..
We have to accept the things we cannot change and work on the things we can change.. you cant change the fact that your ex is an addict and has cut you off with no explanation ( honestly you are very lucky to be rid of him) but you can change how you react each day to his silence.. Start working on you and you will no longer care if you get an explanation or not.. and addicts always always come back.. its just how they work.. be strong enough not to fall back into his trap
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 95
thx guys for your replies. i really appreciate your support.
incitingsilence you are right, i should not have forget that he is an addict and he act like one. i know i need to throw out old memories about his as he is not the same person. for me and for previous-him it was a really strict untold rules: not leave anything untold as everybody deserve answers. so yes if i wouldnt like to talk to him i would like him to respect tham, but i wouldnt just leave it without any reason. But thats me, not him anymore. he lost all his rules, morals and values.
jerect true as well, i cant reason with his irrationality cos at the end i feel like i am the one who is crazy.
the fact that mutual friends turned back to me for no reason its a prove that they werent real friends anywas. its painful to discover all of this part of my life was just an massive illusion...
incitingsilence you are right, i should not have forget that he is an addict and he act like one. i know i need to throw out old memories about his as he is not the same person. for me and for previous-him it was a really strict untold rules: not leave anything untold as everybody deserve answers. so yes if i wouldnt like to talk to him i would like him to respect tham, but i wouldnt just leave it without any reason. But thats me, not him anymore. he lost all his rules, morals and values.
jerect true as well, i cant reason with his irrationality cos at the end i feel like i am the one who is crazy.
the fact that mutual friends turned back to me for no reason its a prove that they werent real friends anywas. its painful to discover all of this part of my life was just an massive illusion...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
You're exactly right when you say he isn't the same person that he used to be.
The truth is that he didn't leave you when you went back to Poland, he left you when he started doing drugs in the first place. That's when you lost the man that you loved. So really, you haven't lost anything since then, because there was nothing left to lose.
I'm sorry that it hurts so much.
The truth is that he didn't leave you when you went back to Poland, he left you when he started doing drugs in the first place. That's when you lost the man that you loved. So really, you haven't lost anything since then, because there was nothing left to lose.
I'm sorry that it hurts so much.
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