easiersaid

The father of my two children is currently living in a chem-free home. He is addicted to opiates (snorts and/or shoots). He recently began working at a restaurant which I have reserves about due to the fact that most restaurants are full of employees who use substances and he has worked in food service many times before with repeated drug use. They make fast cash and have a way to pay for their DOC the next day. Anyway, he came my apartment night before last after leaving work and was acting different. My initial thought was that he had used. He was telling me how much he loved me and would do anything to keep me, and then I heard him in the living room singing. I got out of bed and found him crouched down on the floor(without clothes). I asked what he was doing and he told me he was praying. He said he didn't have clothes on because he was waiting for his underwear to get done drying.. Who does that?? I'm pretty sure he stayed up most of the night. He took my car to the gas station without asking in the middle of the night also. The next day I went to work. He picked up the kids from their grandparents after attending an NA meeting, which I'm thinking he caught a meeting during the day to get out of going to the one held on sunday night at his chem-free home. I got home from work at 7pm. He opened the door and looked like he had been sleeping. He had the kids pillows and blankets laid out on the living room floor and said he was trying to get everyone to take a nap because he was exhausted. I mentioned that it was 7 in the evening and late for a nap. He left about an hour later to get to his meeting at his house. Texts me at 815 saying he was at the ER because his kidneys were hurting and he was peeing blood. Then at 10:15 saying they told him he passed a kidney stone and would pass the rest soon and that they were tiny... I'm thinking to myself that he went to the ER to get pain pills so he would have an excuse if he failed a drug test. I'm just getting really tired of being so paranoid all the time about whether he is using or will use. He wants to work on things ( we have been together 10 years) and we are starting counseling but I'm not sure I can get over the years of drug use, lying and cheating. I'm afraid there's just been too much damage.

Kindeyes

The constant fear of relapse gets tiring, doesn't it?

Take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke

interrupted

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. I think your suspicions are correct and it's probably not a good idea to leave him alone with the kids anymore, he doesn't sound like he's capable of being the adult that they need at this time.

Sometimes it's easiest for me when I take the drugs out of the picture and look only at the behavior that is affecting me. Lack of trust, suspicion, not sleeping, and additional bizarre activities are unacceptable to me regardless of the drug use, you know? It's likely that he's using, but even if he isn't, is this a relationship arrangement that is fulfilling for you? Are his behaviors acceptable? Start from there. It's not necessary to do anything or take any action immediately, but just start to think about what your needs are and whether he is capable of meeting them.

Sometimes once all trust has been broken it really is too difficult to put everything back together. I'm related to all of the drug users in my life, but my trust has been broken so many times that I honestly can't even remember what it feels like to be comfortable around them.

TMZ

I would tell you that if your having dough and suspicions of his drug use, your gut feeling is most likely correct.
What is he doing at your place at 2 in the morning if he has a chem-free home to be at? don't they have a curfew to be there by?
Before you two can work on your relationship, he must work on him and the disease. Until he is a year clean there is no us in a relationship there is just an addict.

I know of manny that are in recovery and have work out. So it is possible! But there is such a fine line between enabling and helping. Trust will take years to rebuild, so don't rush that.

Keep reading and posting. Go to some Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings yourself.
Wishing you peace and joy