stucna

I know its stupid that its still killing me that my xabf dumped me with a feeling taht its all my fault, problems with relationship or his addiction. that i havent try hard enought for us and now its too late. i feel like i failed as a partner. i know its not true, but i was too emotionally devastated to react on it and now i hate myself for not standing up for myself at that point.

did he ment it? or was it addicted talk?

its killing me that somebody who loved me so much end up our relationship with so much anger and hate that was pointed to me. i know everybody will tell me he hates himself, but he act like i was just another problem for him at the end.

i just wonder if one day when/if he get better he will look back and stop hating me? i know i cant do anything about it, maybe thats why i want to know if he will get there by himself... i wonder if when tehy get sobber they can see how badly wrong they were? will he see how irrational and stupid his behaviour was?

dollydo

It is over, he has moved on, might be time for you to do the same. I am sure that he doesn't hate you, he is just deflecting and excuse making. It is easier to blame you rather than say "I am no longer interested in continuing this relationship".

There is nothing that you could have done, when a relationship is over, it's over. Addict
or not.

You can reanalyze his behavior forever and it will not change a thing. If you haven't read
Codependent No More and Women Who Love Too Much, I would urge you to do so.

The sooner you let go, the sooner you will move forward to a better place in your life. Focus on you, not him and his behavior, past or present.

Katiekate

Honey, I know how hard it is to hear the things you have heard.

You know the truth, the truth is, he is an addict, he operates with a toxic brain.

The truth is, he is an addict, he hurt you, himself and everyone else around him.

His words are lies, his actions are sick. It's not your fault, I realized that I was the only one keeping myself from healing. When you believe an addcit , or for that matter care what they say, you become just as sick as they are.

It will take time for you to process it all, there is help out there for you if you can bring yourself to it. In time you will realize that addicts hurt us because they are addicts, the only thing that matters to them is their next fix.

Alanon or counseling could be very beneficial for you. I have been where you are now, it does get better.

Hang in, we care. Katie xo