The Power of Intervention to help those we love

Old 03-17-2013, 02:42 PM
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The Power of Intervention to help those we love

Since I have been reading here on the forum I dont think I have heard any family members talk about the use of Interventions to help addicted loved ones. I ran across this article written by Jordan, an advocate for Heroes in Recovery, and thought I would share it with all here:

Intervention - Hitting Bottom

There is a concept in recovery that a person is not going to come out of his addiction until he is ready. There is another concept in recovery that no one enters into recovery until he has hit bottom. These are two commonly accepted concepts. Believing in these concepts leads to the question, “At what point will a person decide he has reached bottom and be willing to make a change?”

To answer this question, one must examine what someone would consider “hitting bottom.” Hitting bottom is not the same for everyone. For some people, hitting bottom can be a bad hangover, doing poorly on an exam or just feeling ashamed for displaying some embarrassing behavior. For others, hitting bottom can be much worse. There can be severe consequences, such as damaged relationships, legal problems, health problems, money problems or loss of job. For others, these things aren’t even enough. They may become incarcerated, cause the death of someone else or cause their own death. Oftentimes, families feel powerless as they watch a person struggle through life, reaching points that would make a normal person cry out for change. Yet the only things that change are the behaviors, which become worse, and the consequences, which become more severe. When families reach this point, they often ask themselves how low they will allow their loved ones to fall before they do something.

One of the most successful ways to help someone from falling too low is to seek out the help of someone who can do for the addict what the addict cannot or will not do for himself. The term “intervention” is one that most people are familiar with but may not truly understand. Most families hear the term and are scared off because they fear it is too severe, it won’t work or the addict will just drift away from them because he is angry that they attempted an intervention. I have worked with hundreds of families in situations as previously described. From my experience, the determining factor in whether the addict achieves sobriety is the family’s commitment to the addict making the change, not the addict’s initial attitude. Once the family has decided they’ve had enough, they will take whatever measures necessary to help their loved one and they seek help from a professional, the whole dynamic changes. Bringing in a professional to assist with an intervention helps the family learn to support the addict in recovery, rather than enabling his addiction. The whole process is facilitated by a professional with training and experience. This person can help the family learn ways to strategically reach the addict on emotional levels that ignite a change before he actually hits whatever his bottom may be.

By the time most families reach the point that they are seeking the help of an outside organization or individual, they may feel that nothing will work. They don’t feel that anything can be done. The number of lives that have been saved from situations this bleak are numerous. The only explanation I can give is that there is a higher power that intervenes and allows the right words or the right actions to take place.

Families can pray for a resolution to their addict’s problem and may not be able to recognize the solution that is staring them in the face. It’s like the man who prayed to God for a hole but woke up disappointed and dejected when he went outside to find a shovel, not a hole. Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” I encourage families with a struggling addict to seek help from a different perspective when they feel helpless because nothing they have tried has worked. Strength and help are available if you are willing to receive it and use the shovel given to you.
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Old 03-17-2013, 03:24 PM
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Intervention. I don't often talk about it but my son's first in patient rehab was a result of an intervention in 2006. Although he didn't stay sober, it was a very important step for our family as a unit.

We realized that he could have elected to run and not go to treatment but he went. It was one of the best programs in the Pacfic Northwest and they had an excellent family program which we (my husband, daughter and myself) attended. They believe that "treatment and support" for the family is critical to the overall success--because addiction is a family disease. It is where I began my recovery. He stayed the full 28 days and initially did extremely well. My son received tools that would allow him to remain sober if he chose to use them. We gave him the opportunity to gain the tools and I felt much better that I had done what I needed to do as a loving mother. And there was tremendous relief in that knowledge.

Intervention is risky. Intervention doesn't always work. Sometimes the addict will run and stop contact with the family because in their minds, they were betrayed. and I understand that thought process, I had to trick my son to get him to the intervention (and lied).

I think it's a decision that should be made carefully and done with the assistance of an experienced interventionist.

I do not regret doing the intervention for my son.

gentle hugs
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Old 03-17-2013, 04:03 PM
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I agree with Kindeyes, interventions often don't work and if done should be done under the supervision of a professional.

Any number of things can be the turning point for an addict, but it is rarely pressure from family and friends to "stop".

