Co-dependency rearing its head again?
The sun still shines
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Co-dependency rearing its head again?
I shared in this thread http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...35-sad-ot.html about my youngest son's cutting.
I am very happy to report back that my son's psychologist told me today that he only needs to come for one follow-up session in a month's time. He hasn't cut in 6 weeks. His depression has lifted and his suicide thoughts are gone. He is sleeping well and seems to be back to his happy self, a side which I haven't seen for a long time. I have not interfered at all except by driving him to his appointments and making it clear that I am there to support him is he needs me.
What I found interesting is observing myself and see my codie thoughts return. I felt for sure to blame as it cannot be just bad luck to have two sons with problems. I am even now questioning whether I even did enough for my eldest AS, especially in the early days. What if I took him to a different psychologist when the first one didn't work out? What if in stead of fighting so much, I supported him more? Should I not try and do something more now? All these questions and guilt.
Where I live, you can force the person into treatment. A friend of mine is busy getting her 36-year old brother into rehab that way. I keep on asking myself how my AS could ever look for recovery when his mind is so affected by drugs? Would a couple of months clean time not give him the perspective he needs? He has not been clean at all in the last 12 years. Have I done enough? Is God not talking to me that my eldest son needs the same chance than my youngest?
I am very happy to report back that my son's psychologist told me today that he only needs to come for one follow-up session in a month's time. He hasn't cut in 6 weeks. His depression has lifted and his suicide thoughts are gone. He is sleeping well and seems to be back to his happy self, a side which I haven't seen for a long time. I have not interfered at all except by driving him to his appointments and making it clear that I am there to support him is he needs me.
What I found interesting is observing myself and see my codie thoughts return. I felt for sure to blame as it cannot be just bad luck to have two sons with problems. I am even now questioning whether I even did enough for my eldest AS, especially in the early days. What if I took him to a different psychologist when the first one didn't work out? What if in stead of fighting so much, I supported him more? Should I not try and do something more now? All these questions and guilt.
Where I live, you can force the person into treatment. A friend of mine is busy getting her 36-year old brother into rehab that way. I keep on asking myself how my AS could ever look for recovery when his mind is so affected by drugs? Would a couple of months clean time not give him the perspective he needs? He has not been clean at all in the last 12 years. Have I done enough? Is God not talking to me that my eldest son needs the same chance than my youngest?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Sunshine, we raised our children the best we knew how. When we knew better, we did better, and we were not perfect...no parent is.
To feel guilty or at fault will only make you sick. It's not our fault, we did the best we could...and we loved our sons always.
Now it's time to let that go. To accept what is and look forward to better days ahead.
I am glad your son is doing so well. I will keep him in my prayers with my own son.
Hugs from one mama's heart to anothers.
To feel guilty or at fault will only make you sick. It's not our fault, we did the best we could...and we loved our sons always.
Now it's time to let that go. To accept what is and look forward to better days ahead.
I am glad your son is doing so well. I will keep him in my prayers with my own son.
Hugs from one mama's heart to anothers.
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
I am the most codependent mother in the world it seems. I'm glad to know there are others like me. Its really hard to find books dealing with the parent/child relationship in regards to codependency.
Thank you for your words Ann. They made my shoulders come down from my ears just a little bit.
Thank you for your words Ann. They made my shoulders come down from my ears just a little bit.
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