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Old 03-17-2013, 04:10 PM
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I was a part of an intervention 20 years ago (before I became a candidate for one myself). It was done by a professional. We had my friend's family, boss, pastor, etc. all lined up. He was either going to rehab or he was going to lose his job, place to live, etc. He went to rehab and with the exception of a 4 day relapse 7 years into it, has been sober for 20 years. Interventions can work.
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Old 03-17-2013, 10:17 PM
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Daisydoc, I posted a week ago that I was thinking about an intervention with my son but received very little replies. It has been on my mind for a while now. Where I live, you can force someone into rehab. I know that I want to feel that I have given my son all the support I could and I don't feel that yet.

I already speak very little to my son. He is already angry with us all. It feels to me as if there is nothing to lose and much to gain. Right now my son has no recovery tools whatsoever.

Three years ago it felt as if God was talking to me from many directions in a short space of time and He was saying it was time to let my son go. My son left and I have seen little of him since. Now it feels as if God is talking to me from many directions to look at interventions. An email from a friend, your post, comments of friends.

Thank you so much for posting this.
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Old 03-17-2013, 10:33 PM
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I was in a very toxic relationship with a boy in high school. My friends tried to stage an intervention and had their mothers involved. I refused to listen and didn't "hit bottom" with that boy for seven years. I know its different than drugs, but I still " relapsed" and got with another addict. I believe that intervention is an important and good thing, but recovery is an inside job.
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Old 03-18-2013, 06:43 AM
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I believe that intervention is an important and good thing, but recovery is an inside job.
That statement hit the nail on the head.

Sunshine
I'm sorry I missed your earlier inquiry on intervention. I would have simply shared my experience as I did in this thread as I believe that any decision a person makes should be one based upon their individual circumstances. Although the intervention didn't work "at the time"......I believe that each time my son has been exposed to the tools for recovery, those tools have been reinforced. Intervention.....I believe.....was the right thing to do in our case.....and even if my son didn't stay sober that time, it did enormous things for our entire family and most specifically for me.

You and your son will be in my prayers.

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Old 03-18-2013, 07:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Ann View Post
Any number of things can be the turning point for an addict, but it is rarely pressure from family and friends to "stop".
Hugs
The above quote is very true. Sometimes, the addict has already hit their "bottom" & are on a self destructive suicide. Other interventions fail when the addicts family has already cut the addict out of their lives. There are plenty of alcoholics/addicts that continue to use while homeless & living in shelters. A good addict can get money even when the family stops funding them.
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Old 03-18-2013, 11:21 AM
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I am so glad to see some positive information & post on interventions - my personal experiences with my ex AH & my adult daughter have not been positive.

But I have been in recovery long enough to realize that a person's HP can use any method, circumstance and way to spark the interest in recovery -

We ALL just have to be honest, open and willing ~

continued prayers & good thoughts for you and your loved one ~

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Old 03-18-2013, 10:13 PM
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Thanks for your post Daisy. To be honest, I WISH I had tried something like an intervention with my husband when he was actively using (pain meds which then led to Xanax and Cocaine, which then led to an affair, and the loss of his being present for the birth of our first child, and active participation in months of his sons life). Sure he was responsible for all that, but these drugs are proven to affect a person’s brain chemistry and he was lost to reality. It took him a little over a year, to realize although he was still working, paying bills, and all the rest.. he was unhappy, lonely, and drug sick. And then he finally came home, still thought he could quit it all on his own (that didnt work well), and finally we (me, my parents) encouraged detox and rehab,and he agreed. We lost a year. I still wonder if I could have done anything to shorten this. The rehab he ended up at, I later found out they offered intervention services!!

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Old 03-19-2013, 07:29 AM
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Our interventionist told us that the most important purpose of intervention was to start the family on the road to recovery...that the measure of "success" was not whether the addict chose to go to treatment, or to stay sober, but to change the family dynamics.

To this end, he had us call all my son's aunts and uncles and ask them to participate in the intervention. This required us to share information we'd been hiding - it was difficult, but brought our "secrets" into the open.

He then had us all participate in a one day educational session about addiction and the role of the family. It made sure we were all on the same page, and gave us a common language...bringing us together. Having the extended family participate helped ensure we would have support.

We had the intervention the next day - my son ran - but after 12 hours decided to accept the offer of treatment.

The interventionist stayed with us until the flight the next day, and flew with my son to treatment.

They then continued to support us, having us a write a letter after two weeks informing my son that he needed to be sober for a year before he could live at home, and worked with us to find an extended care facility.

My son did not really "buy" into treatment as a result of the intervention. He went to treatment, and the extended care facility, but started using again after about 5 months...but the intervention definitely was the turning point for ME in my recovery. We had sent our son to treatment once before- when he was 16 - but without the assistance of a professional interventionist, and at that time MY behavior didn't change. This time it did.

For our family, intervention was the right thing to do.
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Old 03-19-2013, 11:36 AM
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I think an intervention is often a great tool - primarily because it teaches the family what their role in the addiction is. I haven't been through an intervention, but when I sought recovery on my own I became aware of the ways in which I was perpetuating my sister's addiction even though all of the things I was doing were in a desperate effort to stop her from using. I had it all backwards and I'm still shocked at how much power I thought I had.

I think the family making the decision to attend Al/Nar-anon would be equally as effective, because I think the greatest benefit of the intervention process is the family education aspect.

In my case I started recovery but the rest of my family did not. So while I no longer enable the addicts in my life, I can very clearly see where my family is still enabling them, and still actively participating in a huge web of chaos and drama, and even though it makes me very sad, I've learned that that's their decision to make. In our case it seems like an intervention could be good, because it could help educate the whole family on their role in this - but at the end of the day they would still have to make the decision to embrace and work their own recovery just as an addict must do.
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Old 03-19-2013, 07:34 PM
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I just joined this site tonight and made my first post on the newcomers section. I happened to come across this post so am copying it over. Here is my story.

I find it odd that I am joining another site for support for my son. The last one I joined was called Navy for Moms. It was a great support site that I was addicted to while my son was in the Navy and in boot camp. I made great friends there from other moms and find myself again searching for support, in a much different way.

My son is 22. He served in the military for 18 months and smoked pot to get out. Did his time in the brig like it was nothing. He has struggled with drug use many of his young years. Next month it would have been 2 years since he was discharged. He got his own place and a new job. Life was good, so I thought. I found out 2 weeks ago his is both using and selling meth. I panicked, How could this happen? We reached out and tried to talk and I knew this time it was out of my hands. I contacted Family First Intervention on line and had a professional flown in last Monday. The first day was family day and I learned more about myself that day than I had in years. I WAS the Guilty Party! The Queen enabler! Oh my god, how could I have allowed myself to cushion his life to the extent of creating a meth addict. I blamed myself! Thank god for the wonderful counselor who taught me different.

Tuesday was the intervention. Many family members pleaded and cried and it lasted 4.5 hours. I thought we had him a couple of times, but the meth had won. He walked out. I had to shut off his phone, tell him I loved him and was no longer going to watch him kill himself. It has been a week with no contact. Part of me is deiing inside and part of me wants to start my own recovery. I am here for help on how to go forward. I am still in contact with the counselors and have a wonderful treatment facility that will take him in immediately for a 7week inpatient program and 18months follow up. (I have wonderful insurance). But only he can make the decision to go. My rock bottom is not the same as his. My rock bottom was hit last week. My rock bottom has already stolen my loving son from me.

I look forward to familiarizing myself with this site and sharing stories with other parents and loved ones. My Navy mom support group was criticial in helping me. We feared for our loved ones lives going into harms way to serve our country. We leaned on eachother day and night for support as one by one they were shipped off into harms way.

I again fear for my sons life, its just a different terrorist this time. This one is known by the name of Crystal Meth. God Speed to you all
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Old 03-19-2013, 07:43 PM
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I would also like to add that Interventions do work! It helped the family tremendously and it gave my son the options he has to overcome his addictions. Without the help from a professional, I would have failed miserably. At least I now know that I did everything in my power to help my son. It is now up to him to help himself and he knows his options. His familys enabling has come to a screaching halt from the intervention as well. I would highly recommend them.

Also, the counselors and I are still in close contact as well as the treatment facility, their help did not stop once he got on his flight back home. Its only been a week, they are guiding me from here! They give me hope as well sharing their stories of success. I need to give my son more time. When in doubt I lean on them for guidance.
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Old 03-19-2013, 09:07 PM
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Thank you so much for sharing Tallie.. and welcome to SR. Sounds like the Intervention was a powerful experience for your whole family. I will send up a prayer tonight that in time your son reaches out for the help he now knows for certain is available to him. I think what you did was wonderfully brave and loving.
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Old 03-21-2013, 01:06 PM
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Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

*Sunshine* I’m glad the post was of help to you. I sort of expected to see lots of addiction/treatment/recovery stuff posted here for informational purposes to family. Ive been doing a lot of reading the last many weeks since my boyfriend decided to enter treatment, and Ive found a lot of interesting articles. Maybe I will continue to share some here in case they could benefit anyone else.

I've been impressed by the intervention stories that I've read about. The key appears to be using professional interventionist who can work with the family in advance on defining family dynamics, determining key points of connectivity to the addict, educating and training family on their own behaviors, and teaching them techniques to support the addict in their choice to choose treatment. Addicts are directed into treatment as a lesser of two evils all the time. The legal system, employers, and even family who define their own methods like creating boundaries that say things like I wont have an active addict in my house, but I will have one that is going to meetings, or working some program.

But from what I read, the interventionist helps develop a "package plan", where the addict can get fully evaluated and the type of treatment can be mapped out based on their needs, then family is directed to sources of support, and during this whole process, aftercare and the role of family support is also identified. Several people have confirmed this by what they have shared. Thank you.

Addicts are all at varying stages from what I can tell. Like my boyfriend seems to be at an early stage, but it's obvious his drug use has affected him. Without it he has suffered depression and anxiety. And now that he is in treatment, he is seeing how the drugs were allowing him to ignore his values, and he didn't even see it, or the drugs made him feel it was ok. I can only imagine what prolonged use does, or combinations of many drugs. How irrational, depressed, hopeless some people become. I'm don’t think they are all capable of making the decision to turn to treatment, and then following through without help and support. This is why I can appreciate the idea of intervening by family. For some this would be rock bottom, mixed with a jolt of hope, love, encouragement from the people who mean the most in their lives. For others maybe it would do nothing. But what would be lost in that case.

I guess I have thought more about the role of family, and what influence they have since interactions with my boyfriend’s family. He has always had a good relationship with his parents (mom and stepdad) but the drugs caused some problems. He has been distant from them. But he has known they are a source of support for him, he knows they love him, and want him to be healthy. After he had been in counseling for a few weeks, he wanted to tell them. They responded positively, and he was happy. But the power of that interaction also caused him a lot of emotions and at that point he wasn’t able to deal with those emotions without a one time slip back to cocaine. But it is the power of the interaction, the almost silent influence they have on him which I find most interesting. If he were to go end up in a bad place, worse place, then I could see how the use of a professional intervention with their involvement could persuade him to accept available treatment. That would be the ultimate goal, regardless of the benefit to me or his parents.
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Old 03-21-2013, 08:59 PM
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I can see that some people may think that intervention is trying to fix the addict. It may have been that way if I tried intervention when I was still so caught up in his addiction myself. It feels to me that I would try intervention from a place of clarity now. I see it as a way of giving my AS a couple of months of sobriety and he can choose what he does with the tools he gets. If he stays sober, good. If he doesn't, it is his choice.

As I said in another thread, walking with my younger son through his healing from cutting, I saw that I never gave my eldest AS the same support early on in his addiction. I attacked him constantly, made demands and gave him ultimatums. I am not beating myself up about it, I just notice the difference.

I haven't made my mind up about it yet. My friend is going through the process with her brother and is keeping me up-to-date. I think that I will be clearly shown what to do (or what not to do).

Thank you again for posting about it, DaisyDoc.
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Old 03-23-2013, 03:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Sunshine2 View Post
I can see that some people may think that intervention is trying to fix the addict. It may have been that way if I tried intervention when I was still so caught up in his addiction myself. It feels to me that I would try intervention from a place of clarity now. I see it as a way of giving my AS a couple of months of sobriety and he can choose what he does with the tools he gets. If he stays sober, good. If he doesn't, it is his choice.

As I said in another thread, walking with my younger son through his healing from cutting, I saw that I never gave my eldest AS the same support early on in his addiction. I attacked him constantly, made demands and gave him ultimatums. I am not beating myself up about it, I just notice the difference.

I haven't made my mind up about it yet. My friend is going through the process with her brother and is keeping me up-to-date. I think that I will be clearly shown what to do (or what not to do).

Thank you again for posting about it, DaisyDoc.
I almost said it is good that you have a friend that is going through this same thing with a relative, but that does not sound right because its a horrible thing for anyone to go through. But it is good that you have each other for support, and she is learning the process and can share her experience with you. Thanks for sharing here, and its goon news that your younger son is doing well in treatment. Ive seen cutters' and it can get very severe.
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